K. in London writes:
Help me please! I’m a South African born on April 19, 1980. I came back to England to finish my studies in Accounting. Please tell me what’s in store for me and my boyfriend (he’s Malaysian, born on February 10, 1979). Times are very hard for us right now. Financially we are just making it. Do things get better or should we go back home?
I’m sorry that your adventure is starting to feel like a nightmare. Money isn’t everything… until you don’t have any.
Sometimes the price of a better future is paid in the moments of the present, which seems to be the case with you. If you can stick it out, I would strongly suggest that you do so, for at least another year. While I do see that you and your boyfriend will eventually return home. Hang in there, and you can arrive home much better off than you were when you left.
I know things are hard and the financial tensions are bleeding into the relationship. For most people it is inevitable. How you choose to react to the situation is what makes the difference. “Just making it” stinks. It is so hard to be appreciative that you actually are making it when the word “just” is in the equation. It becomes very easy to lose focus of all that you do have, when life seems to constantly remind you of all the things you think you’re missing out on.
Relationships can flourish when life is easy. But they also can flourish when times are tough. You guys knew that things may not go smoothly and easily when you chose to make this move, and the reality of living it is much more difficult than the original concept. However, a relationship that is strong enough to make it through the hard times becomes stronger for it. You two have what it takes to make it through this challenging period. When life gets easier, which it will, your relationship will be stronger because of it.
Mandate an hour a day for each of you to put all of the problems you are having aside and just focus on each other. Light some candles, and in silence look into each other’s eyes. In each other, you will see what really matters in this life. And that is something money can’t buy.