One reader discovers love but soon finds she’s the only one investing in the relationship. With hurt feelings and emotions, how can she recover? Carmen weighs in by helping her identify some solutions within her own letter but also points out that tough situations can be defined by how we deal with disappointments.
Put Yourself First
Ann from Stoughton, Massachusetts asks:
I need advice. I came here five months ago. My high school sweetheart found me on Facebook, and I thought this would be my last love of my life. But he has done nothing but hurt me and my emotions. I give but I get nothing back. I just want to go back to where I came from and try to put my life back in order if possible. I feel like such a fool coming here and letting him use me like this.
There is no use in crying over spilt milk, so don’t feel like a fool. Bad situations can happen to anyone, regardless of who we are. The defining factor is how we deal with disappointments. So instead of beating yourself up, acknowledge the fact that people can, and usually will change (sometimes for the worse) and move on. See, unless you can build a time machine and go back and change the situation, i.e. get involved with him, there is no use in sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself. All that will do is make things worse and leave you feeling drained, bitter and unhappy. Alas, you cannot change the past! You can, however, change your future!
When you make statements like “I give but get nothing back,” you are merely acknowledging that you allow another to take advantage of you, while taking a victim stand. We all give, and some give more, while others give less. Balance can only be achieved when we know when it’s time to stop giving to others and start taking care of ourselves.
“How do you decide who is the right man? You will know that you have the right man because you will feel balanced, stable, loved and the challenges that come with the man won’t drive you away.” – Leo ext. 5265
What you cannot do is keep giving to a person, expecting them to reciprocate, while you complain, but don’t stop your own behavior. It sounds to me that this guy is a bit of a douche, so why cry after him? Find yourself someone who is willing to be open and honest, as well as adding to the relationship. The love of your life will not treat you bad, or use you, period!
Chalk this one up as a good lesson learned and move on. Above all, forgive yourself and don’t beat yourself up any longer. You are a Leo, go and take charge of your life and be the larger-than-life person you can be.
“People we attract into our life are reflections of who we are, therefore become first what it is you want to attract.” – Rivers ext. 5273
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