The Case for Going Slow in Relationships

Wow. We live in a kinda speedy society. So, I need to be honest here. Tell the truth and shame the devil … in my wild youth nothing moved quick enough for me. But I am older and hopefully wiser, definitely better looking! So many clients of mine are sweating the speed. Why?

Fear. Fear of not getting. Fear of losing. When we desire an outcome that we don’t receive in our own good time, we react with hate and lust. Tsk, tsk. Hate at not getting our own way. Lust at well … lust. There begins our suffering. Bummer. Suffering is icky.

Seriously, don’t you think if your love-bunny was ready they would have taken that “next step?” If for nothing else than to shut us up. Honor their process. Allow their healing. Compassion is not the same as sympathy. We need compassion in our romantic relationships. Play nice. How would you feel if your love-bunny was pushing you into a speed you weren’t ready for?

In the clinging comes the suffering. The Yoga Sutras II-16 states, “Pain that has not yet come is avoidable.” So we cling. Then we lust. Then we hate. Then our hate ultimately destroys what we think we love. Then we suffer. As I have already pointed out, suffering is icky. Love is patient and kind.

I strongly suggest we not bully our love-bunny into getting our own way. The illusion is shattering. We are not giving pure love. We are loving based on expectations. How unfair. Remember, play nice.

11 thoughts on “The Case for Going Slow in Relationships

  1. Natalia

    I agree with the need to be patient and it’s so hard to do it. At times I’ve felt about ready to give up becaues I start worrying that I’ll die before my desires are fulfilled.

  2. susy

    Time is of the essence, if your love cannot provide your need, then they will never bother, I give them a year and then it’s splitsville, at my age building life together is what matters…many lovers come and go because they are not emotionaly able as I am…anyways, I don’t want to waste my time nor do I want the hurry up hurry back ordeal of making everything else more important than love.

  3. Doreen

    WOW! Great article Ivy.
    Sounds like it was written with me in mind,lol. I am now learning, (with a great deal of help from you) that although, we want it all so quickly and on our terms, that there are two people that make up a relationship. Just because we may be in the perfect situation to accept love, its not always that “perfect” time or situation for our love-bunny.
    As they say, “All Good things comes to those who wait”, and I truely do believe that. Sometimes, we have to learn to focus on the others around us during that journey so we don’t let life pass us by, and not to neglect our friends and family for the sake of love. Life is too short not to have fun and enjoy the journey, the destination will always be there in the end.
    Love ya sweetie, thanks again for the enlightening article. Look forward to reading more from you.

  4. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Time, and this is also for Antara who posted in here as well…..

    Every situation is unique, as all Karmic circumstances are unique to that individuals’ path and purpose.

    There is no set ” formula ” on how long one should wait, or when it is time to move on.

    You cannot compare somebodyelses’ story/history on a blog to determine what to do with your own individual relationship, as people vary …as do situations…..

    It’s nice to chat with and read about another persons’ adventures in love… for support (?) maybe,…..but remember, everybody is different. And the articles are educational and thought provoking as well….
    I do not do fly-by-blog-quickie readings as I feel it is unprofessional….but I’m speaking only for myself here.

    In all honesty…only an in-depth and thorough professional psychic reading can help each individual determine what course of action to take.

    These are questions, for both of you, to ask the favorite psychic of your choice….I wish you both blessings , joy, & happiness.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

  5. Pepper

    I too can relate to this “un-nurtured” type of relationship. I had a boyfriend that was a runner, not in the jogging sense but in the emotional sense. When he started following is heart and feeling close to me he would distance himself. It brought my insecurities of not being loveable to the surface. He would say he thinks about me all the time….what did that mean? Lookig back, completing that thought with the expression ie, email, text…something to let me know he was thinking of me would have nutured our relationship. We don’t always have to be present with someone to feel their love. Somethng as simple as letting someone know we are thinking of them can build a strong connection!

  6. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    I agree with Gina Rose-if that is the “hand” that destiny throws us-So, are we goinog to play or pass? We do have choices in this…

    I loved this article. Red mentioned, a while back, in an answer to a very “complex” love question, that,”Love is Love”– and, I think you can apply that with “time” to.

    Being a Leo sun/moon in scorpio, of course I would like to go fast lol it’s in my nature. But, did I want quality or quantity? And I learned to accept conditions as they are….

    It’s different for all, however…Like Gina Rose, says, “Be in the present.” And remember what Red said, “Love is love.” It doesn’t matter how we arrive to “love”, there are many different paths in order to get there, or, to get there again, the next time. Some folks have it fast, and a lot of us have to watch it grow, and be patient…A lot of this is karma, too.

    If you see something you really like, and you can see that there is a chance, believe me, your heart is trying to tell you something. Hey, it may not be exactly, the way you want it to be, but I promise you this, that Life is never the way you expect it to be sometimes. It can surprise you at times, in a good way, and sometimes it can let your expectations down. But the mystery is- with what? Will it be with love? Money? Family? Social life?
    You just never know. of course a reading, with a psychic can help, greatly…

    You could have the greatest love, no matter which path you took in order to get there. Whether it took a while, or it was a whirlawind, we can’t say one is better than the other. It’s just what the hand of fate/destiny throws you, and of course, what you decide to do with it…

    I strongly suggest a psychic reading if you are having doubts or perhaps mixed up about the path your love interest is going.

    There is no right or wrong in regards to how long love takes to grow. Keep in mind, wanting love, has some risks, too. However, there are many people out there that are just too fearful to try to date or, try to love. So they don’t. But one thing, I know for sure, Love will find you. But it is you, that has to do the accepting of the situation in order for it to have the chance to grow.

    For the people who had to take the slow boat–Please don’t worry, you do have a destination, but the boat may be moving slow, but it is still MOVING! ahah.
    It can make it to where you want it to arrive. And once you get there, boy do you feel triumphant! There will be days that you sing, and some days that you cry, but isn’t that love anyway? We sing, we cry, we forgive and we just keep on going! Love is love no matter what route you took in order to get there…

    Thank you Ivy, for provoking these thoughts in me this morning. Wonderful article.

    God bless,
    Miss Krystal

  7. A CP fan

    The phrase that we should not bully our love-bunny into having our own way really struck me, because it reminded me of the man I am currently seeking a divorce from! I hope he learns to have more compassion toward others and not so many expectations. Great article, Ivy.

  8. Ratna

    true, true. i would like to know is how slow, how much more long to wait. i agree about space etc,but when teh guys come on they come on so quickly and so strong, and then withdraw. why? What are we supposed to do/ wait for them to get back into the mood again.

  9. Time

    How slow should a relationship go before you’re just looking like an idiot holding on to something that may never happen? I have been in a relationship for over a year and we’re head over heels for each other. With that being said, I haven’t met his college age kids, we haven’t met each others families and he can only commit to a little time to spend with me because he is so busy at work all the time. He has met my kids a few times. I know he’s not cheating on me so there’s question about that but he had two failed marriages and decided to throw his time into work and kids and can’t seem to give/find time for me. Seeing him only 4-5 times a month isn’t enough. Will he ever be able to balance it all and give our relationship more time and energy or should I move on?

  10. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Ivy,
    I loved this article !!!

    When you love somebody, you should also respect their need for space and time. Many of my clients are now finding that relaxing and just enjoying the relationship, being present in the moment and patience IS the key.

    Ivy, you wrote a short but power-packed article chock-full of brilliant advice and truths.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500


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