It seems that more and more couples are dealing with infidelity these days and there must be an underlying reason why so many turn to others to satisfy one void or another within themselves. Why do people cheat? As I’m sure you could have guessed … the reasons are different for men and women.
Men tend to cheat for three reasons. The first is not feeling needed at home — most of this stems from low self-esteem. The majority of men like to feel needed and wanted on the home front, and will seek this emotional connection elsewhere if they don’t feel they get it at home.
The second reason is some type of erectile or sexual dysfunction, or even sexual addiction or compulsion. Dysfunction can lead to a man feeling he cannot satisfy a woman, and he may blame his partner and seek to prove himself with other women.
And the third is alcoholism – alcohol will lead to lowered inhibitions or even a blackout, and to jumping into situations without thinking, knowing fully well that they then will go home to their spouses, who will yell at them for drinking and for disappearing for hours on end. These aren’t the only reasons men tend to stray but from my experience with callers they certainly are leading the way.
A woman will cheat because she is not being treated well by her husband. In today’s society, more and more women have to work full-time, unfortunately. These women, who are not feeling emotionally fulfilled at home, will meet a man in the work environment. The man will compliment her, etc., and in no time at all they’ll be in a short term affair. The woman will often seek a divorce, thinking that the man she is cheating with is going to be with her after the divorce.
Does it work? Heavens no. Call it karma, vulnerability, or whatever – bottom line, the cheating people are not in love. They are in lust. Lust can often (very often) be mistaken for love. However, once it fades, it’s usually gone and therefore lust ends up not going anywhere.
Over the years, I have found women to be the most vulnerable of all. They think that a man is going to leave his wife of some twenty-five plus years in order to be with her – and that’s just not going to happen. Most men have already been to their lawyer to check how much they’ll have to give to their wife. When they find out what it will cost them and that they’re going to lose the respect of their children, they change their minds and stay where they are – not to mention concern about their home, their pension and any other benefits marriage brings them.
As far as the wife leaving, most of the time, she doesn’t – she’s going to overlook her husband’s affair. She’s dealt with him cheating more than enough times over the years, and she’s come to the conclusion that she would lose everything if they divorced. The wife, although hurt and angry, will wait it out until the affair stops. There’s a lot of hurt on all parts – sometimes it can take years to heal, sometimes you don’t heal at all.
A bond of loyalty and trust has been broken – and some people never learn to trust again. The person who cheated will be left with the guilt – the person who was cheated on will not only feel betrayed, but will also feel dirty inside. Unfortunately, breaking the trust of someone is one of the most valuable things to throw away.
My advice is to please think twice about your relationship, your marriages, and your affairs. It truly becomes a no-win situation.