What Men Really Think About on a Date

Your Questions, Answered

What is a guy thinking about on a first date? What does it mean if we make it to the third date? Does he really expect me to sleep with him on the fourth date? Scanning across a host of forums and chat rooms, it seems as if every woman has the same romance-related questions on her mind. I think these are all great questions, and they can best be answered using a log of how the typical dating sequence might go with the average guy. Get past the first date with help from psychic and love expert, Venus ext. 9463! She’s got the tips you need to seal the deal.

On the First Date:

On a first date a guy is attracted and curious about a woman. If the date is going well, he will think about where he could take her on a future date, what she might be like in bed, and if she is having as good of a time as he is. If the date is not going so well, he will find himself calculating how much the date is costing him, how long he’s been out, and whether or not he will still have time to meet up with some friends afterward for a couple of beers and discuss his tale of woe. In addition, men also worry about being ushered into the friendship zone, especially if that isn’t what they want. Regardless of how he feels about a girl, the f-bomb is always taken as a loss for the team.

In a sense, a first date is a lot like buying a car. He will look around for any signs of damage, and excess mileage (baggage) from a previous owner. He will take her out on the open road, and may even put his foot all the way down on the accelerator (the “accidental” boob brush) to see what kind of a reaction he gets. He’ll probably wonder what’s under the hood, but settle for listening to the purr of her engine (imagining the sound of her voice in bed). Assuming the “check engine light” does not make an appearance, he will end the evening having made the decision of whether he is ready to buy (second date), lease (recommend to a friend), rent for the day (one-night stand), or if he needs to go home and think about it (“I’ll call you”).

On the Second Date:

On the second date the guy will decide that he wants to take his curiosity further, because the girl has peaked his interested, or he will be one of those guys who has already decided she is his soulmate. Research suggests that while women occasionally fall in love at first sight, most guys can experience this instantaneously at the beginning of a relationship (or even before a relationship has been established). This is what is known as the instant relationship (assuming the woman is game), and may lead to unrealistic expectations, considering the initial commitment is relying on feelings, rather than time and experience.

On the Third and Fourth Dates:

Depending on how the first two dates go, a man will need to decide somewhere between the third and fourth date how serious he is about a relationship. This is the point where a guy must choose between the path of the Good Guy or the Bad Boy—either one being slightly treacherous to his ego, according to his own experience. The way a guy sees it, the good guy usually ends up being mistreated, disrespected, taken advantage of, and will end up in the friendship zone (lacking sex) for the majority of his bachelor life. The bad boy may get plenty of sex, but the price he will pay is having the label, “player” or “jerk,” and setting himself up for a lifetime of meaningless relationships.

According to research the majority of guys want a family and a good relationship with a spouse at some point. Sex is rarely the driving force in a guy’s life. There is only a handful of truly bad eggs out there, and you will know them by their distrust in (all) women, poor outlook on marriage, infatuation with their own bachelorhood, and disinterest in having children one day.

On the Sixth Through Tenth Dates:

Somewhere between the sixth and tenth date the good guy is thinking, “Okay, this girl is pretty cool.” Maybe we could hang out exclusively for a while, as there is really nobody else I would rather date. At this point, the guy has thought about his potential for other dates, and has decided if he is ready to limit himself to just one girl for the time being. This is also a time when a guy thinks about introducing a girl to his parents/friends, and what it would be like to take her on an extended vacation (or “test-honeymoon”). The player is still playing, but most women will have packed up and left long before the tenth date. Are you dating player after player? It must be the energy you’re putting out there. If you want to change things up and start attracting men with long-term relationship potential, give Psychic Jacqueline ext. 9472 a call!

No two guys are a like, so tell us about your own experiences journeying across that sea of love (and heartbreak).

