Every reading is a challenge in one way or another. The hardest readings to do are the ones with clients who only kinda, maybe, sorta want to know the truth. Once the truth is out there it needs to be dealt with and a lot of us just don’t want to deal. In the long run, we learn that there is nothing more precious, more profound than truth, than the reality of a situation. I am a very reality-based Tarot reader. I don’t play games. It’s not always easy to be so straightforward but in my world there is no other option… we will read about the TRUTH.
Case in point: Kelly, a lovely 49-year old woman who has been through the ringer. I’ve now been reading for her for more than 4 years and she is someone I’ve come to love and respect. But initially she was a very hard read. Her truth was horrific and painful and overwhelming. Her life was a mess and it all centered around her relationship.
It’s been a long road but I look forward to her weekly readings for many reasons: she’s brave, intelligent, open-minded, has a positive attitude and looks toward the future with hope and eager anticipation. It wasn’t always that way though. When I took the first call from Kelly, she was distraught, could barely get her words out. She was in such a terrible relationship with a man who was verbally and emotionally abusive — a selfish, narcissistic, egomaniac — a man so nasty and self-involved that he had to make her feel bad in order to make himself feel better.
At first, Kelly really didn’t want to know her truth. I mean, she knew her truth, but did not want to admit it to herself or anyone else. She made excuse after excuse for his bad behavior. In fact, she blamed herself for the majority of what was wrong. He had her so twisted, so tied up in an emotional noose that with every new hell that he brought into their home, she became a smaller and smaller version of who she really was.
His energy was so strong that with just a first name and birth date, I knew who he was. I described to her my version of this man — a man she was addicted to — and seemingly hit the nail right on the head. I went on to use my cards to draw out detail after detail of their life. Not just the bad situations — the good, the bad and the ugly. I dissected their past, present and future with very little input from Kelly. At first, she would sit there and just listen and every once in a while I would hear a gasp. I knew I had touched on a nerve when that happened.
For our first couple of readings, I tried to take things slowly, even though I had the whole story spelled out in front of me with the cards. After our fifth reading, I knew for sure that she wanted nothing but the truth and was somehow ready to hear it. We discussed and worked through so many moments that were hard for her to admit to, let alone talk about.
As the months went by I started to see these amazing changes in Kelly. Rather than being passive, she was an active participant. Rather than making excuses for him she began to realize what HIS truth was. Instead of wanting to run away — or worse, live in a state of indifference or apathy — she was ready and willing to do whatever was necessary in order to flesh out the truth. She began to be open to hearing lovely things about herself and understand what a healthy relationship is and what her value truly is.
Step-by-step, reading-by-reading, she began to believe in HER TRUTH: she is a viable, loving, giving person who deserves respect, honor, happiness. Through Tarot she has learned that she needs to love herself, to look inside of herself first and foremost to fill her needs. If she wants something better, something more than the life she was living, it is up to her to make that happen. Kelly started to realize that if she wanted change, it would have to start with her. Her boyfriend had proven who he was and had 9 years to do so. She knew his truth and once she was ready to accept it, everything changed.
It was a hard-won battle, but after 16 months of working through the issues — point by point, one situation at a time, one moment at a time — she eased into her new life. She did what I call “rise up” — gathered the strength and the determination to move towards a better life. While her boyfriend was off on one of his many adventures (all financed in the past by Kelly), she packed up all of his belongings and when he returned, asked him to leave.
He said some of the most vulgar, hurtful things imaginable and then went on his way. For several months he called and tried to get back in the home, but she held her ground. Of course, he would start off with magical, loving apologies but when she didn’t fall for it, he turned on her and unleashed his venomous words. Instead of believing those words, instead of believing him, she believed in herself, in her TRUTH. We do readings weekly, or more often if she feels the need.
The guidance, the wisdom that comes through Tarot — well, there is nothing like it. It IS universal. We are all searching for our truth, for our relevance, for our happiness, for our future. Kelly found hers with patience, fortitude, determination and heart. Although it wasn’t always easy, it actually became easier as time went on.
The more willing she is to act and react, to define, defend and follow through on her truth, the closer she gets to living the life she only ever dreamed of. Our reading this past week was so light-hearted, so positive, and so inspirational it’s hard to remember the Kelly of several years ago. She just built her dream home (on her own) and is so happy and healthy in her own right that she finally feels ready to find her life partner.
She now knows what she wants and better yet, knows what she doesn’t want. In facing her fears, in learning her truth, she’s put herself on a path to a brighter, happier future than she ever thought possible.
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