Red Responds: Lovers of Her Past

Janet in Brooklyn writes:

I was born on September 11, 1980. My life has been an emotional and financial rollercoaster. I would like to know if things will ever change for the better.

For starters, I am struggling with my student loans and credit card bills because money has been so tight. Do you see finding a job as a teaching assistant? Second, my love life has suffered tremendously because of bad break-ups with my ex-boyfriends. One of them is M.V.D. (born 5/12) and the other one is P.B. (born on 5/7). P.B. wants me back, but I no longer trust him because I felt like he took me for granted and never appreciated me as his girlfriend. Do you see me meeting the man of my dreams?

Lastly, I am so unhappy with my living situation with my mom and step-father. When is the best time to move out?

Thanks for your help!

Dear Janet,

First, the lovers of your past are just that – history. It is time to move on and away from these men. Allow yourself to heal from these relationships and their endings. While I don’t see you meeting the man of your dreams for quite a while yet, I do see you upgrading the quality of man you choose to allow into your life. I see you dating here and there, but I don’t see any solid relationships forming around you over the next six months. Please don’t take that as a bad thing, because it’s really not. You are being afforded the opportunity to figure out who you really are, so you can quit sacrificing yourself for the sake of a relationship. Do yourself a favor and try to stay away from the “bad boys” for a while…

While your living arrangements may not be the most joyous, use this time to your advantage. Living with mom and step-dad may not be ideal, but it is a platform to get your financial issues under control. I know you really want to get out of that house, but you currently aren’t in a position to realistically make that kind of a transition on your own. However, if it gets to be too much to bear, the opportunity to share a place with a female roommate will present this September.

It is looking like a bit of a challenge for you in the job arena. There doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of openings immediately available to you locally, but there is an opportunity coming your way from a different state. It would make for a rough transition, but not impossible. If you really want to stay where you are, keep trying and hang in there. There will be something in your field coming your way this December.

Brightest Blessings,
Ext. 9226

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