25 thoughts on “What Men Really Think About on a Date

  1. Stephanie

    I haven’t been on a date with this guy or anything. I have a question about what this guy had said to me though maybe or hopefully it could lead to a date though. The question was: what should I think an what should my response be in regards to this man saying I am interesting. Was is stupid of me to say thank you for him telling me he finds me interesting? I never had a man say I was interesting? I was told its a old saying, a mature an intelligent way of saying the man is attracted to me an is flirting with me. I thought about it an i wanted to but didn’t think of it at the time to say I find you interesting as well? I automatically came out of my mouth with thank you I feel stupid but I get so nervous around him an am a quiet an shy type of person maybe cause am so attracted to this man cause I can feel comfortable talking to other guys I don’t really know maybe cause like people told me your not attracted to them.

  2. Bradley

    Insightful article for women attempting to figure out a guy’s view of dating!
    But Its really about the woman’s actions toward us that count!!
    If she makes herself or becomes high value in our eyes then we start to get serious…
    The levels are different because some men are desperate for any woman and others have higher self esteem.Myself I love intelligence and being able to give me great advice on a wide variety of situations.Then when you hold her in your arms how does it feel…

  3. Veronica

    I had a relationship with this guy for a year and a half first he ask me for some space then he stop talking to me and talk crap about me and cheated with another girl. Then after three months he calls and wants to come back and he doesn’t have chemistry with her and he is still with her. What should I do?

  4. josie

    i am only 14 & told a guy i liked him he said it wa special that i told him we talked & talked & he invited me to go laser tagging or a movie with him & my friend which is his good friend too i said yeah sounds like fun he had to go later that night i said goodbye it was nice talkin to u he said same here <3 which means heart or love but then he hasnt talked 2 me i didnt ask him to invite me or even put <3 he did it on his own he also told me not to feel awakward & now he feels awakward im not blaming him 4 that im just saying he said all that & he is the 1 who doesnt wanna talk to me shuldnt i be the 1 upset he kinda played me

  5. Carmen

    I have been seeing a guyfor almost two years, we were intimate right away, we’ve had our ups & downs, he says he’s not the relationship type of guy, and even though I’ve been here for him during two tragic deaths, and I’ve support him in what he’s trying to achieve musically, ive never asked or even hinted on needing or asking Jim for anything very independent i am, hmmm we were discussing someones experience, I shared that in my life I experienced a similar action needless to say his coping mechanisms aren’t that great he didn’t use my name but he did mention what I went through on a social network, I was the ” Friend”, not really sure I want a relationship with this guy, not feeling any loyalty, or compassion, we are both in our 40’s I’m in my mid and he’s just 40, I think by the time you’ve reached your 40’s if your a single guy looking for a hook-up, there’s usually something wrong with the Man or Woman, IJS.

  6. Randy

    I think girls are getting pretty close to playing there last game either or. They need to be suriows You see aguy could care less if you become cripled on the first week your married and still care and have patience with and sex isn’t every thing. So if you think playing games and going and coming at the best times is OK MEN DON’T WANT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I went through avery serious illness with my last wife and ten yrs latter I found I had dementia or getting there. Itwas over? What she didn’t realize was I make more money retired and don;t give a shit about dating again now. Just keep being a player isn’t this what you call us guys. more money more fun. He who lauphs last lauphs harder.

  7. Kristin

    What Eileen said.

    Just because a woman doesn’t want kids,doesn’t mean she’s a “bad egg.”I’m looking for a genuinely nice guy to spend my life with.I don’t want to get married or have kids.How I choose to live my life doesn’t make me a bad person.We are all entitled to happiness in our lives.No one should make us feel guilty or wrong about the choices we make.All I have to say is do what feels right to you and don’t let anyone tell you differently.To each your own.

