Why You Are to Blame

Realize Your Power by Realizing Your Mistakes

When is it time to fess up to your own actions and realize that maybe you truly are the one to blame? And when can you safely assume that whatever happened truly didn’t have anything to do with you? Well, here are a few ways to tell the difference.

1. Things That Are Out of Your Control

Sometimes life happens. Bad things sometimes happen to good people and good things sometimes happen to bad people. We don’t have control over the actions, emotions or thoughts of others. This is really important when it comes to sickness or even death! I remember feeling guilty for the longest time after my mother passed away. Maybe I could have done something to prevent it? Maybe I could have spent more time with her, etc. It took me a long time to realize that there is nothing I could have done and that I had to move on and let go of the guilt. I cannot go back in time, but I can change my perception for the future.

2. Relationships That Went Bad

It doesn’t matter if it is a work relationship or a personal one. In any situation I would advise people to take a long hard look at their own actions and words and see their own part in any fight or dispute. It usually takes two to tango, and while there are times when we’re getting wronged by another, we did have a part in how we responded, acted and dealt with a situation. This is especially true if you find yourself in the same situation time and time again. There comes the point and time where we can no longer blame another and use the same excuses for the same behaviors, while keeping our credibility. If numerous people from different groups keep accusing you of the same stuff, it’s time to point the finger at yourself.

“Like with all things, it has to start with us, but a heart is not forever broken, unless we allow it to be.” – Lacy ext. 5494

3. The Law of Attraction

Nope, I’m not going into a New Age explanation of any spiritual law here. But to say it bluntly, if you keep attracting the same type into your life, namely the type that can’t accept you for who you are, you are the one who needs to shift. I know that this is not what people want to hear, but who we really are does shine and sends a very clear message that some may be totally unaware of. If you once again end up with a cheater or emotionally unavailable partner, if you yet again got screwed over or back-stabbed by a friend, it’s about time to take a look at what part of you draws people that hurt you and are utterly incapable of supporting your growth. Maybe you’re the one who doesn’t want to grow, and therefore you choose that which you know, even though it hurts you. If you’ve been dysfunctional for a long time, chances are most of your surroundings are also quite dysfunctional, because, as unfair as it seems to you, healthy people don’t hang with crazy ones, just like really smart people don’t hang out with idiots. This is what groups and cliques are all about!

“Know that within your spiritual core you deserve abundance. Stay away from people who say otherwise. Take real action to make your goals happen. If you’re thinking about, but not taking steps in the direction of abundance, you’ll usually end up disappointed.” – William ext. 5131

Growth hurts. This is the reason that plenty of people don’t grow and don’t really learn from their mistakes. As we start to shift in who we are, we will inadvertently alienate some of our old friends, because they cannot or will not grow with you. When people only know the broken you, they tend to not react too kindly to the new, healthy you. Misery loves company and as you learn to no longer be miserable, some people may literally sabotage your growth. See, the Law of Attraction works both ways. When you are a happy person in the midst of unhappy people, you’ll just hold up a mirror to them. With each step that you take in the right direction, you’ll just show them what a failure they are by sitting on their butts and doing nothing; even when they are completely unaware of it and hence, will never, ever admit it! After all, friends always argue that they just want you to be happy; but the truth is that very few actually mean it. Usually it’s more a “I want you to be happy, as long as you don’t threaten my status quo and don’t make me look like a failure.”

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28 thoughts on “Why You Are to Blame

  1. Tami

    This artcle came to me at a time I was struggling with serious friendship issues. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me realize I need to reevaluate many areas in my life. I do need to grow away from dsyfuntional relationships and not stay in my comfort zone, I have wasted so many years not wanting to feel alone that I hung onto people that held me back. Again, thank you for the courage to let go and find positive things to focus on. Wish me luck, hopefully the stars will shine brighter fore in this new year. God bless us all! Tami

  2. LWilson

    You are so right! This is something I need to work on. It’s like if you are negative then all you attract is negativity into your life. I have blamed myself for all different kinds of things since childhood and have lived with guilt. It is hard to let go and move on because it’s the only thing I’ve ever known. Now I am 41 yrs old and I am tired of all the stress and drama that I create for myself. I am glad that you shared your wisdom. Something that I will always try to remember and work on. Thank you!

