Are You Ready?
Being gay is certainly not without obvious challenges, but with more states and countries acknowledging equality in marriage, many interpersonal dynamics are also coming under greater scrutiny. Before you say “I do,” let’s examine some of the myriad of legal, personal and sexual hurdles faced in the lesbian and gay communities.
According to a Penn State study, only 12% of couples who live together before marriage actually stay married 10 or more years. When you add to that statistic that more than 50% of ALL marriages end in divorce, those are rather sobering realities. However, since only a handful of states acknowledge gay or lesbian marriages, where does that leave those who have no choice but to live together until the time when they can be legally acknowledged as a couple?
Very few statistics have been researched for this predicament, but here are some pointers that, when followed, can greatly raise your odds of a successful marriage, regardless of what your state acknowledges (they make a lot of sense for heterosexual couples, too!):
1. Be selective and take your time. Take your time and really examine how this person fits into your life. If you love to travel, don’t tie yourself down with someone who has a child or who hates adventures. If you are firmly connected to your family, don’t focus on someone who doesn’t like your mother. As simple as this sounds, most of us have overlooked this step at one time in our journey. If you aren’t much of a drinker, don’t go to bars in hopes of meeting someone.
2. Incorporate this person into your life slowly. Don’t let your first date be taking him/her to the family reunion or on a seven day trip across the Appalachian trail… Save those intense interactions for later!
Once you have found “The One,” the rules are even easier:
1. Never shout at one another unless the house is on fire!
2. Do not bring up past arguments. If it is a persistent issue, find a time when no one is upset and calmly discuss why the behavior concerns you.
3. Do not forget the importance of humor. Laughter can often offset even the most difficult of subjects.
4. Be honest about your sexual needs and desires. Psychic energy is great in intimate relationships, but don’t expect someone to read your mind at those impassioned moments.
5. Be kind to your partner/spouse with no expectations. Do kind things just because you love, not because you want something in return.
6. If you have lived together for awhile before you marry, do not allow the society mores to dictate behavior. If you have always been the one who washed the dishes and took out the trash, don’t suddenly expect your mate to conform to an expectations that might, for whatever reason, place them in such a role. Maintain the love and joy that brought you two together in the first place.
After all, it is your life, not the rest of the world’s. There is no such things as a “one size fits all” relationship code. As a gay or lesbian person, you have endured more challenges than most just to be yourself. Don’t try to turn your marriage into a heterosexual model from television. Remember, those models don’t work for heterosexuals very often, either.
7. Last, but not least, be sure to consult your trusted psychic advisor to help avoid the real pitfalls that can quickly doom a relationship!
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