Red Responds: She Tried to Leave Him, Then Changed Her Mind

Terry in Farmington writes:

My girlfriend tried to leave me for another guy, twice. But both times she changed her mind and stayed with me. During the time he tried to take her from me, he asked for pictures, and she gave them to him. I love her so so much. I just can’t figure it out–why did she do it, and does she still love me?

Dear Terry,

Your girlfriend does love you, but not the same way you love her. She knows that you are an awesome person, and that you love her above all others – but there are times when she isn’t so sure that you are the one she is meant to be with. Sometimes, she feels like she is suffocating under the weight of your love.

Even though your girlfriend doesn’t always handle herself to the best of her capability, or in ways that are honoring to you and your relationship, she doesn’t want to hurt you. She just gets very confused, and her confusion is what propels her to become close with other guys. None of this is intentional on her part, and she does feel guilty about it. Sadly, she ultimately can’t help feeling the way she feels.

Being in a committed relationship is a lot of responsibility. Even when the love is strong, it can still be quite challenging to handle all of the relationship’s ups and downs. There are moments when your girlfriend thinks that the grass may be greener on the other side. It is huge struggle for her, because she is afraid of losing what she has with you.

I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but I keep seeing a period of separation for the two of you. While I strongly want to encourage both of you to consider relationship counseling, I’m not sure if that will be enough to ultimately keep the two of you consistently together. It looks like your girlfriend is going to need some time and space in the early spring of 2010. This break will help her to really figure out what she wants out of life, as well as this relationship. In the meantime, all you can do is love her, and understand that she has doubts and uncertainties. Even though you don’t want to lose her, be careful not to try and hold onto her too tightly. The harder you try to hold on, the more inclined she’ll feel to let go.

I know that reading this is incredibly painful for you, but at least it gives you the opportunity to prepare. As much as you love her and want to build a life with her, you also want her to be happy. So, if she tells you that she needs a break–be prepared to give it to her. The only way the two of you can build a stronger relationship with a happy future is if you permit her to discover what it is that she truly wants.

Good luck!
Ext. 9226

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