6 Ways to Choose the Wrong Partner
There are signs that you’ve chosen the wrong partner, and knowing when they’re wrong for you is just as important as choosing to stay in the relationship or leave. Being able to see the bigger picture of your relationship, or “the forest through the trees” as they say, can be a huge challenge. It takes maturity, courage and perceptiveness to really understand why you choose the relationships you do, and to decide to change your selection process to a healthier one. Let’s look at a few tactics for mate-shopping sure to reap regrets rather than rewards.
1. Choosing Physical Attraction Over All Else
Chemistry is one key to a happy relationship, but if that’s the main reason you chose this guy, you’re in for a nasty surprise down the line. Physical attraction alone cannot maintain any healthy, happy relationship, and as the sex becomes not-so-new, the gaps in your compatibility are no longer over-shadowed by chemistry.
2. Banking on Change
Choosing someone based on their potential to change is a dead-end road. If you can’t love them for who they are right now, chances are you will add “built-up resentment” to the list of shortcomings you’ve created on his to-be-changed list. While it’s great if your partner does change for the better in your eyes, never make it a condition of your love and happiness unless you’re willing to sacrifice the relationship.
3. Incompatible Life Goals
If the two of you do not share fundamental life goals and priorities, it will eventually tear the relationship apart. Whether you will be like two opposing forces charging off in different directions until you have little left in common, or if one of you capitulates completely to the other, this road leads to nothing but resentment and the ultimate destruction of the relationship.
“Relationships are hard. To say they aren’t is a lie, but the best things in life are the ones we have to work at constantly, and still enjoy.” – Lacy ext. 5494
4. Co-Dependency High
It can be easy to confuse someone needing you with healthy love because often the person does love you for taking care of them. If there isn’t a balance of need vs. independence between the partners individually as well as a couple, you’ve set yourself up for an unhealthy relationship. While it feels good to be needed, it feels better to have a healthy balance of need and support coming from both partners equally.
5. The Loneliness Filter
If you need your partner around to feel “complete,” or at the very least “not alone,” you are in the relationship for all the wrong (and weak) reasons. Being with the wrong person prevents you from being open to the right one, so suck it up and pass on something that appeases your loneliness at the cost of your future happiness.
6. “Better the Devil You Know”
Picking a partner because they are comfortable to you, no matter how unhappy you may be with them or the relationship, is dooming both of you to many moments of misery. Comfort should never be confused with happiness, and if you have a habit of falling into relationships with the same type of man and have yet to find relationship bliss, searching for a mate outside of your comfort zone just might offer you a shot at something better.
“Relationships magnify the human experience.” – Quinn ext. 5484
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