Why Your Relationships Keep Failing

Stop Failing “Relationships 101”

Love is the thing we are always either in, out of, looking for, or confused by. Do you find yourself in one failed relationship after another and you don’t know why love never works for you? If you have a question about love, you’d better give Psychic Venus ext. 9463 a call. After all, she is named after the Goddess of Love.

Venus says, “Relationships are a subject in the school of life. If you don’t pass the subject, you’re going to keep taking it again and again.” You know what not passing feels like. It feels like all your girlfriends are married with babies and you’re alone at the local bar on a Saturday night, thinking the guy dressed head-to-toe in acid-washed denim who keeps trying to smell your hair has good romantic potential. Why do you keep coming back to this bar every time a relationship fails? It’s because you make the same mistake over and over again, and that mistake is not learning the lessons of the failed relationship that just ended.

You were with someone you’re not compatible with. You compromised who you are, what you need, and what you believe in just to get someone else to love you. If acid-washed denim dude is starting to look good to you, let’s hit the pause button and get back to basics. Need to get back to the romantic basics? Call Psychic Venus for a love intervention.

It starts with a list. Get your pen and paper ready. In section one, you’ll list the attributes your future partner must have—the deal makers. In section two, you will list the attributes your future partner cannot have—the deal breakers. In the third section, you’ll list the traits you’d be willing to compromise on—i.e., you don’t care whether your partner has these traits or not. Be honest! Need a few ideas? Here’s my top five for each section (The traits in green are the traits my husband, Brandon, possesses):

Deal Makers

1. Able to live within his means/keep a job

2. A (dark) sense of humor

3. Liberal, politically

4. Willing to split household chores

5. Not religious

Deal Breakers

1. Kid(s) from a previous relationship

2. A criminal record or drug/alcohol abuse

3. Low sex drive/lazy/not active

4.  Workaholic

5.  Negative outlook on life


1. Tattoos/piercings

2. Meat-eater

3. Taste in movies/music different from mine

4. Doesn’t like to read

5. Close with family or not

As you can see, my husband, Brandon, meets every one of my deal makers, none of my deal breakers, and a majority of the qualities I was willing to compromise on. Now take some time and work on your own list. It doesn’t matter how long or short it is. What matters is that you mean everything you include on it and you apply it to every potential partner you meet. You should know what you like, what turns you on, and what traits you admire. Once you have the list, adhere to it in order to avoid another temporary, failed romance. Psychic Venus says, “You can’t have a love relationship not based in reality.” In order to have a relationship based in reality, you have to look at yourself realistically. You have to know who you are. Who are you? Venus knows.

Your relationships keep failing because you don’t have a list, and if you did have one before, the things you listed on it weren’t really significant to you, were too superficial, or you didn’t choose mates based on anything you actually listed. Your list is your picture of lasting love, so take it seriously. It goes beyond eye color, a certain height, or a mustache.

Now memorize your lasting love. Make several copies of this list. Keep a copy in your purse or wallet. Keep a copy in your desk at work. Keep a copy under your pillow and sleep on it at night. Give a copy to your best friend so they know who you are looking for and will keep an eye out for you. Always have a copy nearby to remind yourself what lasting love means to you. Psychic Venus points out that “We aren’t supposed to be successful in every romantic relationship we have.” I agree with her, but I would add that we also don’t have to continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. Venus says you just “have to do the homework, and the homework is you.” Take her advice, because I don’t want to see you in my classroom again. Psychic Venus ext. 9463 has even more tools to guide you through the school of romantic life. Homework time is only a phone call away!

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11 thoughts on “Why Your Relationships Keep Failing

  1. rosecoccarr

    I did love once but I don’t think it was the right one…someday maybe I will find someone who can make me happy…my ex..has his own life to live now…

  2. dmarantz moderator

    @Francisca, if you have your list, yet you are still falling for the wrong one, it seems like you aren’t sticking to your list very well. Sometimes we feel like being with the wrong one is better than being with no one at all. Are you afraid of being alone? It’s a common fear, but I think one you have to risk in order to meet the one you are meant to be with. We have a lot of articles on this blog about embracing your singlehood. I suggest you check them out. They may make you feel better.

  3. arise

    Thank you Gina Rose, I respect your honesty and relentless positivity! :^)

    I’m happy to report that a couple years later, another great guy found me who has helped me grow in love more than I thought possible.

    Cathy: He walked away because he realized he couldn’t make you happy! He did you a favor! When you think of him, bless him! The next time will be so much better, I promise! Look ahead! Get “Keep Looking” by Sade, and dance to it when you start to feel discouraged.

  4. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Nice article, Venus !!!!

    And to ARISE……one of the most intelligent postings I’ve ever read on this blog !!!
    ( and there are many intelligent and wise readers and posters in here )

    Dear Arise, you really do ” get it ” I see !!!!!

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

  5. Cathy

    I have a list and followed it to the letter, but still failed. It hurt worse because he was everything in my must-haves, and only a few in the compromise, while zero in the deal-breakers. I still don’t know why he walked away. I have been working on myself and had been previously working on myself but it still stings.

  6. arise

    I made a list like the author suggests. That guy manifested with those qualities and much more. But I was then confronted with the fact that I didn’t embody the qualities I was looking for! Like emotional availability, candor, financial stability, etc. I had to let that relationship go, to build a better relationship with myself.

  7. arise

    Cindy Lu of “The Four Man Plan” says to make a list with the top three qualities being: honest, loving, and willing. Then cross everything off the list except the top three.

  8. Konchan

    I also have my own list, it’s has the must have qualities, compromises, deal breakers. My list is long, detailed and important to me. I will make more copies, and keep it around.

  9. Francisca

    Hmmm I did have a realstic list and always fell for a wrong one…and still fall for the wrong one. I have no clue what’s wrong with my love life…


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