What to Do When Your Partner Disappears

He’s Gone Into His Man-Cave Again!

The man-cave is the deep, dark hiding space that your boyfriend or husband runs away to when he feels overwhelmed and cannot handle a certain situation. All men have this so-called “man-cave.” It’s dark, it’s gloomy, it may involve a PlayStation, beer, or re-runs of old football games. 100% of the time, it has a sign out front of the cave that says “No Women Allowed.”

The man-cave is where a man goes to rejuvenate, figure out his problems and regain all sanity. Women tend to feel rejected when their guy disappears for hours or days at a time and worry that they might have done something wrong. This is usually not the case. Men tend to want alone time, space and a sense of freedom. Yes, of course women want the same, but women deal with their emotions and problems with different methods. If you are wondering how to lure your man out of his cave so he can see the sunshine once again, use some of these tips to get you started.

Wait Out the Storm

Eventually, he will come out. After all, he may need another beer, morsels of food, or to go to the restroom. (Unless he built one in the man-cave, which is highly possible.) Let your man have his space. Don’t knock on the door, call for him or be in his way. Just let him go through the motions, and he will eventually snap out of his caveman funk.

Bring in Reinforcements

Invite his best friend or friends over, assuming they are all men. Let the testosterone flow, and your guy will be most likely happy to see his buddies. His friends will get him laughing and hopefully they will get rid of the dark cloud above his head. Sometimes it’s only a matter of altering a situation to improve it.

Honor His Favorites

He may sink away to the cave, but once he smells his favorite lasagna, baked salmon or roasted chicken dish, he might feel a little motivated to get up and move. You might just see someone unshaved peeking his head out of his cave in curiosity. Put on some of his favorite music and dance along to it. If it’s rock, play the air guitar! Whatever the case, he will see that he is wasting his time moping around and that there is fun to be had and life to be lived.

Warning: Approach With Care

It’s been three whole days of this man-cave slump. You can’t take it anymore, and you need action on his behalf. You feel ignored, but you know it really isn’t about you. This is when you have to try talking him off the ledge so to speak. He has had three days to mope around and get through the dilemmas he is facing and now you feel you should work on the issues at hand as a team.

Approach the cave with weapons of love; his favorite drink (bring one for yourself too!), snacks, a movie rental you both have been wanting to see and a pen and paper. A hug is always a good approach and it won’t destroy the cave and its manly-man-powers. Don’t ask “Do you want to talk?” as that will put him in defense mode. Ask him if he wants to brainstorm some ideas together, whether it’s for the new kitchen, a vacation, a new business venture or future goals. If you talk to your man about goal driven projects, you might just launch him out of the man-cave and into the world again with a fresh new outlook.

When All Else Fails

Ring… ring… Mom? Mrs. Johnson? How can I get your son out of his man-cave?

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One thought on “What to Do When Your Partner Disappears

  1. Christine

    What if you don’t live with your boyfriend? How do I lure him out? It’s been almost 3 weeks since we’ve talked & slightly over a week since we even texted. (that’s when I tried to enter the cave & met the dragon who told me he just wanted space.)


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