Are They Independent or Just a Player?

Are They Independent or Just a Player?

Is a Player Just Playing You?

One of the problems with dating a player is that their actions can resemble that of an independent soulmate. Players will often claim their independence is important to them, and you will just have to love them for who they are. But being a player isn’t about independence. Unfortunately, there are too many players hiding behind the independent persona. Here are a few tips on how you can tell the difference between a player and an independent lover.

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Their Confidence

Independent people are confident, but players are too confident. There is a subtle difference between confidence  and overconfidence. But according to research, most people have the ability to tell the difference if they just listen to their heart.

Their Alone Time

Independent people spend a lot of time alone. Players try to make you think they’re alone. A truly independent person is proud of their independence, and will share the contents of their day in great detail if you ask. Most players are more interested in their privacy, and will coat most of their life with shadow and mystery.

Their Level of Care and Sensitivity

Independent people are caring and sensitive. Players are selfish and self-serving. Most independent people I know are very caring people. They may have a tendency to do things on their own, but they will be there for you when you need them to be. Players, on the other hand, may make a lot of promises, but they are really only interested in their own needs being met.

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Their Feelings About Your Independence

Independent people want their partner to be independent. Players want you to depend on them. Independent people would rather you enjoy the same independence they have, than place you under their thumb. With a player it is all about control, which is why it is in their best interest for you to be dependent on them.

Their Ability to Inspire You

Independent people are inspiring. Players will suck the life out of you.The busy lifestyle of an independent person will inspire you to become more courageous with your dreams. Players are more likely to stamp out your dreams with their critical, moody nature and narcissistic tendencies.

Fighting Fair

Independent people stand up for themselves. Players will just put you down. Independent people are strong at arguing for themselves. However, they will also maintain respect for their opponent. Players don’t exactly fight fair and won’t hesitate to take cheap shots to put you down in order to get the upper hand.

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Independent people know what they want, and that is pretty much the end of it. For a player, one minute you might be in their favor, but the next you won’t. This up and down roller-coaster style ride of a relationship is characteristic of most players.

Their Friendship Circle

Independent people may have only few good friends. Players have lots of “friends.” And independent person’s life is very busy, which means they will have little time to maintain close relationships with a lot of people. Players will always have ex-lovers who have become “friends,” because they don’t want to let most of them go completely.

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Careers and Hobbies

Independent people are passionate about their career and hobbies. Players use them as an excuse. Independent people like to keep busy, and there is no doubt about that. But the difference between them and players is that their passion will show as a glimmer in their eye as they tell you about them. A player’s discussion about their career and hobbies will seem like excuses for why they couldn’t be with you.

Making Time for You

Independent people are busy, but will make time for you. Players aren’t into making plans. One of the greatest strengths of an independent person is their ability to schedule their time to fit a lot of things into their day. Players are different in that they prefer to make impromptu plans, which is not as much a sign of being too busy, as it is a sign not being into you.

Control Issues

Independent people like to be in control, but players demand it. Independent people do seem to gravitate towards the driver’s seat, but they will share if you ask. Players”‘need” to be in control, as that is the only way they can maintain their game with several people at once.

8 thoughts on “Are They Independent or Just a Player?

  1. Thea

    OMG! I think I may be a player 🙁

    I was in a relationship after my husband died a few years ago. I just recently (7 months)left the person. He had issues of his own which would cause me to not regret severing our ties but most of your description, were tendencies that I had in our relationship.

    My marriage to an older man was not a very good one. I was not afraid to move on but my demands and requirement list became very long because of things my husband did.

    Im afraid I either wont be able to find someone to fit the list or Ill mess up a good relationship with my “Player” tendencies.

  2. GEMINI6

    Yes, thank you for your article I think u hit it on the bud. All the men I have dated have all been players. I have given up on dating it is too hard and too disillusioning. I agree with
    Kathy, yes they are narcistic, selfish and Chrissi, players will not commit they will always
    have someone else on the side every time and your the one who is going to suffer.

  3. patty

    OMG, and I believed for 18 years all his bull. My eyes are open and I now can see the player is not independent. No wonder so much secrecy about his day.

  4. Debbie

    Absolutely explains my X to a T. Selfcentered sociopath. No conscious! Controlled me for 18 years then divorced me and moved on to 2 others now. Has a ton of friends, he’s phoney polite to all of them, but really can’t stand anyone but himself!

  5. Chrissi

    I wonder if a player will commit to a marriage obviously for reasons of his own as my hubby is definitely displaying a lot of the player characteristics though we’ve been together over 24 years- it will be our 25th anniversary this year but the minute things get tough (especially financially) he turns very nasty to me – only verbally but still nasty we inherited ma-in-law’s house when she died and there is a lot of work needed to fix it up as nothing much was done to it since his father died in ’74, and to add to this we have all had money problems too he was made redundant a short while before his mum died and he hasn’t been able to get permanent work I’ve not been very successful with my jewellery business, and normally when this kind of downturn happens I take on part time work, but he only wants me to work in a job he approves of with hours that fit with his, which narrows my choices considerably at my age, our son still lives with us and has only recently got work, though it’s not yet full-time so he has not got a load to contribute to the household funds I am at a point where it iseffecting my health too

  6. azra

    I cannot believe how accurate this article is!
    I am connected with a player, he has every single of these charasteristics
    and certainly is not an independent person.
    Difference indeed, sometimes subtle but often obvious…
    I have eyes but can’t see!!!
    Great job Mr Eric J. Leech

  7. Sandie

    OMG, this article just clarified so much for me! Someone who I thought to be a strong, independent man has turned out to be just a player. He has controlled everything for 18 years and kept me under his spell, always believing his reasons and excuses for not committing. Thankyou

  8. Kathy

    WOW…my auto bio in black and white! I had a relationship with a player and you nailed it! They have narcisistic tendencies. Selfish, selfish people!


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