Determine Your Own Value
Julie from Hartford, Connecticut asks:
I’m single and have been involved with a married man, off and on for 5 years. Some days the situation fits well with my wants and needs and what I’m capable of putting into it. Other days I feel it’s lacking and that I deserve more. I’m always the one (of course!) that breaks it off. I end up missing him horribly and within 6 months it’s game on again.
Others judge the situation and tell me to break it off for good. But it has to be my choice for my reasons. Feeling like I lose if I stay and I lose if I go.
First off, I am not really sure what your question is. Do you want me to tell you what you should do? Well, as you already stated, it has to be your choice and the problem is that you won’t make one; or to say it better that you won’t stick with one. If this has been going on for 5 years it is very clear to me that you did, in fact, settle and that you do, in fact, believe you can’t do better. Sadly, when we do this kind of dance, we also tend to believe that this must be love and that no one will ever love us like that again. And this is where you are wrong.
“If you are being played played and it feels good let the music play. If not, change the tune and find a new guy.” – Psychic Quinn ext. 5484
YOU are the one who determines your value. Not him, not your friends and not some other guy. And as long as you, or your subconscious, believe that you do not deserve to be number one, well, no one else will either. Which means that you will keep attracting more of the same.
“The only person you can change is yourself. Learn to accept others as they are or move on.” – Psychic Rivers ext. 5273
I will not bore you with the usual “Of course, he is getting the best of both worlds,” etc., because you already know that kind of stuff, even if only deep down inside. So, what I will tell you is simple. Keep going, honey! Maybe, one day you will get to the point where you may feel worthy enough for a man who makes you a priority and a relationship, which requires true intimacy and closeness. Maybe you should figure out why you deliberately choose a non-threatening and shallow relationship that requires no commitment and true openness on either part. I suspect that you have quite a bit of soul-searching to do, namely to figure out what it is you actually want. If this relationship affords you more positives than negatives, then stop dissecting it, if not, then move on. But either way, the answer lies within you, not him.
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