When I first talked to Haile — not her real name — she was just in the process of leaving a 20 year marriage. She had 3 children and was coming from a place of hurt on all levels. Her husband had consistently cheated and belittled her to keep her in a place of sadness and hopelessness. She finally got the strength to leave him.
In the process of the divorce, her son felt torn between his mother and father. He opted to go with his Dad. I told her not to worry, her son would be back to stay when he could heal from their breakup. I told her to just enjoy the time with her daughter. After the divorce, she began getting her self-confidence back and she started meeting people.
She met a man she was crazy about but yet it was never right. I felt his ex-wife around him all the time — even though he said he was divorced, he was really never able to be there for her. They were still playing games back and forth. She finally said enough and left that relationship that seemed to lean one way… his.
Then she met Ron (not his real name) a very successful business man. They had a whirlwind start up. The first 3 months was sheer bliss and then it happened. He got scared when the ex-boyfriend started calling her. Ron shut down his emotions and threw the wall up. No matter what Haile said to Ron, it did not matter. The fear of him totally giving his heart and her leaving was the overwhelming state of mind. Then he started talking to an ex which really bothered Haile. Now they both had the same thing brewing. Ron had a very painful marriage and divorce which left major scars on him. I had told her he would be back when he could emerge past the fear that was holding him back and he had no intentions of letting her too far from his sight.
I guided her to do what soothes her soul and do things that make her happy. Haile decided that there was nothing she could do but put her time and energy into other things. She is a professional Hula Dancer, teacher, and she is also a very talented singer. She joined a new church and choir. The choir filled her spirit with so much faith and love she just felt everything would work out for the best no matter what. She would call and tell me she just knew it would be ok and I validated that the “Ah Ha” moment would hit Ron.
In the meantime Ron and Haile stayed in the friends category. No intimacy, talked on a regular basis, had dinners, played board games with her daughter. She called one day heart broken — she saw him on Match as an active member. I told her he would not have any connections and not to worry. I conveyed that if she stayed away from focusing on it he would loose interest.
This whole thing started in the summer of 2007. Ron moved to Illinois, his home state in 2009. Haile was sad to see him go but wished him well. Again as she told me the story I said it’s not over yet my dear. Ron called in July and told her he had just bought a beautiful 7 bedroom house and wanted her and her son to come visit in August for a month. I had predicted she would come back engaged.
Here’s the kicker: Haile lost her son for a few years to the ex and Ron lost his kids to his ex. Haile and Ron got their kids back in June. His daughter was so excited they were coming. When she returned in September, she called me and said, “You were right! I’m engaged!”
Ron said he just could not live without her and asked her to move to Illinois with him. The “Ah Ha” moment went off in his head. She moved the week before Thanksgiving.
The moral of the story is this whole process took 2 years to unfold. Haile healed from her previous relationship. Ron healed from his insecurities and allowed love back into his heart. She called me last week to tell me how very happy they all are. Unconditional love and patience pays off.
Abigail ext. 9570