If you’re looking to turn up the heat in any meaningful relationship, it’s time to renew your thinking. All it requires is that you remember an old saying – and its modern twist. Absence makes the heart grow fonder – and it can make your other bits feel warm and fuzzy as well!
The premise is simple. We often want what we can’t have, or at least we think we do. Usually, what we really need is a simple reminder of just how good we’ve actually got it! So, by nixing the nookie for a little while in favor of some extended foreplay, you’ll find yourselves thinking of each other day and night, longing to see, smell, taste and touch each other – and you’ll expand your romantic repertoire to spice up your sex life for the long haul.
Here’s your guide to sexing it up – without sex.
One of the quickest ways for sex to become boring and staid is for one or both of the partners to feel like they’re doing it out of obligation. The excitement is gone, but the expectation (we’re supposed to have sex, right?) remains. As a result, positions become habitual, and orgasms are perfunctory… No wonder lovemaking feels like a drag!
To rid yourselves of this “rollover” routine, remove the expectations altogether. In fact, go in the opposite direction, toward a spot of abstinence. Agree to not have sex for a night. Or two – or ten. Your kisses and touches, which may have devolved into customary warmups for the scheduled surrender, will become genuine expressions of affection and adulation. By ruling out anything other than a modest makeout session, you’ll find new ways to express love and desire – as well as amping up for future endeavors.
Having decided not to do the deed, you may be concerned that you won’t even think about it. Odds are, it will be exactly the opposite. By removing your regular release from the repertoire, you’ll likely have sex on the brain even more, which will lead to indulging in flights of fantasy. Make it a point to share these thoughts with your partner (being sure to include them, of course), and ask that they do the same. Let each other know that you’re thinking about doing x, y or z and you may be surprised by the surge in intimacy you experience, and how it increases the sexual tension between you.
Once you’ve agreed to go without, and you’ve indulged in the exchange of your sexual thoughts and fantasies, introduce a little more intensity into the equation with a sexy two-way massage. Light some
candles, play a sultry song playlist and go to town on each other, using only your hands – and maybe, if the mood srikes, your mouths. The point is to enjoy each other, and above all else, not to rush.
Remember what you learn
The most important point of all this restraint is that you take the information you’ve learned about each other – and the renewed passion and closeness you likely feel – back into your sex life once you reintroduce the deed. Preventing monotony in love takes work, and it may require revisiting the fornication-free zone on occasion, in order to dig yet more deeply into your relationship’s sexual potential.
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