Signs You’re Choosing the Wrong Partner

6 Ways to Choose the Wrong Partner

There are signs that you’ve chosen the wrong partner, and knowing when they’re wrong for you is just as important as choosing to stay in the relationship or leave. Being able to see the bigger picture of your relationship, or “the forest through the trees” as they say, can be a huge challenge. It takes maturity, courage and perceptiveness to really understand why you choose the relationships you do, and to decide to change your selection process to a healthier one. Let’s look at a few tactics for mate-shopping sure to reap regrets rather than rewards.

1. Choosing Physical Attraction Over All Else

Chemistry is one key to a happy relationship, but if that’s the main reason you chose this guy, you’re in for a nasty surprise down the line. Physical attraction alone cannot maintain any healthy, happy relationship, and as the sex becomes not-so-new, the gaps in your compatibility are no longer over-shadowed by chemistry.

2. Banking on Change

Choosing someone based on their potential to change is a dead-end road. If you can’t love them for who they are right now, chances are you will add “built-up resentment” to the list of shortcomings you’ve created on his to-be-changed list. While it’s great if your partner does change for the better in your eyes, never make it a condition of your love and happiness unless you’re willing to sacrifice the relationship.

3. Incompatible Life Goals

If the two of you do not share fundamental life goals and priorities, it will eventually tear the relationship apart. Whether you will be like two opposing forces charging off in different directions until you have little left in common, or if one of you capitulates completely to the other, this road leads to nothing but resentment and the ultimate destruction of the relationship.

“Relationships are hard. To say they aren’t is a lie, but the best things in life are the ones we have to work at constantly, and still enjoy.” – Lacy ext. 5494

4. Co-Dependency High

It can be easy to confuse someone needing you with healthy love because often the person does love you for taking care of them. If there isn’t a balance of need vs. independence between the partners individually as well as a couple, you’ve set yourself up for an unhealthy relationship. While it feels good to be needed, it feels better to have a healthy balance of need and support coming from both partners equally.

5. The Loneliness Filter

If you need your partner around to feel “complete,” or at the very least “not alone,” you are in the relationship for all the wrong (and weak) reasons. Being with the wrong person prevents you from being open to the right one, so suck it up and pass on something that appeases your loneliness at the cost of your future happiness.

6. “Better the Devil You Know”

Picking a partner because they are comfortable to you, no matter how unhappy you may be with them or the relationship, is dooming both of you to many moments of misery. Comfort should never be confused with happiness, and if you have a habit of falling into relationships with the same type of man and have yet to find relationship bliss, searching for a mate outside of your comfort zone just might offer you a shot at something better.

“Relationships magnify the human experience.” – Quinn ext. 5484

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65 thoughts on “Signs You’re Choosing the Wrong Partner

  1. deborah mccracken

    well i think all relationships have ups and downs and iam not so sure if he is cheating i have seen where as he could be I have confronted him over a few things and he either brushed it off as of something else are he would make up something and told me he wasnt cause he affraid I will leave him and I would I told him a lot that I hate liers and cheaters giving him fair warning

    Reply
  2. kamithkamith

    well i can’t say anything listed does or does not apply to me as right now, i’m not in a relationship and not looking right now

    Reply
  3. sherly marcil

    i have no time for pepole saying they want this kind of relasionship and then do something else i thank god for the blessing of meeting true pepole who know what they want and settel for nothing else i allso say god sent me on this quest to help and i will but not for pepole who think negative only if they want to do better they we must change our way of being smile lafe dance love family i meant laught alought the sun will come out and the clouds will slip slide away be true to you cause you never know who is watching or lisening be happy no mater what you only have one life yours

    Reply
  4. Gwen coleman

    Good information but what if, that man is a (woman) that treats you with disrespect and dishonesty, now you find that you are in love and cant take it back, your heart say stay and your mind say run, i never dated a woman in the past and maybe this is why

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  5. Ivory O Jimenez

    i am so glad that i make it clear that im not playing a game. at that most guys leave. but my current boyfriend takes it as a commitment. 🙂

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  6. Erica

    Thank goodness I already (and have since I began dating) knew that I needed to find someone with similar life goals, that I felt something for (other than pity), and that I needed to care for them in the here & now, not the what could or could not come in the future. The one I got lost on was codependency & loneliness….due to the codependent personality I had I chose mates that fit in with that, which ultimately led me to stay with guys like that to avoid being alone. The BEST time in my single life was when I decided NO MEN for TWO YEARS and worked on me, me, me. I came out of that knowing exactly what I wanted/needed in a partner. Thankfully those 2 years off, also gave the father of my children the same opportunity to do some “soul searching”….we ran into each other without the kids being around – one thing led to another and here we are 11 1/2 years later…..4 more kids and happier than either of us ever expected!