  8. NYC girl

    Unfortunately those “bad eggs” are out there!! It’s our job as women to weed them out and/or move on once we realize it. There are however good men out there– we just have to seek them out by putting out different vibes and trying something different. Ie: give a good man a chance even though he may not be your usual… Good luck

  9. Catlover

    Like others, this article is good for younger adults. But as one person put it once you have been around the block a few times and the other person has too, your priorities change. I am divorced twice and have a small child from secxond marriage. One of my priorities in my partner is a high sex drive. I met a man online who i chatted with for a week. We met and had sex the first date. But.. we both were not looking for just a hookup. We spent 7 hours together in bed laughing and talking and holding hands and yes having sex. Most people say NEVER have sex on a first date. Maybe that is true for some, but since sex is so important to me and to this other person i met, it seemed like a good thing to get that out of the way to see if we are compatible. We have had a second date just as great as the first and are still talking and planning on a third date. So.. all men and women are different as far as how they handle dating. Whatever feels right between the 2 people should be what happens even if it is sex on the first date.

  10. Wendy

    I am kinda in a same situation as Beth.. This man I’ve been talking to for 2 years on and off. When we’re together, he seems very happy. He even says I make him happy. But he doesn’t seem to want a relationship. I think he is scared of something. I am 14 years younger than him, but I don’t really care about thee age. He doesn’t say he’s scared, he’s just confusing. I stopped talking to him because I got into another relationship, so then that didn’t work out, and he called one day and now we’re talking again. He said he wanted to hang out more, but yet doesn’t make the effort to be with me.

  11. Eileen

    As an avid reader of your newsletter, I enjoy the articles even more than the horoscope. However, I felt the need to post a comment here not because I disagree entirely with the ideas, but because of the underlying misconception that all women want children, and the ones who don’t are not looking for a committed relationship. There is also a growing demographic of married couples (double income/no kids, or DINKs) who are working toward advancing in their careers and whose personal lives mainly encompass spending quality time with spouses, travel, and socializing with friends/family. As an individual who is single and hoping to be half of such a couple someday, I find it a bit unenlightened to label anyone who does not want children a “bad egg” and discount him/her as a potential long-term partner. Love and marriage can take on different scenarios for different people, and to assume otherwise is just plain inaccurate.

  12. Nancy

    The “dance” can be fascinating with Mr. Right. He offered a romp in the hay the first few dates. I politely declined. After a year, I was ready….and he wasn’t. He grew to love me and wanted to make sure we were on the same wave-length. After 2 years, it happened! We were both emotionally on the same page and ready! It’s been an incredible journey – not without challenges, of course, but well worth it!!

  13. Helen

    I know that I am a beautiful woman and some men look at me and just think “WOW ! I can get her in bed” It is not that way. I had to stop and really look at myself and understand that what I want is not what the man wants every time. I’m glad that I learn my lesson. Now I have someone who respects me and really care about me and my body. And that is much better then before.

  14. Beth

    Interesting article. I’ve been dating a 60 yr old, never been married or had children, and I THINK a virgin, for over 10 months. I’m in love and I think he could be but he doesn’t say much about feelings. Actually I don’t think he ever says anything about feelings. We’ve never had sex but I know there’s a fire in the fireplace and the plumbing works fine but he always stops short of intercourse. I have asked him about it several times and the last time I asked why, he said, “when I figure it out I’ll let you know.” I think he’s scared. This guy doesn’t fall into any category I’ve ever seen any relationship advisers talk about. He’s ruined me for all other men because he’s so “good.” I can’t find anything about him I don’t like. He’s never down, never negative, generous, high morals, doesn’t smoke, drink, cuss or chew, I just want more and it’s so hard to be patient because I never have been. Then again, at 57 yrs old I find myself with 3 bad marriages and never a good relationship, so whatever I did in the past didn’t work! We are WAY past the 10th date and the 3 men I know that have worked with him for the past 30 years say he REALLY likes me. They also say they’ve never known him to have a girlfriend. I keep waiting for things to progress, and don’t get me wrong, they have progressed, just very slowly. I told him he was worth waiting for and that I would wait for him and I think that statement would be the wrong thing to say to most men, but in his case, I think he needs to be reassured I’m not going to leave him. I think most guys could fit into one of the categories in this article, but this man fits nothing I’ve ever read about. I’m hopelessly in love but I don’t gush over him or talk about it. I’ve let him be the man and pursue me. He just pursues very slowly. I truly think he is afraid to do anything that might mean forever because I believe he is afraid of being hurt. He was engaged in his 20’s but it fell through. I think it broke his heart so badly that he shut himself off to women. 40 years later, I think it’s going to take an enormous amount of patience for this to happen but I think he’s worth the wait. It’s just so very hard. I’ve known a lot of men and this man is unique.

