The Fight to Be Right is a No-Win Situation
If you sometimes find yourself in a fight to be right, you may be what some would call a “right-fighter.” So what exactly is a right-fighter? Basically, the term is used to describe someone who will argue a point to the bitter end, even when they’re not sure that their argument is completely valid. They simply fight to be right.
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Why We Need to be Right
We get defensive when we’re challenged and that’s when a fight becomes a fight to be right. To back down, admit we might be wrong or to give in would be basically equal to admitting that our position held no value or worse, that we held no value ourselves. If we give in, we’re not being validated. When we fight to be right:
• We may not be entirely sure we’re correct, but as the argument progresses we become defiant and sometimes even convince ourselves that we are indeed right
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• We become so ensconced in our opinion that we refuse to even allow the notion that someone could convince us otherwise
• We dig our heels in and fight to the very end even at the expense of ruining a close relationship
The Ability to Maintain a Fight
A right-fighter’s whole existence rests on their ability to maintain the fight—to prove they’re right and everyone else is wrong. While it may be hard to live with someone like this, it’s probably even harder to be the one always fighting to be right. It’s got to be exhausting.
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He Said, She Said
Imagine a couple who fights and bickers constantly—they fight to be right. Each one is convinced they’re right and they’re both willing to defend that position. What they’re doing is slowly chipping away at their bond. If you asked them individually, each would say they don’t like fighting, and everything would be fine if their other half would just give in. It’s a no-win situation because each of them is a right-fighter.
Give in, You Say?
Right-fighting happens in all walks of life—in wars, in politics, across religions and as many of us know,in our personal relationships. When one side becomes pitted against the other, so convinced they’re side is the right side and so bent on proving the other side wrong, a lot can go wrong:
• We can lose site of the original argument
• We abandon the real cause behind our actions
• We risk entering into a damaging and never-ending battle
Diffuse the Situation
To give in is not to give up—it doesn’t have to imply defeat or admitting that you’re wrong. Besides, our brains won’t let us do that when we’re in right-fighter mode. Instead, make the choice to respect the relationship and diffuse the situation by:
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• Admitting that the other side may have valid, note-worthy opinions
• Suggesting that maybe the subject warrants further consideration
• Remembering that the relationship is more important than winning a battle
When we fight to be right, no one wins.