Where am I going and what lessons am I supposed to be learning from these unhappy endings? I have been divorced for four years and have dated two men. The last one was the one who got to me.
He came on like gangbusters talking about the future and how much he didn’t want to lose me. After a year of dating (we lived three hours from one another) he decided he needed to broaden his horizons. He dated around, then called after two months and we were together once more for a weekend.
Then he started dating a younger woman and kept calling every time she broke up with him and to tell me all the things he didn’t like about her. The topper was in the fall when he called and said it was over. By the next call, two days later, he had asked her to move in.
Now my esteem is at an all time low. Will I ever find someone who I can trust and share life with.
Lonely and confused,
A. Calder, Tampa
The Universe tends to work in mysterious ways, and not all of them are kind. I think the Powers-That-Be have a very ironic and sarcastic sense of humor. The big lesson that is circling around you is all about loneliness and self-esteem.
Your sense of loneliness is exactly what leads you astray. To fill the void you overlook things you shouldn’t, and become tolerant of people who don’t quite deserve the tolerance. By making concessions and lowering your standards, you are helping to create the opening to be treated in a manner that is less than you desire, and also breaking down your own sense of self.
Your last relationship started off pretty good and sincere, but it seems as if the more “real” you needed it to be, the less “real” it became. It is almost as if you projected your fears into manifestation.
It is time to reverse-engineer your process when it comes to relationships and the men you allow to enter your life. If the gentlemen you meet do not hit your list of what you are looking for in a person, then there really isn’t a reason to proceed towards a more serious relationship, no matter how fast and furiously they pursue you. While it is flattering to be pursued, it does not ensure a happy ending.
Because you really seem to have the talent to attract what you project, while you are searching for a good relationship, take the time to work on your self-image and self-esteem. It is when you fill that void of loneliness within yourself through appreciating exactly who you are and are okay with your life as it is, that you find the type of relationship you are looking for.
It’s going to be a process for you. Don’t fall for the pretty words or the too-perfect man. Just lightly enjoy the dating game as a game while you improve and strengthen yourself. Next March, (2008), pay particular attention to the man with dark hair, dark eyes, and high cheekbones. While you are evaluating him, he also will be evaluating you. The checklists are practically identical…