Keep Your Power!

Don’t Give Away Your Keys!

Speaking your truth is one of the most important keys to getting the life you want and the happiness you deserve. When I talk about speaking your truth, though, I’m talking about setting boundaries and sticking to them. I’m not talking about spewing whatever comes to mind whenever you feel like it, and to whomever you want to in order to get your point across!

So what’s the difference, you may ask? Speaking your truth doesn’t have an attachment to outcome! We don’t speak our truth in order to manipulate, persuade or force someone to do things our way, see things the way we want them to, or even agree with us. To speak your truth means to stand in your own power and to not allow anyone to take your power away. It has nothing to do with aggression, manipulation or being stubborn, selfish and mean-spirited.

Having an attachment to someone else’s reaction turns your “truth speaking” into an act of trying to get things your way and moves the focus away from you, i.e. holding someone else responsible. To be honest does not mean we have to be mean, a bully, manipulative or unkind, because in a way, we couldn’t care less what the other “feels” about it. It means that you have stated what is and what is not acceptable to your well-being and your own self and that should never be reliant on an outside source.

People are whatever they are and choose to be. Confronting those who have wronged you, or are still wronging you, won’t create peace of mind. The reason is that most people are absolutely unwilling to change or even see their part in an argument, problem or issue. But when we set our boundaries and claim our power, it doesn’t matter if a person changes their mind or point of view, because their action or reaction does not influence our happiness or our peace.

I used to have this very wrong. My idea of always being honest backfired big time, each and every time I would confront a person with their (in my mind) bad attitudes or unacceptable behaviors. I figured, if I speak clearly they’d get it. But they never did and the struggle, fights or arguments would continue. The more someone would misunderstand or misinterpret me, the more I would attempt to “set them straight.” Needless to say, this almost always failed completely. In the past, my “honesty” made quite a few enemies and the feeling of being seen completely distorted, or having been treated unfairly, weighed on me heavily.

To be honest, it’s hard for me to understand that not everyone likes or will like me. There are a lot of people who claim that they don’t care how others perceive them, but to me, and I would argue to most, it does matter. It matters because I’m actively attempting to make a difference in the world and I am actively attempting to be my higher self; and for all of us who take on these roles, we have to be mindful of our choices, words, actions, thoughts and emotions. We do not get to spew bad energy, we don’t get to be passive aggressive and we don’t get to manipulate others and be victims.

Making this decision makes it even more important to fully accept and love yourself. Accepting who you are and stopping to make excuses for it will allow you to keep your power and your peace of mind; as a permanent state of being. When you state and live your boundaries consistently, you will find no need to manipulate anymore. It doesn’t matter if someone agrees or doesn’t agree, because at the end of the day, it isn’t up to others to validate who you are! This power is given to you alone, my friend.

Living your life with honor, integrity, courage and kindness will, in return, attract those who do not require explanations. You will find yourself surrounded more by those who won’t continuously challenge, misinterpret or suck the life out of you and less by those who do not live by the same principles. The universe has a way of weeding out those who no longer belong or serve your growth anymore. So when you “lose” someone to your newly found ability to live in power, let it go and trust that another who has no problem with it will emerge. There is no empty space in the universe. Alas, getting rid of space occupied by those who do not deserve it, will allow a spot for those who do.

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26 thoughts on “Keep Your Power!

  1. coaching youth qb

    Good day! I simply want to give an enormous thumbs up for the great data you will have here on this post. I might be coming again to your weblog for extra soon.

    Reply
  2. sweetz

    I really enjoyed your article. Needless to say, I sat and cried while reading it. It hit me right where it hurts. I’m very loving and caring person. But, I got my feeling shattered in a thousand pieces. I were in a relationship, that I thought was real. But, come to find out that, the person that I were inlove with was very cunning. To me, when people cross me or hurt and say things about me, whether it be true of false…it brings me down.! All the way down! I in return confront them, but for some reason, it backfires. It’s like they are out to get me…i don’t know. It’s like the opposite attraction. But, on the other hand, I have people say nice things, like I lke you, you seem to be a good person or you’re beautiful. But, i don’t let that register! With that said, I give other people my power. And I’m just wanting to get it back. Thanks for you helpful words. I hope to be able to ultilize it in my life!

    Reply
  3. Jacqueline x9472

    Hi Carmen,
    What a profound article, I especially liked the part of not being the victim, this takes real personal accountability for ones self, but the rewards of doing so is incredible well worth it.
    You are the best,
    Blessings and Big Hugs!
    Jacqueline x9472

    Reply
  4. Teresa

    Since I have been married for 4 1/2 years I am not happy in it and the marriage is falling apart.I would like to get a divorce and possibly marry another that I hope he still wants me in his life.I think I would be alot happier with getting a divorce now and getting on with my lonely life.I don’t know what my future holds and it is tearing me apart wondering if I will ever meet my soulmate that is right for me!?

    Reply
  5. Trish

    What you have written is brilliant. it is the truth…especially about learning not to care. i’ve always gotten down on myself for caring what others think, and you said it quite clearly it is because I want to make a difference during my time on Earth School and I want to do the highest good. Truth: Sometimes I can and sometimes I can’t. this has helped me to let go of a very old hurt. Thank You.

