At some point in every relationship you’ll come to a crossroads. To the left will be the decision to meet the parents; to the right, call it quits. Let’s take a look at this all-important crossroads in two parts:
Part 1: When it’s Time to Call It Quits
Knowing when its time to take a relationship to the next level can be a difficult decision, one that may be ultimately telling you it’s time to call it quits. The scenario is usually that one partner is pressuring the other to take the next step, but they are dragging their feet, presumably in limbo about the final destination of the relationship. You can either wait around for them to come around, or move on to other pastures.
One way to look at this decision is to picture yourself gambling at a blackjack table. You may not have received much of a return on your investment so far, but what keeps you there, betting hand after hand, is the possibility that you might just hit the jackpot if you hang in there long enough. The other driving force is the fear of getting up and walking away from the table a loser. This fear is usually driven by the dread of loneliness and the unknown. Once we have spent a portion of our life with someone, it can be daunting to find the courage to let go, so we let it linger.
Only you will know when it’s time to get up and call it quits, but here are a few helpful tips to consider. First, never let the fact that you have met somebody new and interesting get in the way of taking care of business with your current partner. Too often the grass seems greener on the other side, when it is actually just a different shade you’ll one day be just as bored and frustrated with. Second, relationships take work to become great, and if you find yourself shuffling from relationship to relationship, it might be time to ask yourself if it’s you that’s the problem, and not them!
Part 2: When it’s Time to Meet the Parents
The general consensus about meeting the parents, is that it should not be done too soon, nor too late. In other words, meeting the family within the first three or four dates could be a bit premature, and a red flag of your budding love affair. On the other hand, if you have been with the same person for over a year and they continue to skirt the idea of meeting the parents, this could also be a red flag that they have gone about as far as they will ever go (in other words, you’re in danger of becoming a perpetual hookup).
A few tips to consider when meeting the parents is to keep an open mind, but be aware of unwanted influence. While you can never judge a book by its publisher, there certainly seems to be some truth behind the old cliché that the apple never falls far from the tree. One study by a university in Hungary has shown that our parents often designate the type of mate we will choose (for better or worse). Studies also show that families influence our weight, health, and the quality of our own relationships. This is not saying to judge your partner by their family, but just to be aware of any potential outside influence.
One of the worst things a parent can do is interfere too much in their child’s relationships. Outside influence is one of the greatest predictors of an unhappy marriage in newlyweds. The problem usually occurs when one partner, usually the guy, does not know how to detach himself from the influence of his parents. While parents mean well, studies show it is better to let kids make their own mistakes, rather than try to guide them. Not only will their relationships prosper under their own guidance, but their marriages will seem happier.
It’s not always the parents meddling that is at fault, however, as sometimes the kid asks for help whenever faced with a difficult situation. In some young couples, their partner is the second person to know about important decisions and events in their life, and they may even leave their lover completely out of the loop under extreme circumstances. Meeting the parents is an important part of taking the next step to building your own family, but remember there is a thin line between respecting your family’s advice, and losing your individuality as a new couple.
2 thoughts on “Meet the Family or Call It Quits”
Fantastic article, I agree with you, meeting the parents should be something that should be approached in a timely manner, waiting a year is not a bad idea, it gives you and your partner time to see if this relationship is going to go the distance, without any interfierance from the family, even though sometimes the family does have a big role and influence in the relationship, letting the relationship grow and flourish, is often the healthiest thing you can do.
Blessings and Big Hugs!
I am so glad this article was written. This issue would be an excellent reason to call a psychic. I am going to mention some things, and it is my hope that other readers, who have seen in readings, the same thing I have, to please come forward and share.
Talk about the tip of the ice berg? I have had on several instances, people getting very upset with me when I have tried to tell them, “This is way too soon to meet the parents, there is something going on.” Please know, that most of the time, when someone, immediately, wants you to meet their parents, most of the time, the parents are going to decide if this relationship continues….Once in a blue moon, and only in super quick engagements (which don’t happen that often), is when this is okay-And once in a while, I see it, hardly ever at all..In fact, almost 20 years of professional experience in this field, I would say I have seen it maybe five times? Yes….Most of the time, I see, especially with the men (wanting to meet their parents asap) it is so the parents can give their approval. I have had people call me, not too long after meeting the parents, saying, “He said it is not going to work, and will not talk to me anymore, just cut it off.” I try to get them to see the connection, a lot of times a persons ego will not allow them, just to see, what truly went on here. Sometimes I get a person who wants to see the truth, and will agree or, tell me, that had to be it…
Ladies, please stall on meeting the parents, try to go at least a season if you can, and sometimes that is still too soon. For many reasons. Parents can give their opinion, and if a bond between the new couple is not strong enough, or attachment is not as strong, people’s parents and families can have big impact and especially, if a person has fears of relationships. And it can also work reverse-where the person you take to meet your parents, too soon, can be picky about who they want their inlaws to be, and make a cold decision. I have seen itt both ways. If it is a huge party or event, then go, you really have not any choice, but make sure to almost act like you would on a job interview…And this can happen, too.
On the other hand, I do disagree with the one year mark on meeting the parents. Due to complex issues in our society, it is not good to push on this issue, unless it has gone into perhaps a year and a half…Same with meeting the kids, in divorced familes…Let me tell you why-I have seen many people come around, and open the invite to meet their kids and parents, but a little later sometimes, due to the new modern issues that so many people face with pressure and the fear of the past/future. I think a person should wait a year and a half to finally speak up. I would never push on this issue, a lot of times, it works itself out, as the person who is stalling, realizes, this is not fair and eventually, does make it all happen. I would add six months to your cut off period, Eric. And for many, this will not be an issue anyway, but it can happen, and due to the fact times are changing, and what I have observed, I feel it is best to give it a full year and half before making it a big issue. It usually will work itself out. There is always a special situation, however, and if this is the case, where it is taking more than a year and a half to meet family, then it is time to get a reading and we will show you a good time to address this…
These are very important things. Thanks again, for bringing up something that people seem to minimize.