Red Responds: He Refuses to Let Her Back Into His Life

Shauna C. of Cedar City writes:

I fell in love with a wonderful man who went through prostate cancer. I tried reassuring him that I would not bail, but he believes that he cannot be a “true” man and has discontinued our relationship. No matter what I try to convince him of, he refuses to let me back into his life. Any chances of us re-connecting?

Dear Shauna,

Unfortunately, some life-altering events effect more lives than just the one they altered.

It is sad, but often times the physical body can be treated and healed long before the emotional and spiritual bodies are even diagnosed. This seems to be the case with your man. The man you fell in love with has been changed by his sickness and experience. It is the disease that he currently identifies with, and through that perception he sees himself as less than a man. He doesn’t fear you bailing on him, but he does believe that you deserve more than the person he is now. For him, it is not about you, what you want, or how you see him. He sees himself as “less than” all that he once was. He believes that his love life and relationships are over. He also believes that this is the best thing for you.

He has a bit of a long road ahead of him; adjusting to his “new” life. He also faces a lot of hard work to regain his emotional well-being. This is a path he feels he must walk down alone. All you can do is offer him friendship, and move forward in your own life. Unless, and until, he comes to terms with the fact that there is life after cancer, he is going to continue to shut you out.

I’m sorry.

Brightest Blessings,

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