    Reply
  6. Ann

    How true this is and how difficult to achieve. I finally woke up when someone I thought was the most important person in my life just up and left and 6 months later wanted to reconnect for a physical relationship only and I said no, not without a conversation on where and what we wanted out of our relationship. He claimed that he could not connect emotionally and only response I had was “I am disappointed” – I figured if I held my ground he would realize want to try and get me back. Boy, was I wrong but I saw the real person. I am not going to back down and leave myself to someone else’s expectations. Again, good stuff.

    Reply
  7. Karen

    I’m smiling and crying at the same time. It took me forever to understand this. It’s all true. FABULOUSLY written article.

    Reply
  8. Janet Shawl

    This is a wake-up call for me. I’ve been in a relationship for almost 2 years, and he tipped his hand the last time we were together, as being judgmental, controlling, and not who I thought he was. If I’d wanted that, I could have stayed married to my ex. I’d been on the lookout for those signs all along, and was never quite sure…….Now that I know what he is, I can move on and quit giving away my power. Even though I have a huge financial problem I have to sort out, I feel liberated. My daughter’s got my back on that one. Thanks for identifying the problem. Things that feel familiar are not always good.

    Gratefully
    Jan S.

    Reply
  9. Lydia Waruszynski

    great article and was just wondering how this could be applied to the business world….especially when dealing with different hierarchies as well as personalities?

    have a great day, Lydia

    Reply
  10. josie

    It seems very true for myself, that we learn to live without persons , who left us behind , or we left., because of differring life experiences happenings ,be it as simple as leaving one’s home at any age and going out to make your own place in one’s educations , jobs, meeting new people , making friends , attending to family gatherings and beleive in self and the world, or worst case events, the losses thru no fault of our own., Somehow, we find what we need to go on, building a foundation , being courageous and continue forward, along the way, we meet and make new friends , new loves and cares , take from the past and present., tie it up in a parcel and give this gift to oneself with the warmth, of all it compasses.Look at the world and say, Thank-you, to everyone for being there…

    Reply
  11. Galina

    Great post, with heart-felt words. It is true that we give away so much power by trying to be in everyone’s good books, and losing ourselves in the process. I had to understand this truth the hard way. Luckily, I saw it in the end, and am now trying to be true to myself, and not let others influence how I feel about myself. Maybe the people who challenge and wrong us are in our lives for a reason… To remind us how important it is to be our own person.

    Reply
  12. Robynn

    Thank You for this enlightening article. It hit home for me as well! I will continue to live my truth, and with the boundaries I have set.

    Reply
  13. John

    The general principles in this article are sound. As a teacher, I have tried to “be whomever you wanted me to be” and it does not work. If I’ve made a mistake, I will acknowldege it and move on. However, if I hear that word “flexibility” in certain contexts, I now know that someone with an agenda is tampering with my boundaries. Each of us has a purpose and certain things we can do well. Once we abandon those values, we become “salt that has lost its savor”. I am enjoying my 10th year of teaching in China, and with certain limitations, I have become the kind of teacher I’d always wanted to be. I can pour energy into this job and not worry about politics or frivolous lawsuits over some chance remark.

    Reply
  14. Rose Cocca

    what kind of boundies are you looking for ..i dont know..i dont remember what i told you..that is my problem..i forget what i said…i might say a lot of thing but i dont remmber….you have to enlighten me…

    Reply
  15. Rose Cocca

    i speak the truth all the time..and i dont lie..that is why im not like to people..because i tell it the way it is..that is why it gets me in trouble….if i say i in love with someone i mean i dont lie about it..if i say that someone is my best friend that is no lie…if i say that i will help one that is no lie..i may say things ..i dont mean and say im sorry i mean it…i dont lie about it that is the truth…to be in a relationship is not a lie…GOD knoiws if i am lieing and that is behind in my head…i mean most of what i say..lies are not in my life,,i doesnt get me nowhere but in trouble..i tell the truth..if nobody believes me that is their faulth…i am happy with my self…

    Reply
  16. Sara

    Thank you for this mindful article. I’ve been struggling with forgiveness – myself and a former partner. Boundaries…. Yes. My lesson: Be careful with lovers who play chess games with you in order to see how far they can (literally) push you physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially.
    There are wonderful, loving, caring, honest people in this world and then there are some very cunning, grinning players who know, exactly, how, where and when to cause havoc.
    How do they get away with it? Practice?

    Reply
  17. misskrystalmisskrystal

    Way to go, Carmen. Excellent topic, great post!! THANKS.

    I had the luxury in meeting Miss Carmen, and I have to say, it was an amazing experience. First thing that came to my mind, is, she speaks the truth, and I felt an instant bond of trust and appreciation.

    I always admire your articles. You are a major asset to this blog.
    Thanks for all you do. Huggies, Miss Krystal

    Reply
  18. JOHNNY

    thank you there is no buts about it.I am left with…………………………..WOW, all i can say is THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH

    Reply
  19. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Fantastic article Carmen,

    I’m ALL about empowerment…..I’ve helped many clients, especially women, reclaim their power, dignity in a way where it has enhanced their daily life AND all types of relationships, romantic and business/career.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

    Reply

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