Connecting with another person is one of the most sacred, exciting and spiritually challenging experiences we will go through in this lifetime. Sometimes we are brought the perfect person to teach us exactly what it is that we need to learn about love.
Yet what many of us are challenged by is being patient when it’s time to build a relationship. Most of us want to know right away what it will “be.” However, rushing the physicality of your connection just creates insecurity, and insecurity is the opposite of intimacy, which is the key to any successful relationship.
Feeling safe is what allows people to move forward, and this feeling can only be built over time. Intimacy has a lot of different levels, and it isn’t just about physical connection – though that is an important part. Taking the time to listen and learn about someone new in your life will allow a closeness that is based on respect, in every area, to manifest itself.
So try and enjoy this building of a new relationship as much as the physical aspect. Hormones and fantasies can justify your impulse to jump right into something, but it won’t help you find the deeper (lasting!) connection that comes from taking it slowly. So take a deep breath. Be grateful for your initial chemistry. Now slow down your mind – and open your heart.
Trust, and trust more
One of the reasons people who sincerely want a relationship sometimes jump into bed too quickly is that they are afraid if they don’t “seal the deal” and bond in the bedroom, they will lose that person’s interest. If they can just show they are skilled between the sheets, it will “fix” anything that’s askew.
But the truth is, most of us connect compatibility in bed with compatibility in life. If it were as easy as getting and giving good sex, why would any of us talk to each other at all? If you want a love that is built on the simple joy of spending time together, then you must make that the focus of the initial courtship period.
If the connection is there, let it grow. Resist the urge to jump ahead. Everything ebbs and flows. You may feel it more on one date, and less on the next. Keep trusting, and accept the journey to evolve. Don’t count dates. Don’t analyze every word you say to each other. Trust that clarity will come at the exact right time. Wouldn’t you rather spend a long time getting to know one person – and have it last – than have two or three more quick flings that leave you as alone as before?
There is a lot of advice out there about “playing hard to get.” The sentiment is right, but the reasoning is often flawed. Making yourself artificially unavailable is like trying to get someone to drink a glass that’s half-full. But having a full wonderful life that you slowly integrate a new person into is attractive. That’s why your self-care is crucial to nurturing a relationship. Don’t drop your life when you sense that your connection is growing. Yes, you might clear your Saturday nights, of course – but dropping plans with friends, giving up your fitness routine, or spending every night at your new love’s apartment is just going to tell your new partner – “you are my whole life!” And that’s a countdown to an ending – because the pressure becomes unbearable on them. Allow this next level of connection to evolve. Just because the connection is there doesn’t mean it’s time to change addresses, share finances, or adopt pets together! One day at a time… more will eventually be revealed.
Don’t judge the speed of this relationship against anyone else’s romances – or measure it by your own past relationships! If you surrender the fact that this is an utterly new relationship unlike any others, your path to love will be yours only – completely unique, and divine. You will relax into a profound freedom. There are only three outcomes to taking it slow: 1) it will grow into a deep and stable love, 2) you will lose interest, 3) the other party will lose interest. If you lose interest, you’ll realize it was a good thing you found out before you had a joint credit card with them. If they lose interest, you’ll have the clarity to look elsewhere. If it grows into a deep and stable love, it won’t matter how long it takes.
Remember, while you’re checking your watch and wondering, is this going to be what I want or not?, there is someone else in this story, and you have no idea what they are going through. They may still be emotionally letting go of someone else they had been seeing. They may be cleaning out old photographs that need to be gone from their home before you get invited over. Or they may just be giving their heart time to speak clearly.
So, pull back the expectations and have fun. Because above everything, the pursuit of love can be full of joy, and you get to bring that light. So laugh, smile and relax. Love has a way of arriving right on time.
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