    Reply
  7. Claudette.

    JAI RENCONTRER CETTE HOME FROM FRANCE,ILL ETAIS ASSEZ UN BELLE HOME .ET MA DIT QUILLE MAIMAIS JUSTE MOI.MES MALEREUSEMENT ILL MENVOIE PLUS DE MESSAGE,ET JE NE SES PS LA RAISON.SES WRAIMENT DUR,QUAND QUE TU SES PAS QUOIE QUI SE PASE.

    Reply
  8. rebecca

    im trying online dating and guess what…almost 100% of the guys hitting on me are just like my exs…i want a different kind of guy but because i like the same kinds of things these men do (namely cars and fishing) i keep attracting them. Its driving me nuts….plus now Im nearly 40 Im getting 50 year old men hitting on me…I want someone who doesnt remind me of my dad please!!

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  9. Patty

    I enjoyed reading the article. I have been in love before and have made my share of mistakes trusting my mate and giving 100 percent. I am older now and have been in a relatonship for 10 years, I began this relationship as I did in the others. He is a good provider and gives me whatever I want and need. However, we have never made any future plans and I dont see us doing that nor do I really want to at this point. I am at the place now that I refuse to give 100 to anybody else. I enjoy his company sometimes, and have not met anyone with his skills. I believe that I just want the financial benefits that comes with being with him. Yes, its all about me at this point in my life….

    GOOD MEN ARE HARD TO FIND!

    Single & Lovin It!

    Reply
  10. erika johnson

    THE ARTICLE WAS VERY REVEALING.WITHIN IN THE LAST 10 YEARS I’VE BEEN MAKING ALL THE WRONG CHOICES WHEN IT COMES TO MY RELATIONSHIPS.IN THE BEGINNING THEY’VE BEEN GREAT BUT WHEN THEY SEE HOW LOVING I CAN BE.I FEEL THAT SCARES THEM AWAY.MY MOM ALWAYS TOLD ME IT’S GOING TO BE HARD FOR ME TO FIND THE ONE.I HAVE TOO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE.VERY FEW MEN UNDERSTAND THAT TYPE OF LOVE.I HAVE MADE MOST OF THE CHOICES IN THE ARTICLE. AT FIRST IT’S NOT SEXUAL.BUT THEN IT TURNS IN TO IT.NO MATTER HOW LONG I WAIT TO ENGAGE IN THE ACT.IT JUST NEVER TURNS OUT IN MY FAVOR.I JUST RECENTLY GOT OUT OF A DISTRUCTION RELATIONSHIP.I ALLOWED HIM TO BE HIS SELF,I DIDN’T TRY TO SMOTHER HIM,BUT IT STILL ENDED UP A DISASTER FOR ME.I DIDN’T LISTEN TO MY INNER VOICE.I ULTIMATELY,GAVE TO HIM EVERY MAN’S DREAM.BECAUSE I WAS OLDER AND SHE WAS YOUNGER,HE CHOOSE THE “EYE CANDY AND FUN TIMES”OVER THE REAL WOMAN.THE ONE WHO HE KNOWS WILL ULTIMATELY RETURN HIS LOVE. I JUST RECENTLY FOUND OUT THAT I’M PREGNANT.AND I WAS REALLY CRUEL TO HIM.BUT HE WANTED ME TO GIVE HIM MY BABY SO THAT THEY COULD RAISE HIM/HER.I WAS NOT NICE AT ALL.HE WAS 26 AND I AM 43.AND RIGHT NOW I HAVE GIVEN UP ON FINDING LOVE.

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  11. June

    I read the article and found a lot of good points. As it is now, I am in a relationship that I am trying to figure out what to do. I am the only one that has the power to change thngs in my life. I do love him and care very much about him, BUT, he has changed a lot since we have been with one another. I tell him all the time I miss the man I met and asked me to marry him a few years back. He just says yes me too. We are in different phases and I realize this every day. So the article brought up a lot of good points to me that I already knew but was good to see in writing. Still unsure what to do but I do know that I deserve a loving, give and take , caring person in my life!! I just have to find it.. Thanks again for the article…

    Reply
  12. illking

    Very Well said on this…most of us don’t see how sometimes people do change because of someone or just us…Chemstry is very true & if u don’t have that much in common or nowdays than seriously is needing a look through situations.or else for the better of it…find new people who can brings thoes qualities and envy’s you in doing new exciting things in life to be in success….
    For me it has been almost ten yrs and have a boy whoes turning 5 and your life seems to be really getting sucked in so many ways because of no time for yourself at all or alone with your mates or a even a night out…
    Since the longest i haven’t been out of the house i turned shit because of no people conection,the loliness,the co_indepence.
    Not a chance will be given to work or inter react with people the more crazy i’m gonna be…i wish i find someone who would love me just for who iam….and within deep in me…..
    I know they had a night stand with womens across the world when they have a trip..i just ask lord please realse me….i need a real round the world life… in 80 days…i wish so ppl don’t loose hope or faith because god is always by your side.

