We all have checklists we use to structure our lives. The grocery list, to-do lists, shopping lists during the holidays, so why not a list of the most important things we need to understand about our relationships before marriage?
1. Family – Do you like my family? Is there anything that annoys you about them? Do you have concerns of their interference with our relationship? Where will we spend the holidays?
2. Friends – Do you like my friends? What is your position on going out with them together or separate?
3. Expectations – How do you see our marriage playing out? What things are you not willing to negotiate (smoking, weight gain, location, religion, etc)? How many cars will we have? Will we have pets? What kind? How many trips (vacation) will we take per year? Where will we go?
4. Commitment – What are your views on being faithful to a relationship? Is there anything that might compromise that?
5. Household – Where will we live (apartment, rental, house, etc)? How will the household be maintained? How will the chores be split? How will decisions be made?
6. Career – What is your position on career opportunities which may require us to move to another town, state, or country? Will we both work?
7. Children – Do you want children? When? How many? Where will they be raised? What is your opinion of moving around while raising children? How will they be punished? Will they be baptized? What religion(s) will they be taught? Will we save for their college education?
8. Finances – What is your current financial situation (how much debt, credit score, current financial obligations, etc)? What is your idea of spending (enjoy life now and spend while you have it, save it for a rainy day, etc)? Where will we bank? How will we save?
9. Sex – How much do you need/want? How open are you to talking about sex with me (needs, fantasies, preferences, concerns)? Do I know your complete history of sexual health?