Spiritually Confused

Elizabeth in Calgary, Canada, writes:

I am a 52 year old Capricorn woman. Am I evolving spiritually? For the last five years or so I am terrified of getting old. I use to have many beautiful dreams but now it is rare. I do have visual signs from time to time. For example while I was standing at a street corner, I could see a very shinny penny on the edge of the lawn, 100 yards away, but when I walk to pick the penny up it was buried into the soil which it frightened me. I now feel I am at war with myself because I do have a very hard time accepting this change in me. Even when I go to bed at night I sleep very little because the fears will not let me rest. Will peace and security ever come into my pathway of life? I would appreciate any words of wisdom from you.

Many thanks,

Dear Elizabeth,

Real peace and security in life is very rare. It becomes elusive when we search for it outside of ourselves. No matter how we set up our own personal outside lives, unless we are in a bubble, outside influences (people we care about and love) are always there waiting to happen.

As long as we have other people in our lives, external peace is fleeting. There’s always someone we care about going through some “bad thing.” Through meditation, real inner peace and security starts to grow. Things still happen around us but we are less shaken by them.

Knowing you are at war within yourself is at least the beginning to a truce. Spiritual evolution and inner war? It has to be one or the other, each is a totally different state of being, it is one or another, it cannot be both. You cannot fix anything until you are aware it is happening.

You state you are terrified of growing old and cannot sleep because the fear over whelms you because you sense a change going on in you. When you are out and about in your day you are actively incorporating what you have learned to be “spiritual,” yet at night you toss and turn in fear. This is definitely a change. Is it a change you are willing to accept?

Every time we have a mood swing we have changed, we have become a totally different person. It is as if we have a switch — on spiritual, off spiritual. This is normal part of the beginning process. It is time for you to take all you have learned and incorporate it into who you are. There is a huge difference between knowledge and wisdom. This switch can only be made through meditations on what you know. Has someone taught you truth or only what they were taught?

We cannot stop change and we cannot stop aging, it is how each person processes the inevitable if it is a smooth transition or not. Fear is something everyone has, but the question is how big do you allow it to become? Ever notice when you really want to do something you just step through the fear?

You feel you saw the penny shining beneath the grass and through the soil? Is that what really happened? To reflect there must be light. If during the day you have a certain peace inside of you, you may have caught a glimpse of another dimension, but you will soon find that things in other dimensions are hard to explain with human words. It is more of an experience than a thing to be described. It can never be explained from the mind, it must come from deep inside of you.

Opening oneself up to other dimensions is very, VERY real. It is a real existence with real beings. It is not something to be approached half-hearted, playful, and never in fear. You have done your studies and now it is time to root it inside of yourself, make it part of who you are — not what you do. Meditation takes knowledge and turns it into wisdom, and the fear just naturally melts away. The other dimensions are more real than what we see in front of us. With a strict meditation practice the happy dreams will return, aging becomes graceful, and most of all, you will step through the fear. Yes, true inner peace and security await.

I hope this helps you.

In love and light,


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