    Reply
  13. teenitch

    i agree with you rachele coz i’m in same predicament… at this very moment i’m still mourning my loss but coz of our kids i have to think a million times for best thing to do…

    great article….truth hurts but better to know sooner…

    Reply
  14. Shawn Catherine Fisher

    Until recently I always said I was looking for no one and nothing. Well guess what I got? That’s right — no one and nothing. Of course, I was in relationships, even loving ones. But because of my trust issues those partners only could reach a certain level with me. Now I’m excited to receive what will come my way with a fully open heart! Your pointers are just common steps along the way. 🙂

    Reply
  15. Arshad Iqbal

    I hope and believe that all people, who they are unhappy and unsatisfied with their lives will listen soon good news, don’t leave hope.

    Reply
  16. Dave

    Great read.
    A few reality checks or crashes; depending on your point of view.
    For the longest time I kept pairing up with the same profile for a partner.
    Lucky I also got some professional help after my crashes too see that the majority of my problems started with me. Big key factor is remembering that we are all human-beings with limitations to being perfect. I’m in a more realistic relationship now, and that makes life easier.

    Reply
  17. billy

    i really love this guy, with all of my heart, he did me wrong, when i was good to him! i miss him, so bad. i will always love him know matter what….

    Reply
  18. chester

    well i have seen all of what you have said about relationships for woman but im a man and very confused dont know who to trust any more

    Reply
  19. rachelle

    thanks great article. this is so timely with what I’m going through right now, with all your hopes, love and trust been shattered into pieces because of loving the wrong guy who is so unfaithful, betrayal and lies, now the other girl is pregnant and he’s switching the situation as if it’s my fault. he is so cruel. but i will get through with this nightmare at least now i can find the gateways for new beginnings. i forgive myself for choosing the wrong man..but I’m so hurt to forgive the this man. that’s the hardest part forgive and forget.

    Reply
  20. ISRAEL

    Am 37 years old man,never marry befor,am praying so hard for God to provide a good life partner to me,am very much interested to have a life partner.

    Reply
  21. Patricia

    Relationships? I ponder upon, and look back at my relationships with men……. Have been told about the book Woman are from Venus and men are from mars. Yes, have not read the book, but as people have red it, there seems to be a true statement made. Like so many, have fallen in love far too easily and like so many of us, it has not worked out. At the age of 52, I have been in a relationship for 3 years with a guy that I have met from the internet, we have been living together for two years. He changed considerably when he moved in with me, I would say that he almost has a personality problem, not the guy that I once dated. I have been through hell and back with him. I am wondering, that through life, as we grow older, it is far much harder to really have a total loving, caring, trusting, open relationship. We have been there both male and female, we hhave learnt to go by our gut feelings. Perhaps at out age, we know too much

    Reply
  22. mila

    I am a 52 yrs old. I know my husband for 35 yrs, (I think I do) But I am wrong. he filed a divorce paper via his attorney he fled to Vietnam.big surprise. Anyway I hope I will meet a nice man who will like me they way I am 🙂

    Reply
  23. mila

    I know my husband for 35 yrs. ( I think I do.) but i am wrong. he file a divorce via his attorney.after he fled to Vietnam.he is an american. Anyway I hope I will meet a nice man , that will like they way i am and i am 52 yrs old 🙂

    Reply
  24. Marc from the UK

    Great timing! this article has helped me reflect and think about my situation, I am on reasonable terms with my ex and more so with her family, I do sometimes regret my lonliness I feel at times, and on rare occasions I did wonder what if we were courting again, I know she is lonely as well, and I feel for her, as we parted two years ago we lost some great friends ( couples) who if your no longer a couple seem to dissapear as quick! There loss im sure, but reading this has given me comfort to keep my resolve and keep single and resist the urge to click back in to the comfort zone! just for the sake of comfort that is only temporary as the old thoughts and feelings will come back I am sure! Seems the universe was listening to my thoughts!

    Reply
  25. rydan

    i’ve been in love with the same man for 10 years, and even though he doesn’t feel the same for me, i stay by his side and continue to support him on his road as i go down mine. amazingly enough though we support, protect, defend and care for each other. we occassionally mess around with each other as well, both single and seeing no one (besides the occasional each other). and i wonder if i can absolutely be happy continueing on like this and the answer is most definately. 🙂

    Reply
  26. elian

    I fall in love and then see nothing but the stars…it takes four years for reality to set in…and then another star-crossed love and the cycles continue…oh, but what joy while it lasts…

    Reply
  27. Donna

    My husband and i are divorced, and have to live under the same roof, due to a reverse mortgage. He lives downstairs and i up.

