If you’re wondering how to improve your sex life – or even how to get one started – there’s a simple answer that may surprise you. Improving your desirability has little to do with how you look on the outside – and a whole lot to do with how you feel on the inside. Believe it or not, confidence – the true kind, the sort that comes from comfort with yourself and who you are, as much as your sexuality – is the best approach to seduction.
Think about it. Beyond the celebrities we all find sexy in countless grocery store magazines, to whom – in real life – do we find ourselves drawn? Most often, it’s people who smile easily, who aren’t afraid to meet our gaze – those who move with effortless grace, and feel comfortable in their own skin. Taking all of these characteristics into consideration, it’s the confident people – not necessarily those we find physically perfect – who draw us in. Feeling good about yourself signals potential partners that not only are you easy to be around, but you are probably great in bed.
Why it works
While we all feel insecure sometimes (admittedly, some of us more than others), no one – not even the biggest self-doubter – finds insecurity sexy. A person who isn’t at home in their body will not usually be the most adventurous lover. Even if they are wild in bed (there’s nothing like overcompensation), they won’t necessarily be present and connected. A genuinely confident person, however, who knows what they want in and out of the sack, gives a partner something to aim for… which is vital because, let’s face it, we all aim to please. At least, we should!
On that note, sexually confident people tend to have a certain degree of integrity, sexually speaking. In other words, while a cocky individual – someone whose bravado screams, “Look at me! Look at me!” but whose demeanor indicates their self-esteem is only on the surface – may be less-than-giving between the sheets. The confident individual cares not just about their own pleasure,but about their partner’s as well. Sex, after all, is reciprocal. Very often, how good you feel is a strong reflection of how satisfied your partner is. Confidence creates warmth, energy and passion – and there isn’t a more attractive combination than that.
How to get it
The first step to sexual confidence is getting to know your own body and your own desires – and figuring out how to accommodate them. While it may seem unrelated to actual sex with a partner (never mind flirtation and seduction), a rich inner fantasy life gives you ground for exploration – and increasing confidence. The better you are in your fantasies (however you experience them), the better you’ll feel in real life romantic situations. See yourself as you want to be in your mind’s eye – and it will translate into the way you carry yourself.
Finally, don’t ever be afraid to go back to basics if you’re struggling with insecurities. Remember that what you project to the world is usually what you will receive in return. So, being warm and friendly, kind and courteous – unafraid to give a compliment when deserved, and grateful for all the good you have, just as you are now – will draw those same behaviors from others. Likewise, when you bask in your own sex appeal – without becoming too obvious, or grandiose about it – you’ll become a magnet for exactly the types of people you want to attract, and they will make you feel even better about yourself while you do the same for them.
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