Will Your Love Change Him?

Will Your Love Change Him?

Can Your Love Change a Man?

Most of you are probably familiar with the story of Beauty and the Beast. If you’re not, here’s a quick summary: Belle is imprisoned by Beast. He’s mean, angry and controlling. As the story evolves, Belle learns to love her captor despite his obviously abusive treatment (also called Stockholm Syndrome). Belle manages to see a softer, more vulnerable side of Beast, and she thinks that’s worth saving. She melts his wounded heart. It’s her only objective. She has no identity or ideals outside of their relationship.

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You Can’t Love Them Enough

Belle manages to love Beast so much that he turns into a handsome prince. The message is, if you love someone enough, you can make them a better person. If they don’t become a better person, it means that you didn’t love them enough. Think you can love someone enough to make them a better person? If you do, you believe a fairy tale!

A Painful Myth

Many women painfully discover this myth after years of giving their whole heart to a partner who is aggressive, controlling and intimidating. But the dream of saving him from his brooding, dark troubles is a fantasy that somehow rationalizes subjecting themselves to poor treatment. What’s worse is that in the midst of all this, some women feel like their men haven’t changed for the better simply because they haven’t loved them enough.

Drawing the Goodness Out

It may be true that everyone has goodness inside them, yet if a woman takes it upon herself to draw that goodness out, she may end up feeling hurt and betrayed. She may be looking for the goodness, but the person she is attempting to draw it out from has no interest in accessing it or living from it unless he can use it to further manipulate his partner.

A Bucket Filled With Holes

You can’t change people and it’s not your responsibility to do so. Sure, you can impact, inspire and support people, but you can’t change them. They have to want to change. If they don’t want to change, you’re simply pouring water into a bucket filled with holes, and that’s unacceptable. You’re better off just walking away.

Compromising Your Dignity and Self-Worth

When you chase that kind of love, you are compromising your identity, dignity and self-worth. A man can’t give you what he doesn’t have. We are all worthy of being treated with respect, love and kindness today (not in some distant future) and  certainly not when it’s contingent on someone eventually sorting out their problems. If a man can’t respect you, it is not your responsibility to try and fix him so he will. It’s never your job to just love a man. Instead, be yourself, love yourself and expect that same love and respect from your partner, whatever relationship you’re in.

Setting the Bar too Low

Back to Belle and Beast. Beast doesn’t actually become good. He doesn’t do anything overtly loving and caring for her. He just isn’t as abusive, violent and hostile as he once was. It’s as if not being an opprobrious S.O.B is somehow a really big achievement. Belle sadly sets the bar really low.

Write Your Own Love Story

You have the right to get back what you give. The kind of love that you share, should be shared with you in return. Kissing frogs, transforming beasts into princes and losing your voice for love are all narratives set up for the convenience of men. I have two daughters of my own and I hope that they will write their own love stories—narratives that begin and end on the premise that they are worthy of receiving love just by being themselves.

I can help you find someone who is worthy of your love!

Psychic Archer ext. 6512

5 thoughts on “Will Your Love Change Him?

  1. Mary L

    I am on a very limited income so I am not able to talk to Teva my special person. She is really
    great and full of good advice. Thank you for thinking of me.

  2. Richard

    GREAT post. Women have a natural tendency to want to perfect the man they are with. It’s biological in my opinion. I think it has something to do with their ability to make life in their bodies. There is an inborn drive to create something perfect. Asking women to NOT try to perfect a man is asking a lot I think, but a lot is required of women to harness their natural creative energy for purposes other than baby making. I think women can get overly focussed on their romantic relationships and forget how to create and recreate themselves…. sometimes to the point of obsession. Usually it’s because there is some pain inside them that they can only face by healing the same or a similar pain in their beloved. I like the straightforward advice and coaching you offer in your post. I also appreciate that you set the tone for compassion with oneself in troubled situations. Thanks.

  3. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Archer,

    I agree 100 % with you !!! Excellent article !

    Unfortunately, too many times, these gals have been fed the fairytale myth that ” love endures ” , and will conquer all. And while that may be true in some exceptional cases, usually it’s not. Meanwhile, they give up
    their power, dignity, self respect and self esteem…..truly sad.

    As a psychic, and I am a career psychic having done readings for decades now and teaching budding psychics as well, I have an ethical and a KARMIC responsibility to tell my clients the truth, the good and the bad…..whether they like it or not.
    Bad news is sometimes hard to swallow in the moment, but the truth will set these women free and empower them to go on to find a man and the kind of love they desire.

    Keep on writing Archer….love your articles !

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500


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