The Ethics of What You Do and Don’t Say
Your reasons for having a secret or two in a relationship can be merciful, or they may be downright deceitful. Whether it’s right or wrong to keep a secret from your partner depends on what the secret is, what your motivation is for keeping the secret, if it will affect your partner, and how your partner will react if and when they find out.
Very few things in life that are secret stay that way forever. A slip of the tongue, or a simple slip of paper, running into people from your past, even talking in your sleep, can all be the undoing of the one thing you thought was best to keep from your lover.
Rocking the Boat
Even if your secret seems minor or unimportant to you, just a little thing you thought best not to share, the very fact that you have a secret at all could crush your partner once the secret is revealed. It may not be the actual secret that hurts so much, but the fact that you didn’t trust them enough to tell them in the first place. They’ll probably start to wonder if there are any more surprises you’ve forgot to share.
This subject is a rocky road on a craggy cliff, plagued with what-ifs and why-nots. Ideally, it would be best to have a relationship that’s open and accepting, forgiving and non-judgmental. That’s in a perfect world.
In real life, revealing a secret may cause a rift in an otherwise blissful union.
Keeping a secret could also be your assurance that your lover sees you in a flawless light, as if you could do no wrong. Very few humans are perfect, and even fewer of us haven’t got at least one skeleton in our closet.
Timing and Approach
The best way to approach the dilemma of keeping or revealing a secret is to wait for that perfect moment when the opportunity presents itself, allowing you to judge the mood of the moment and how receptive your lover might be. Delicate situations call for delicate timing.
If you want to come clean, for whatever reason motivates you, prefacing your confession with a proclamation of love and devotion might bridge the gap between a lie and a goodbye. Chances are that if you’re opening yourself up to someone, you care pretty deeply for them, so taking that extra pre-step could only do your confession good.
Baring it All
If you’ve come to the point of having no fear, ready to accept whatever may come next, know what brought you to this point. Chances are if you’ve reached the point where it eats at you and you feel you must bare all, that says a lot for the love you have and chances are it’s also felt by your partner. They say “honesty is best,” and maybe that’s because being honest can help you purge those nagging feelings, and it will lead you towards healing both you and possibly your relationship.
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