Break Through the Mind Games!
One of the biggest problems with manipulative dating is that it’s done without your awareness. Today, we’re going to bring these actions out into the open, where we can discuss your options. On occasion, your best defense is to remove yourself from the toxic person. However, some manipulators behave the way they do, because you’ve made it easy for them. If you are unknowingly reinforcing their behavior, the good news is that these relationships can be salvaged. In this article, we will discuss the most prevalent tactics of manipulation, how to identify them, and what you can to do to defend yourself against them.
Dating partners who deliberately belittle in attempts to control you, are one of the worse types of manipulators. These people may say you’re not worthy of their company, or may be more subtle, as in telling you, “You’ll never find a man/woman willing to put up with you like I do.” Your best defense is to give these people clear consequences for their actions. These people thrive from your reinforcement of accepting their insults without fighting back. Instead, make it clear what will happen if they continue to act or say things that are demeaning to you. However, you must follow through with your threat. These partners will never treat you as an equal, unless you put the same amount of pressure on them to change, as they do for you to conform.
Partners who manipulate relationships by guilt, understand they have a strong hand when dealing with a person of a caring nature. They may claim their problems are your fault, making you feel like you have to put up with them, otherwise they will be placed in an even worse position than they already are. In a sense, they are telling you that by going out with them, you have become indebted to their happiness. The best way to deal with this kind of guilt is to appeal to the person’s self-image. Lay out the terms, telling them that you’re sorry they’re going through a tough time, but you need a strong partner who can take care of themselves. If that doesn’t bring them around, they are not ready to accept responsibility for their own life, and you’re better off without them.
Manipulative daters sometimes use conditional love to shape the tendencies of their partner. Whenever you do what they want, they will offer kindness, attention, and love. However, the moment you fail to reach their expectations. They take it away, demanding you to relinquish to their terms. Your defense is not to fall for the inclination to give-in to make things better. If you give into their fits, even just once, they will learn that the best way to manipulate what they need, is by using love as a bargaining tool.
Up and Downers
These manipulative daters often fear intimacy, so they maintain a balancing act of both good and bad moments throughout the relationship. This keeps things from escalating to a commitment. The reason this works is because the sad times influence a partner with low self-esteem to accept the poor treatment in order to regain the favor of their lover. The good times reinforce their commitment, by strengthening their belief that they must be in a blissful relationship. While you may not always be happy, you should never feel you have to beg for your partner’s forgiveness to reap a small reward. Your best defense is to remind yourself that a person who intentionally hurts you, it not worth your time. Take advantage of their next low, and find somebody else.
These manipulators get what they want by making promises they won’t keep. They’re not all bad, as some just like the attention, or don’t have the backbone to tell a guy/girl they’re not interested. Their intention may be there, but when it comes time to deliver, there isn’t enough motivation to get the job done. In defense, you should never loan anything of value to someone you don’t know. In addition, when in doubt you should ask for the promise prior to holding up your end of the bargain. For example, if a partner promises not to lie if you take them back, tell them that you will, but first they must regain your trust. This is one way to establish consequences for their actions, while giving them the opportunity to avoid punishment in the future, by proving to be genuine with their commitments.
Avoiding manipulation can be difficult, as its core design is to be imposed without your awareness. However, if you are unhappy in your relationship, and do not feel secure with your partner, there’s a chance someone’s intentions are not as honorable as they should be. Use these tips to catch them in the act before it’s too late.