One reader expresses her concern over a lack of sex in her marriage to a man who has never initiated the act. Carmen weighs in with the different possibilities as to why, but also how to address him and ask for more sex.
Changing With Your Husband as He Ages
Bonnie from Cary, North Carolina asks:
I have only been married three years. My husband has only had sex with me ten times, and I started those ten. When I ask about it, I get no reply. He never hugs me and the only real kiss I have recieved was on our wedding. He always says he loves me, but now I’m at my wits’ end as to what to do.
This is a tough one. The question I would have is how was your sex life while you were dating? Did he lose his interest after you guys got married? Either way, it’s time to have a real conversation about it. You need to sit him down and tell him how you feel. Don’t accuse him, or put him down, because this is a delicate matter and requires diplomacy and sensitivity.
There are many reasons why a man may lose his sex drive and some of them have absolutely nothing to do with their partner. Men can lose their sex drive with age, due to their testosterone levels dropping. This is something a doctor can help with. Other reasons include stress, depression and exhaustion. The problem is that no matter what the cause is, we tend to take it personal. As women we tend to connect our feelings of self-worth and base our feelings of how desirable we think we are on the physical feedback we receive from our men. When they cut off the sex, we tend to think it is something we did, and therefore often believe that it is also something we can fix.
“Real trust takes real time.” – Reed ext. 5105
Have that conversation with him. Sit him down and tell him that you really need to talk about this. Do not ask him, but tell him that you miss being physical and that you would like to work on that part of your relationship. Tell him that a healthy sex life is important to you and that you miss intimacy. Maybe he can at least agree to touching and cuddling without the sex part, until he figures out what he needs to do. Either way, you definitely have to talk about it, because if you just let it simmer, you’ll end up building resentment towards him and that will only end in bad times. If he loves you, he will at least listen to you and hopefully, agree to work on this. No matter how much we love someone, a relationship without any physical contact is simply not going to work in the long run.
“To attain the love you want, be prepared to be, or work to become, the type of person you want to attract!” – Yemaya ext. 5143
Have a question for Carmen? Ask it here!
Exclusive offer: New customers can speak to a psychic for ONLY $1 per minute. Select your psychic advisor here.
Can a psychic help you with your love life?
Talk to a psychic and find the answers you’re looking for. Call 1.800.573.4830
or choose your psychic now.