How to Make Yourself Marriage Material
Advice columns often give women one set of rules, and men another. Women are told that they must make the object of their attraction chase them. That they should show interest in his accomplishments, but never “pressure him” for information regarding future plans. Women must remain engaged, but always let him take the lead. That they should be interested in what he has to say, but not share too much about themselves.
Men are given a different set of rules; they are told to make sure that they appear confident, to make light, to poke fun. They’re told not to be vulnerable, not to be nice, not to be polite. Men are told that nice guys only get “friend status.” The problem with this set up is just that—it’s a set up!
When either of you plays by “The Rules,” you’re undercutting the promise of a long-term relationship built on trust, love, and personal understanding. You’re creating a false relationship between two people who don’t even exist. I say, let’s toss the rulebooks and get real. You want to take your relationship to the next level? Stop being coy. Someone has to break the stalemate, and it may as well be you.
• Don’t be the person you think your lover wants you to be – JUST BE YOU! After all, if you’re going to be with this person for the rest of your life, you’re going to get tired of pretending that her strange fascination with Monster Truck shows is shared. You’ll rue the day that you first pretended you liked his favorite movie.
• Be the person you want to be, in the relationship you want to be in. Don’t candy-coat yourself, but don’t wear ill-fitting armor either. And take your lover for who she or he is, flaws and genius alike.
• Talk about your own future aspirations. And make it clear that there’s room for your lover in those future plans.
Seduce a Proposal
• Have really great sex. Lots of it. Talk about how you could do this for a very, very long time. (Like, the rest of your life.)
• No matter how many months or years you and your lover have been together, make it a point to set aside sexy time. Groom yourself like it’s the first time.
• Learn some new tricks, and surprise your lover with a generous serving of steamy, sexy surprises.
• Pillow-talk your way into your future. No one is going to say no when they’ve just had a mind-blowing orgasm.
Bring it Home
The stuff that freaks most people out is actually the indirect attempts at insinuating a desired outcome. Yeah, just like that sentence, it’s complicated. But it can be so simple! Don’t beat around the bush.
• Don’t talk about your girlfriend’s-girlfriend’s upcoming wedding; straight up buy HIM a ring.
• Give her a gift that says “I’m yours.” Works pretty well.
• Above all, don’t be the holdout. Someone’s got to move it forward. It may as well be you.
Lasara Firefox Allen is an author, educator, activist, and coach. Lasara’s first book, the bestselling Sexy Witch (Llewellyn Worldwide), was published in 2005 under the name LaSara FireFox.