There are many reasons why people cheat. If you think your partner might be having an affair, don’t kid yourself. Nothing good will come of denial. All too often, the so-called ‘signs’ go unnoticed because people choose not to see them. It helps to understand the tricks a cheater will use in order to keep their alternate relationship(s) secret.
You should never distrust your partner unless they give you good reason, but you should also trust your intuition when you sense something is awry. If you are worried someone could be unfaithful, the first question you should ask yourself is “how easily could they get away with it?” In other words, how accessible would an affair be to your partner? The easier it would be to get away with, the more temptation an opportunity would provide.
Here are five situations in which infidelity only becomes too easy:
1. Separate Accounts
Does your partner have any separate accounts? The savvy cheater will often open separate accounts for work (marriage) and play (affair). They know not to use joint credit cards when playing under any circumstance, as they can be used to trace their indiscretions. The cheater may try to use cash, but they still have to get it from somewhere.
Moral: Cheaters take advantage of partners who don’t share in the financial responsibilities (paychecks, bills, etc.) because it’s easier to slip out a few bucks here and there.
2. Business Travel
Is your partner away a good portion of time at their job? Cheaters often establish an easy alibi that allows them the opportunity to get away every few days, or up to several weeks at a time. Such alibis include scheduling trysts during office hours, business trips, late night jogs, or evenings out with the boys/girls.
Moral: Business travel and outside friends don’t automatically add up to cheating, but if you never get invited to join them or if your partner reacts oddly if you suggest going together, this could be a red flag.
3. Blatant Manipulation
Has your partner recently been more attentive to your troubled relationship without explanation (flowers, hugs, compliments)? A cheater will often attempt to keep a partner happy to avoid suspicion, i.e., if the other person thinks that everything is ok, they will be less likely to question any suspicious activity.
Moral: You know your partner better than anyone. If you sense a change of behavior that is uncharacteristic, enjoy the newfound attention, but keep both eyes peeled for any signs of blatant manipulation.
4. Mystery Items
Have you noticed items around the house that seem out of place? Perhaps a different phone, credit card, or set of keys? A cheater will often distance their home life from an affair by creating two separate lives. In order to achieve this, cheaters often incorporate the use of multiple mobile phones, computers, keys, accounts, and addresses (P.O. boxes).
Moral: Mood swings and mysterious items found around the house you’ve never seen before are not to be taken lightly. If you sense something out of sequence with your partner, it just might be because you are living with a Jekyll & Hyde.
5. The Blame Game
Has your partner unjustly accused you of cheating or inappropriately flirting? If they have, they may be pulling a slight of hand, trying to take the focus off them, and onto your (supposed) indiscretions.
Moral: A cheater will do anything to keep from getting caught, which includes focusing your attention elsewhere to keep the limelight off them. In fact, sometimes the more irrationally jealous a person acts, the more likely it is that they are engaging in the very behavior they condemn.
One Last Piece of Advice
Your most effective tool for investigating any suspicious activity is to keep your eyes open and your accusations to a minimum, at least until you have all the facts straight. It’s possible that they are innocent, and if so, you risk losing a perfectly good partner to your own insecurities. On the other hand, if they are guilty and you let the cat out of the bag too soon, they will only cover their tracks with greater veracity, making it more difficult to catch them in the act.