  15. Angie

    It is better to get to know the guy before you actually call it dating/relationship. Hang out and see if there’s chemistry? I made a huge mistake not doing that in my last relationship. If I had really gotten to know him and what a jerk he was, I would never have dated him. That was a fatal mistake. Find out if you have things in common first. Don’t let him pretend. Find out for sure. Then make your decision.

  16. landstar

    It’s funny how we are compared to a car in this article, kick the tires, check under the hood. Don’t men every wonder what women are thinking? I like one of my girlfriend’s analogies about men and women. She compares us to a chest of drawers. With men, only one drawer is open at a time. If another opens then the other closes, but with women all the drawers can be open at one time. Now is that too much for a guy to handle? LOL

  17. Gina Roseext.9500

    Hi Eric,

    This sounds about right….same thing my male clients tell me during readings !

    Hope you had a nice Thanksgiving, Eric.

  18. shirley

    I meet this guy and I care alot about him , I feel that he led me on then out of the blue he just decided to stop calling and seeing me now my heart feel broken and I’m just trying to move on, how do u move on from a broken heart?

  19. Teresa

    I read Eric’s posting on November 28, 2012 and while I’m sure his “advice” is true for young men who have never been married and are still looking for their “soul mate”. But what about men who have been around the block (some even several times)? Men who have had their families and are now either widowed or divorced and trying to start dating again? Would appreciate some insight on men over 50 and what they are thinking when choosing their “final partner” in life. Thanks!

  20. connie

    this man in v what a woman for 2 year’s he say he dont care abut hir like she care abut him she is in love what him but he at my home with me he tell hir not 2 come to his house why he with me.he take me to his people house to get to know them he tell me love me help

  21. stacy

    At the beggining when I Started knowing men, I use to be in Love. Some times when a young girl loose her first love due to long distance or betraid by her first love she can easily become a player. All my life I’ve met players and I have leant lots of things from them. Forinstance whenever I meet a new guy all I have in mind is just to have sex with him and try not to go forder. The things that lead me to this type of reactions is the way I my ex-lovers have treated me. For my generations, the first date is always about what the guy can offer on bed, can he give good kisses, is he tender, cearing, how does his third leg look like, has he got a good breath, is his teeth? Or has she got a nice body, clean mouth, is she clean?, normaly if a man and a woman can satisfy all this curiousity I don’t think they will have any problem for the nest date. But after that 7th date, they want to know what each others does for living, the type Job they and each others future dreams. Then they can start looking for a way to meet again and agin if they are really compatible. There are some many fantasy out there with every one of us. No body is normal or having a normal relationship any more exept our grand mothers and fathers.

  22. Angie

    I am 41 and been talking to a wonderful guy on line for a three months. He’s 35, and works with the gov as a military translator. He’s travels about 6 months back and forth. He’s returning to CA, in about a week. I’m going to meet him for the first time. I’m excited, a little nervous. He has mentioned on our conversations that would like a serious relationship like me. I would like to know, if when we meet and spend time together would it be right or wrong for us to be intimate? He’s been gone for a long time in the Middle East and I’m sure he’s not only attractive to me but excited like me. It’s our first date and would like to do the right thing. He’s going to be here only 2 weeks.


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