Sex Tips on What Not to Do in the Bedroom

Try at Your Own Risk!

To each their own, as they say, except when it comes to really bad sex advice that’s just waiting to ensnare some unsuspecting, experimental, sexually active individual. Sex advice is everywhere, but what you need to know is advice not to listen to. Take note of this bad sex advice before jumping into these kinky, uncharted waters.

Pour Honey (Or Some Other Sticky Substance) All Over Your Lover and Lick it Off 

While certain foods can add a sexy playfulness in the bedroom, any substance that takes 50 licks to remove and still leaves things tacky is just not worth the mess. Plus you’ll be so worn out from the arduous tongue workout that you’ll be too tapped out when you finally get to the really good stuff.

Tearing Off Your Partner’s Undies is Sexy

Unless one of you is wearing specially crafted underwear made to easily tear, you’re both in for an exhausting, futile-at-best, humorous event. At worst, someone is going to get hurt! Talk about rope burn! Turn up the romance in the bedroom safely with advice from Psychic Marin ext. 5113!

Surprise Him or Her With a Freaky New Sex Move

While certain surprises in the bedroom can be hot, introducing something new and edgy can easily have an adverse effect on your partner. The more kinky the idea, the better it is to give your partner a head’s up. You want to turn each other on, not freak each other out.

It’s Incredibly Hot to Have Sex ____ (Insert Location)

Experimenting with different places to have sex can indeed add spice and kink to your love life. Just keep in mind, not every place is appropriate. Consider the discomfort of a tryst on the beach without a blanket or something beneath you (even then things can get tricky). Everyone knows how sand can get everywhere, and getting rubbed raw in certain intimate places is the fastest way to kill the mood. Wishing to join the Mile High Club (sex in an airplane bathroom)? Those bathrooms are so tiny and uncomfortable even for their designed purpose that just the thought of adding a second person and lots of physical activity is a downer. And that’s before you consider how unsanitary it is to engage in such intimate pursuits in a public place. Psychic Lucy ext. 5353 has the tools you need to take your romance to the next level!

Pour Hot Wax Over Your Lover’s Naked Body

Ok, unless your partner is into some serious pain with their pleasure, fire and extremely hot substances should be kept far away from the bed. This just creates a mess on top of injuries. If you must attempt this, there are candles specifically made to burn at a lower temperature, reducing the chance of maiming your lover in your quest for the ultimate pyro experience.

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4 thoughts on “Sex Tips on What Not to Do in the Bedroom

  1. Jan

    I loved this article…….. It made me laugh…. I am always looking for new ways to play, lol, and found that sex toys are very expensive. One day my dog bit the head off my toothbrush, a one that looks like a tampon? but is battery operated, well I found it works a treat as a toy, and the battery lasts ages, so if anyone is interested, lol. Thanks dog!!!!! Theres more!!! but naughty things too, but lord its fun even at my age, so no, no honey, no waxing, maybe no shaving too, wouldnt look so great in casualty dept. Well done Alina, lovely article. xxx


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