Stop Being Polite and Get Mad
If I see one more person hold it in, swallow their emotions and let someone walk all over them, I’ll get pissed off. Where in our conservative Western society did we learn that we cannot show our emotions? I’ve seen time and time again, women who have every right to be mad, but don’t show their emotions.
I was so angry that I ate my way up to 300 pounds. I literally swallowed my emotions and became someone who couldn’t voice her own opinion. It’s harmful, degrading, disappointing and downright pitiful, when we cannot feel free to just explode without repercussion.
Explode Don’t Implode
When I haven’t released my anger, it lashes out in the most inconvenient ways. I’ve barked at friends and yelled at perfect strangers. I couldn’t think straight. My chest tightened, and I found it hard to breathe (I was in fight or flight mode). This would last for days, even weeks. I didn’t even want to be with me.
Through years of personal research, therapy and looks on friends’ faces, I learned when to explode and where. One of my favorite times is in my car, driving down the highway screaming at the top of my lungs. My second favorite is singing loudly! In both of these instances, I am moving from a tense, tight and flight or fright mode to relaxing my diaphragm and slowing down adrenaline. This all helps you to think more clearly. Allow reason to unfold. But you have to explode first!
“H.A.L.T.= When you are too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired it’s time to slow down and take some time for yourself, otherwise you will say or do something that could complicate your life further… and you don’t need that!” Yemaya ext. 5143
If You’re Gonna Yell, Make It Count
Learn to pick your battles. Best words of advice from a previous manager. It showed me that some things were worth tackling and fighting for, while other stuff not so much. Learning to tell the difference is easy.
After you’ve taken a few moments alone, ask yourself this: “What exactly pisses me off?” You’ll get an immediate answer, but that is only the tip of the iceberg. Keep asking yourself the same question until you drill down to the specific source of the problem. You’ve hit it when the light bulb goes on or it will feel like an “Ah HA!” moment.
For example, I was mad at someone I thought was my best friend (for over 10 years!). I asked myself, “What exactly pisses me off about her?” Answer: She treated me like an inferior. I asked again, “What exactly about being treated like an inferior pisses me off?” Answer: I feel devalued, disrespected and lonely. I asked again, “What exactly pisses you off about feeling devalued, disrespected and lonely?” Answer: That I won’t be loved. Ah HA!! (The light bulb not only turned on, it exploded!)
By asking this question over and over again, I took my friend out of the picture and drilled down to the real issue. I was able to disconnect my personal issues from my friend’s actions. With a clearer mind, I was able to go back to her and tell her how her actions affected me. I also worked out the fear of not being loved. I know this has nothing to do with my friend, but with me.
“Remember, nothing changes until we change our approach.” Maryanne ext. 9146
Give Yourself Permission to Get Pissy
Going forward, I give you all permission to explode, not implode, and to express your emotions as unintelligently or as intelligently as you like. There are times when you just need to let it all out. A Tantric teacher of mine urged me to make loud noises when we’re doing various yoga poses. It felt awkward, but mostly I was embarrassed to show my emotions. To me, it felt like I was sharing too much and showing a weakness.
It doesn’t matter where I learned that. The fact remained that this was damaging. I kept myself bottled up and exploded at inappropriate times. Have you ever cried at work because you were so angry? Me, too!
Bottom line: You have the right to be angry. You have the right to express your emotions. And you have the right to remove obstacles in your path.
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