I met this guy online over a year ago and I did not realized that our relationship would go this far. He asked me to marry him, but the problem is our distance.
He lives in Arizona and I live here in Virginia. He sked me to move in to his place, but it’s hard for me to do. First of all I have two kids, I own a house, and I’ve been with my job for almost 15 years (I can re-locate if I want to).
There’s more of me here at home than to just move to AZ. I know that he is deeply in love with me. He wants me to meet his parents and I’ve met his brother and his family already.
Red, do you think it’s wise for me to move in with him and leave everything I have here? I’m confused!
Jane in VA
If you were as in love with him as he is with you, you would already be packing your bags with a for-sale sign stuck in the yard.
I know you have some pretty intense feelings for this guy, but the bottom line is: the long-distance relationship works for you. While I can’t rule out marriage and relocation for you in the future, you aren’t ready for either in the here and now.
If you were to move now, you would settle in and be okay, but you would bring with you questions and regrets. That’s not the best way in which to embrace a new life.
I’m not going to lie to you. This whole situation is going to put some strain on the relationship. I feel that this man absolutely loves and adores you, but will also apply some pressure in hopes of getting you into his home. Buy time, Jane. You can have a very happy future with this man, as long as it is one that you choose and are not forced into.
What I see is you taking the leap, but not for about two more years.
As hard as it is, the best thing you can do is be completely honest with him. Let him know that you are not ready for such a huge step right now, but are willing to keep working on advancing the relationship in hopes of getting there. He will have his moments, and not always be as understanding as you may like, but all of this will ultimately strengthen the relationship; unless you would choose to end it.
Best of luck to you!