The One Thing Every Man Needs to Hear
There is one thing I think every man would benefit from: I’m talking about opening their eyes and ears to their relationships. That means that the best thing a man can do is listen to their woman. Most men are familiar with the phrase “It’s like talking to a brick wall,” because we’ve heard it a time or two.
There are numerous studies that describe men and women as complete opposites. Men supposedly have an inability to read emotions, because we’re taught at a young age to resist our brain from empathizing with feelings. We’d rather stop the process at its physical state of arousal, which is why when a woman is describing her bad day to us, we prefer to try to do something about it, rather than just listen and understand.
Then there are the studies that have concluded that men have an overabundance of “old brain,” which is basically an excuse for why we mostly just grunt and scratch ourselves a lot. Our brains have not evolved beyond the stages of basic communication; so full sentences are not always an option.
I’m from the school of thought that believes that men aren’t all that far away from women emotionally. There are studies that suggest men are actually slightly more in touch with their emotions at birth, but through social interactions learn to stifle this. I think a big part of these differences has a lot to do with motivation. The motivation to hear, the motivation to understand, and the motivation to empathize and change our actions in order to make our partner’s life easier.
Where most articles instruct women on how to play a vocal tune that guys will understand, this one is meant to help men meet women halfway. Hopefully, somewhere along those borders we can discover a compromise to help improve our ability to communicate, listen, and understand each other. Listen up guys, because I know you’re only going to read this once.
The Best Way to End Nagging… is to Listen!
There is a reason that we’re told to turn the television down twenty times during the season playoffs. It’s because you didn’t listen the first time she asked. You don’t have to do exactly what she says, but you do have to acknowledge her request, and attempt to make a compromise to satisfy both sides.
Don’t View Arguing as a Competition
Nobody ever wins a fight in a love relationship. Just ask the guy across the street who’s sleeping on the couch tonight. Men view a heated argument as a competition, and end up planning their defense while she’s speaking. The best way to end any argument is to listen, repeat, validate her feelings, and then get on with the make-up sex.
“Keep your partner happy by being happy yourself.” – Blythe ext. 5339
Listen, Repeat and Validate
A guy’s ego is easily hurt, which is why when a woman starts expressing frustration you immediately turn on your selective hearing: “Those potato chips are leaving crumbs on the couch. Are you listening to me? You think you’re so cute.” This request ends up sounding like “Those crumbs on the couch are so cute.” However, rather than tuning her out, try listening to what she says and then repeating it back to her in such a way as to validate that you understand her. When a guy tells a girl to “lighten up” or “chill out,” he’s basically saying her needs are unimportant to him.
Studies show that when a guy is in a heated debate, his heart rate and blood pressure explode through the roof. This is because arguing triggers the fight or flight response. At this point, his body wants to take action (do something), but all he can think of is to yell and flail his arms about. As far as most men are concerned, this is how an argument ends: frustrated, and with him tending a throbbing headache.
Women have a different final step to this response, involving empathizing with the other person. Research suggests that guys resist this stage, because they’ve been taught to shy away from emotions. If you can rediscover empathy, you can bypass anger, skipping right to the understanding and problem-solving stage.
Now that we’ve got that over with, you’ll soon be wishing you listened to your girl a lot sooner!
“Relationships magnify the human experience.” – Quinn ext. 5484
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