Red Responds: A One-Day-at-a-Time Deal

Dear Red,

I am in a difficult relationship and have been so for many, many years. The intimacy has been gone for a loooong time. Counseling has been an option, but seems to also have become a revolving door. There are cultural issues that are too strong. I am discouraged! I have two boys, one of which will graduate by next year. The other one will be with me for his high school years. I am separated from my extended family and would like to get closer but don’t see this happening any time soon or maybe not at all. Also, I live in a semi-isolated community in the mountains and have not been here long enough to have good friends, so I feel lonely a lot. In addition, my career has been on a roller coaster ride all year long. I am getting tired of studying part time in the hopes of trying to create some more open doors and perhaps offer a service to others through a new skill set. Please help if you can. It’s pretty much a one day at a time deal in my life right now and I sure could use some relief.


Dear Jeanne,

Sometimes a day at a time is the best any of us can do. Especially when we’re lonely.

You already know what you have with your relationship. Because of the dynamic, the cultural differences, and a bit of indifference, changing it to something that is more rewarding to you seems like it is just out of reach. Even so, it is not hopeless. I don’t see you giving up on it; at least not anytime soon. If you can hang in there for another couple of years, it will improve.

One thing that could help you, and the relationship, is if you pack a bag and go visit family for a couple of weeks. But go alone. It will give you much needed freedom, a much needed vacation, and a new perspective. It will give those you leave behind a bit of a reality check. With luck, maybe even a wake-up call. Though it may be hugely outside of the norm for your life, what do you have to lose? There comes a day in all of our lives where we are put in the position to put our needs above those who surround us. That has come and gone for you, but is in the process of circling around again. This time, take advantage of it!

As far as your career; tired or not, education does seem to be the key. Training for a new career that puts you more in the mainstream of your community would open several doors for you; both personally and professionally. I see you transitioning into a more civic-minded arena, even before you are through schooling. Keep an eye on the job listings; something is going to pique your interest. When it does, go for it. It will be one of the best things you’ve done for yourself in the last decade.

Best of luck to you!

Brightest Blessings,
Ext. 9226

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *