According to the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology, 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. Given these statistics, it’s a wonder we don’t just do away with the institution entirely. Societies change, and with them, the needs and behaviors of people. What was once considered a sacred union is frequently demoted to a case of bad decision-making, followed by a messy termination. Divorces used to be difficult to obtain, but today, it is as easy as signing a rental agreement for an apartment. Let’s take a closer look at the circumstances and mindset associated with failed marriages.
Unwillingness to Do the Work
The effort it takes to keep a marriage on the right track entails much more work than many people initially presume. It requires, among other things, constant open communication, respect, compromise, and your ability to work as one unit toward common goals. It’s one thing to understand relationship maintenance in theory, but in the day-to-day practice, it’s easy to lose sight of these necessities. Stress, exhaustion, unfortunate events, job loss, health problems, and a failing economy are just a few examples of factors which can easily compromise the integrity of your relationship. Disrespecting one another, taking each other for granted, and refusing to take responsibility for the part you played in whatever issue the two of you are facing are several ways that couples erode their relationship.
Family wealth, lack of funds, spending habits, and widely divergent salaries play a major part in the financial issues which arise in many marriages. This is where sharing similar views on earning and spending money are almost a necessity. The more you can see eye-to-eye regarding finances, the less likely you will be to butt heads as financial problems arise. If one partner resents that he is earning significantly more of the money, or that her partner‘s spending habits are disrespectful or destructive to their living arrangement, it easily leads to feelings of resentment and eventual arguments. If you two cannot work out a common ground regarding your bank account and earnings, the disunion will eventually tear the relationship apart.
The Desperate Attempt to Find “The One”
Pressure from society, romance novels and films, and family and friends, certainly have an effect on your decision to marry, whether you realize it or not. You are taught at an early age (Disney films, anyone?) that your true mate is out there somewhere, and that when you find him or her, you must marry them, have kids, and live happily ever after. As you get older, you may begin to panic as you realize that your perfect someone hasn’t shown up yet. Biological clocks ticking – and society, parents, and friends pushing – can lead you to choose to marry even if you’re not convinced that you two are the perfect match. And this is based on the belief that there is a “perfect one” out there for you, which may or may not be the case; certainly no one and no relationship is perfect. Many who are disillusioned with their marriage just want out, divorcing their mates and coming away with an ever more jaded perspective on romance and relationships.
The Loneliness Factor
There are many people that do not know how to be alone with themselves, rejecting single life as intolerable. These people attach themselves to mates easily in an attempt to be a part of something, just to avoid feeling isolated. The problem with this is that many people settle for a relationship that is not ideal, just to have another person in their life. Being comfortable spending time alone with yourself without feeling “alone” is something a fully developed, whole person achieves, although this is easier said than done. Many people simply feel the need to have others around to “complete” them. This is a false sense of completion, and any relationship based on this will crumble given enough time.
Avoiding the Work Within by Swapping Partners Out
It is easier to find fault with others than to take responsibility for your faults and work on them. If things become too hard in a relationship, partners may just take the easy way out – divorce. By blaming the other person, you do not have to change. Instead, you change partners, telling yourself that this one will be different, only to find the same issues cropping up in your new relationship. Some people marriage-hop in this fashion, discarding the old hubby or wife as soon as the relationship forces them to take a good look at themselves.
2 thoughts on “The Merry-Go-Round of Marriage”
While I agree with much of what this article has to say, allow me to toss aside my feminist hat and say that I am very tired of the same old b-pucky about how a person should not look for someone to complete them and should be content to be on their own etc. etc… This line of thinking is very much a result of over thinking love issues rather than experiencing them and it is perfectly natural for men and women to seek someone who completes them. I think this is a biological function of mating and the reality of it has been around far longer than modern psychology. Perhaps this new independent manner of thinking has come as a result of more women in western society being financially independent and therefore able to make choices not available to them in the past, however the dissatisfaction men and women are feeling in marriages I believe is the result of the pains we must endure as we each experience our changing roles in society. Even with men and women adapting to a world where we have greater equality than ever before, there are millions of years of evolution that cannot be erased in a mere generation or two that we have to consider, and men and women need to relax and realize that it’s okay to need each other; to crave another to complete them. My marriage has lasted 20 years.
Great article, One of the hardest things that one can accomplish is the success of a marriage, but both parties have to have the same out look on marriage, there is no perfect partner, relationships have bumps along the way as everything in life.
Relationships need to season, but the success can be well worth the efforts.
Blessings and Big Hugs!