You’ve Been Dumped

As if there aren’t enough articles on breakup recovery out there, I’ve decided to state the obvious and most overlooked advice we should give ourselves when we are dumped. (Side note: Yes, our friends give good advice… but it’s often at the expense of the truth. Read below and take a good look at yourself in the mirror.)

The first step is simply being honest with yourself. Allow yourself to feel blue and accept that all of the bad icky feelings… are exactly what you should be feeling. You should be happy that you are feeling this as you are no longer in shock or denial — you are taking the first step down a lengthy road that twists and turns, and holds many obstacles. However, you must find the healthy balance between healthy sorrow and also not disappearing from society and your life. Look at it more as a little vacation from a life that wasn’t working out so well, whether you wanted to believe it or not.

Here’s a little secret that can sometimes speed up the recovery process and help you forgo a lot of unnecessary negative thoughts. You ready? Here it is: Assume responsibility for yourself and your part in why the relationship didn’t work. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Well, if it was so simple, you wouldn’t be here reading this and pondering, “Why didn’t I do this in the first place?!”

You see, the initial reaction is to go into defense mode and think why would he/she do this, what did I do, etc. But the truth is, deep inside you know exactly why they did what they did. I’m a firm believer in cause and effect with pretty much everything in life where 2 or more people are involved emotionally. I base this theory on the fact that we live in a very passive aggressive world, where people act on feelings rather than being assertive and communicating with someone.

Remember, retail therapy, a few one night stands, or going out with a group of friends is a great way to blow off some steam and not wallow in your sorrows, but you must acknowledge that it’s incredibly temporary and you can’t hide from a little good old fashioned alone time to look at yourself in the mirror and take responsibility.

John Lennon once said that “time wounds all heels.” At the risk of disappointing all those out there hoping that our breakup feelings and thoughts of the person we once were involved with go away permanently… they don’t. The trick is to change your perspective to one of happiness that you now have a memory of a time in your life you shared intimate moments with someone. Our mind is like a big photo album so to speak of people, places, events, and even breakups.

12 thoughts on “You’ve Been Dumped

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  8. AngelEyes

    Rejection is very hard thing to overcome. It’s never easy, but if you keep in mind that it all balances out, it’s easier to get past. Sometimes we are rejected and sometimes we have to do the rejecting. When you look back, you’ll see that it’s in balance.

  9. Jen

    Defense mode is killer. It’s really hard to get outside of yourself enough to accept responsibility. We should take it as a learning process and try to separate it from criticism or rejection.
    Good post, Jude! I like your name 😉

  10. Robina

    I’m still trying to discover my life-lesson after my husband suddenly one day telling me he can’t be married anymore because of his kids. His oldest (18) is on drugs, and going down the black hole. My husband doesn’t have time (so he said) to be a husband, father, and work. Something had to give and that something was me. He said he loves me, is still in love with me, but it has to be this way.
    The pain I have felt in the past month was the worst I have ever felt in my life. But now I have my own place. There is no more drama due to his drinking. My responsibility in this? I’m not sure yet. Maybe it’s just that I loved him too much.


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