Red Responds: She Didn’t Know Her Feelings Were That Deep

Dear Red,

I am in love with my ex boyfriend. I broke it off with him four months ago after 2 years together. I didn’t know my feelings were this deep until now. I don’t know what the next step is. He’s in my thoughts everyday — even when I’m on a date and the guy is hot and I’m having a good time, I still think about him! I see his picture and I smile. I know he doesn’t want me back, and he hasn’t tried if he does. What do you think?

Michelle in Cleveland

Dear Michelle,

You are missing what you had with him. Of course you still have love for him, he was a huge part of your life. But there are reasons why you left him, and those reasons are still there. I really want you to think about that before deciding if there really is a “next step”. Four months isn’t really a long time of healing from a two-year relationship. You are still in the healing and adjustment stages, and memories will flood into your mind whether you want them to or not. It’s part of the process.

Even though you are feeling more in love with him now than when you were with him, it doesn’t change the facts. The relationship had its issues, and he didn’t fight to keep you. Part of it was because he agreed. The other part is because he was hurt. If you are to reach out to him now, be prepared to get shut down, because it is the hurt part of him that will respond first. I really want to encourage you to just leave things be.

Continue moving forward in your life, and allow him to do the same. This time is a learning and growing period for the both of you. While I can’t say that I see some glorious reunion in the future, I do see you bumping into each other before the end of August. If you let things continue as they have been, after the initial awkward moments pass, there seems to be a true warmth between the two of you that can give each of you a sense of closure and peace.

Brightest Blessings,
Ext. 9226

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