Please Liam, I really, really need your advice. There is a guy I’ve been seeing long distance. Things ended for a while, but now I don’t know where things stand. He runs hot and cold, in my opinion, and I’m confused over whether I should let things go or whether I should pursue further. I think I’ve been more of the aggressor, and I fear being too aggressive. However, at times it seems to work out okay, and he seems to welcome it. I’m in conflict with my true self, and the unsure nature of this relationship confuses me further. I’m normally shy, but there’s this other more passionate side of me I’ve discovered being with him and it kind of scares me. I love being with him because I feel like I’m learning more about my true nature, but sometimes I’m not sure if he’s really interested. If there’s any way you can offer me a small bit of insight, I would be most grateful. Your answers to others are so revealing, and I hope you can do the same for me. Thanks Liam.
Liam ext. 9020’s Response:
Greetings, Athena. I thank you for you kind words. I think I can shed some light on your experience with this fine but fickle gentleman. Everyone has different aspects to their nature and you are wise to question your preconceived notions of self. Very often what we perceive ourselves to be consciously is little more than a mask—a creation of social pressure and familial conditioning. What is really in play is not nearly so easily defined or illustrated. Strong emotions of any kind will act as a corrosive to that mask; eroding the surface illusion and allowing teasing peeks at what really lies beneath. When I look at this man I find that he’s more than a bit of a bore. But he’s your bore to bother with since you’ve decided you fancy him—to each their own. Though in all honesty I feel I must warn you that you are far more of a woman than he will ever be a man. Still, you have asked for my input and I’m happy to oblige you in how to go about fetching this fellow for your amusement.
To move forward, however, I want to give you a better understanding of what it means to be a sexual aggressor. It has nothing to do with making a nuisance of yourself. The sexual huntress, the female predator, knows the best ways to use her precious energy; timing her pounces and attacks for maximum effect. Being the one who makes all the phone calls, sends all the texts, asks for the dates, is not being a sexual aggressor. It’s being a subservient enabler of juvenile behavior. Always be cautious of the male child in adult form. This peculiar state of arrested development has become almost the status quo in Western culture. Men are pampered and babied by women all of their lives. Their unfortunate lovers are little more than surrogate mommies who continually wipe their noses and badger them to take out the garbage. These whiny fearful fellows seem quite content to vamp the lifeblood out of women while watching thousands of years of culture drain down the gutters.
If you want to take advantage of this more passionate side you have discovered and be the sexual aggressor you have every right to be, then assignment one for you is to read some Virginia Woolf. Her works give excellent insight into the vampirism of female creative force by the men in their lives.
Assignment number two is to stop where you are right now and envision yourself as a true predator. When you say this fellow likes your aggressive tendencies, I’m afraid what you really mean is that he likes it when you make him feel special. He likes it when you call and make all kinds of effort to get his attention and approval. He likes listening to you make suggestions and future plans. He’s like a little king with a nice mommy making sure his coat is always buttoned. How sweet. He doesn’t respond to you outside of this because he sees women as peasants – soft pretty creatures who exist to make him feel warm and cozy. Even as servants for his ego’s gratification. Now don’t get me wrong, I can see that he does indeed have feelings for you. Honey, his attitude is a mess. A man like him will be fascinated by a woman who is aggressive in her approach. Either that or he’ll be terrified.
In any case, here are some rules to play by that will see an end to his hot and cold dithering, and usher in a new era of him being far more attentive.
First and foremost, stop initiating all the calls and messages. Don’t make requests for his time. Start vanishing for short periods. It may seem that he doesn’t notice, at first, but, in reality, he will smart and wince every time you fail to show up to give his ego its familiar stroking. When you do talk to him, always manage to insinuate a few notes of the sexual variety. Mention that you were very aroused on the subway home today for some reason and you didn’t think you’d even make it in the door. Initiate e-mails with wicked themes and when he starts to play along, drop the subject and go away. Let a few days pass. When you make yourself available for contact again, suggest having phone or cybersex. Learn to lead him to climax at a distance using phrases that gently and subtly express your authority. Take control of the sexual aspect of your interactions and make them your own. Something you want for yourself in which he is a supporting player. Then begin to reward the behaviors you want to encourage such as contacting you frequently and making himself available at your discretion. He’ll straighten out soon enough as long as you take pains to maintain a mystique. Disrupt all your known patterns with him and let this fellow begin to worry that perhaps you have other special friends who might take his place in your good graces should he fail to earn it.
Above all, be a woman. Women are truly dangerous creatures in the game of love. Much more so than the unfortunate ladies who assume sexual empowerment means acting like a man. Never make your sexuality masculine or neglect your own submissive side. A wise huntress knows the trick of luring prey by pretending to be vulnerable. Conquest is sweet and, really, he’s an easy one. Take him, mate him, keep him, or cast him aside. You can always find more captivating challenges; much stronger males with much stronger wills who are far more satisfying in bed and everywhere else. We’ll have you changing your name from Athena to Lilith in no time.