Don’t Get Addicted to the Just-Starting-a-Relationship Buzz
In the beginning of a relationship, you might say these things: “We used to talk every day!” “We would text each other for hours a day!” “It was intense. It was silly. It was exciting!” But now, he’s gone quiet. You hear from him every week or so. He never initiates contact. And, you just want things to go back to the way they were.
Take a deep breath, relax and, let go of any notion of “going back to the way things were.” You have burned out the energy of a new relationship. You have run it like a crash diet, not like a long-term partnership.
The silly, fun, exciting, almost morphine-like high of a new relationship is intoxicating. It’s all too easy to get pulled into it like an addiction. It is a wave of feelings, giddiness and intensity that not only feels extraordinarily good, but can distract us from the mundane habits we go through daily. We can burn through this just as fast as being on the latest crash diet. You can only do it once, and then you’re done.
There is no going back or doing it again.
It cannot be sustained for long periods of time. Every new relationship goes through this type of thing. It’s also what fuels intense flirtations. It’s almost like a rite of passage with strong attractions. But in all cases, it dissipates. It is a finite amount of energy. It ends.
So how do we tend to respond when this feeling ends? We have one of two choices: Either we decide to add more energy into the relationship and begin to build a longer, more solid and stable foundation for the future, or, we decide to walk away. Some relationships end at three or four months. Some intense flirtations dissolve and never become a real relationship. Yet, we long to have that feeling back. We go through withdrawal pains.
It’s very challenging once you burn through your supply of energetic morphine. It’s just gone. There’s no more. There’s no going back to the way things were “before.” This is actually very good news because you can roll up your sleeves and go to work on a more solid foundation for a longer-term relationship… if, and I mean IF, you both want it. The pain is in wanting more morphine and not getting it. Yes, sometimes we must go through the pain and disappointment of withdrawal when these energies are gone.
There are those who are constantly in search of this morphine high in meeting someone. They constantly flirt or they jump from person to person in three- or four-month relationships. Others want it to last forever with just one person. Either way, when the energy is gone, it can be very painful, empty and lonely. The one thing to remember is you can never go back or refill the tank. The choices are to either move on or roll up your sleeves and do the work necessary to build a solid relationship for the long term.