  3. Guylaine

    So true! It’s not easy to step back and acknowledge that we often participate in the “doom” of a relationship. After all, it’s the “action and reaction” principle. We cannot always see it while “in the moment”. Best advice I ever got : ” You can’t change another person. You can only change how you react to them.” AND The best quote: “Change is never voluntary. Change needs a cataclism, a shocking moment of awareness and a resolve to improve .” -Albert Einstein

  4. Louise Luna

    A very good and true piece on a slice of life we all take part in. One of the hard realities of changing the dance of intimacy, even with your girlfriends of a good part of your life is that you may feel lonely, but certainly never look back. I have a tendency to remain ‘friends’ with people who have done terrible things, not just to me, but to others and while, yes, I will be honest and try to bring them around to the larger picture and higher ground, it had taken a toll on me. Some of these friendships were 30+ years. With a healthy dose of Cancer in my chart, I tend to be ‘faithful’ to memories, the good ones. Time invested in these long term life relationships gave me the ‘element’ of a past with them. They weren’t always bad times, but enough to leave a scar on me. I had to let go of just about all of my ‘key’ relationships, especially hurtful were the women friends I had had for so long. Again, memories clad in the gauze of forgetfulness of the ‘ugly’ times. I never wished any harm to them, but I was being disrespected and not listened too, and often just a given that, ‘oh, she’ll forget it.’ When I finally came to that time/life ‘crossroads’, I had to take a hard look at their behaviour, not just to me, but to their other relationships. I also lost dear, dear friends to death and if that doesn’t open a person’s eyes to how valuable real and true friendship and love is…then nothing will. I trust the Universe will guide good and stable people into my life as time goes on and they’ll find a healthier me on the other side. Thanks again for a truthful piece of writing.

  5. Bette

    This has given me something to really think about in regards to myself and I agree with it. I have a habit of blaming others for when things go wrong in my life and really they are simply being honest and themselves. I expect too much from them and I am the one who has been changing quite alot over the last few years. I feel it is true that they may say that they support me and want the best for me, yet I also feel that they really don’t want me to change my spots for then they must look at themselves and that makes them uncomfortable. So there have been times when I have had misfortunes and I can almost feel their happiness about the situation but it is hidden from me. I really liked this topic for I now have to readdress some areas in my own life pertaining to myself and why I feel I am not quite good enough to succeed completely that I must hang onto the old past including the people from the past.

  6. jamil

    True , keen observation will open many hidden treasures of mind that at times one feels that am I in some other world or is this that I am day dreaming. Jamil Khan

  7. Ruthann Derrick

    I am with you Barbra i need a good psyic, to and my account is empty. and my life is a mess. i wish i could find a way , to talk with some one to . but that was a good artical. gives you something to think about.

  8. Carolyn

    Yes, and nasty people tend to hangout with groups of nasty people . Just like promiscuous women tend to form cliques with other morally inept women, birds of a feather.

  9. Barbara

    I don’t know what I am gonna do I need to talk to a psyic but I don’t have any money my bank account is in the negative can you tell me is there another way please

  10. Galina

    Carmen, what a great piece of writing! Such a revelation… I could instantly recognise certain situations and people in my own life. Thank you so much for this excellent, sharp analysis. My head feels so much clearer now regarding some of the stumbling blocks which have been stopping my growth. But the main thing is that we do need to be much more demanding and honest with ourselves if we are not to spend our whole lives blaming others for our failure and misery, and actually started taking responsibility for our own happiness. Truly inspiring.
    Warm wishes,

    P.S. We all have those “friends” who claim that they want the best for you, only to rub their hands in glee as soon as you fall once you start growing. They do feel threatened, this is so true. This is why we need to make tough choices and get rid of them sometimes. Real friends are those who will help you grow and cheer at your success.

  11. renae

    just what I needed! I just asked if I was to blame for a relationship breakdown with my husband not even an hour ago and BAM!!!! Dare you go! Thanks!

  12. kaangie

    I have been in a situation where I was good with my in-laws but they were bad to me but I do not hold any bad feelings toward them.

  13. Vasu Krishnan

    The real regret is that while there were fleeting glimpses and opportunities to escape from lifes disasters,I did not place maximum importance on the fragility of others,and instead assumed optimistically/foolishly that the show would go on-for a year I have been in sorrow after the passing away of my wife and life partner of 35 years.

  14. Tracy Ckarke

    you are completely right when you say that we have to look into ourselves for our own failings and the situations we find ourselves in…i have taken a long hard look at myself after the brakdown of a 25 year relatonship 14 mths ago and much as it hurts have come to the realisation that it probably should have happened a long time ago. I would much rather be with my Husband than without him but i messed up time and time again and lost him to another woman…i’ll never come to terms with the fact that he loves someone else and not me but i am learning to deal with life without him.

  15. Jill Ledet

    most people really can’t handle light people, because if you shine, they feel threatened, the ones to be really careful of are the ones who give, but then later take it back.


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