    He has been so verbally abusave to me for over 10 years, i can close to ending my life. I raise yorkshire terriers for my retirement.

    I know no man will come into my life with so many dogs to take care of, and i am trying hard to get down to just a few.

    Will i find true love at the age of 68, or am I stuck with the misserible situation i seem to be in . I do love all my dogs, but truly can not afford to breed them any more, and know i need to place as many as possible to have anykind of life, or hope of falling in love with a man who will appreciate who i am.

    Reply
  28. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    This was another good article…definitely food for thought for those already in an unhappy relationship….or those just getting into a new relationship.

    Good questions to stop and ask yourself.

    Reply
  29. glenn

    6 Ways DECODED that Alina Mikos attempts Mislead you in Relationships.
    It takes common sense and desire to have a happy relationship.
    Note Alina use of the code phrase “Healthy Relationship” that Alina never explains.

    1. Choosing Physical Attraction Over All Else. MISLEADING

    Chemistry is one key to a happy relationship.
    Chemistry is the study of composition and properties of a person.
    In effect how he reacts to other people, his anger levels and compassion.
    If you both feel and regard issues in the same way; you have similar chemistry.
    This has nothing to do with Physical Attraction that is throws in as unrelated filler.

    “but if that’s the main reason you chose this guy” Red Flag Code Word “GUY”
    If you are looking for a guy, instead of a man, you are looking for temporary or trouble.

    If two people having low standards of personal appearance meet, greet and breed…
    Well, something good MIGHT come from that after viewing where it came from.
    But every unattractive potrait there should be one thing of beauty. Look for it.
    Time with an unattractive person seems much longer.
    The attractive person may be lacking in some areas.
    But you don’t see it every minute of the day.

    2. Banking On Change. TRUE WITH CAUTION

    Choosing someone based on your ability to change that person is road to regret.
    Too many women do this from boyfriend to marriage.
    You can’t love him for who he is, you want to love him for who you want him to be.
    Any “built-up resentment” here will be directed at you for constantly “snagging” him.
    Much greater than any resentment you can have toward him.

    3. Incompatible Life Goals MISLEADING REPEAT see reason #1

    If the two of you do not share fundamental life goals and priorities.
    Then the two of you do not have similar chemistry.

    4. Co-Dependency High WILL BE REPEATED IN #5.

    It can be easy to confuse someone needing you with……..?
    With what someone pretending to need you to use you.
    RED FLAG Code Phrase “healthy love” is not explained by Alina.
    Alina does go into psycho-babble of tossing around unhealthy and healthy.
    That reads in plain speak as: You can depend on me until it’s not convenient.

    5. The Loneliness Filter FALSE

    Lonely and Alone are two different words.
    You can be lonely in a room full of people at your own birthday party.
    You can be alone in a quiet place and be perfectly at peace.
    Alina avoids the picture of being with what is deemed “the right” person.
    And still having these feelings.
    The term that is badly handled here is co-dependent, often said as being too needy.
    Alina description only insults a person with this condition.

    6. “Better the Devil You Know” FINALLY GETS ONE RIGHT.

    Picking a partner because they are comfortable to you, no matter how unhappy you may be with them or the relationship, is dooming both of you to many moments of misery. Comfort should never be confused with happiness, and if you have a habit of falling into relationships with the same type of man and have yet to find relationship bliss, searching for a mate outside of your comfort zone just might offer you a shot at something better.

    This describes five out of every seven marriages in the United States.

    Reply
  30. Michele

    Excellent, excellent piece. For some of us — especially after a divorce — it takes awhile to learn these lessons. Here’s another one: After a breakup, are you more upset losing the relationship than him?

    Reply
  31. James deLacy Lawton

    For the first thing i don’t know who decided to read my fortune but from the get go you started off wrong, it kept saying my mate meaning a male is totaly wrong i am not gay at all and really think who ever decided to write me and tell me how i should pick my partner’s more carefully meaning a man was so far off base until it almost made me mad, i was married for 24 years to a wonderful lady she died in 06 since then i have dated only a few times and let me assure you they were woman not men so the next time you have someone read someone elses fortune in romance you had better get it right, i wouldn’t give who ever wrote me a dime for what they said and further more please don’t bother to ever do me that favor again instead of making my day it really put a damper on it, you shouldn’t mess with peoples lives especially when you don’t know what your talking about, good day to you.
    Very disgrunteled,
    J.D. Lawton

    Reply

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