Ask These Love Questions to Decide if You Should Stay in a Relationship
Is your relationship a good one? Let’s take the love and relationship test by answering two simple questions.
1. Does this relationship enhance my life?
2. Does this relationship make me feel safe?
Let’s elaborate. Finding the answer to question one can be tricky, especially if you’re expecting certain enhancements and aren’t enhanced in the way you expected. Webster’s Dictionary definition of enhance is “to increase or improve in value, desirability or attractiveness.” Take a step back, take an honest look… (don’t worry about what other people are saying, just look). Can you see some of these examples in your life?
1. He/She makes me feel beautiful when they look at me and I really struggle with feeling pretty.
2. He/She holds down the fort while I follow my dreams/interests.
3. He/She is amazing with my/our kids.
4. He/She is great with our finances, while that is definitely not my favorite.
5. He/She supports me financially without making me feel guilty about it.
Take an honest step back and look deeply into your relationship, while these are limited examples of relational enhancements, I’m sure you can think of ways that you would like your relationship to enhance you.
As for question two, does it make you safe? I want to address a very important issue. I hope that it goes without saying but… if you feel like you’re in physical danger from your lover/mate, seek help, do not pass go, do not collect $200, seek help now! Someone who puts you in physical danger doesn’t deserve your loyalty, and you can’t change them. That warning aside, feeling safe can be as simple as not feeling the need to check a cell phone record or e-mail account. Here are some other examples…
1. If you’re spending hours of your valuable time (that you will never get back, by the way) tracking he/she down, you do not feel safe.
2. I can say anything to him/her and even though they may disagree they never judge and at least try to understand.
3. When I am wrong they don’t make fun of me.
4. From family to friends, we are a team, we are in this together and he/she has my back no matter what.
5. When I put my head on his/her shoulder I know that for at least the next 5 minutes everything is going to be safe.
Feeling safe is something we should be able to feel every day, no exceptions. Do you feel safe? Once again, ask this honestly and look at the facts, plain and simple. Let me say that again, plain and simple. NO EXCUSES.
Now, while this message is written with the idea that you should be looking at your lover/mate to answer these essential questions, remember mister/madam, you are in this too. When you are finished taking a look at your partner and how they answer the questions, turn the big spotlight back on yourself. There is a big secret here. If you find that your partner does not answer enhance you or make you feel safe…could it be that maybe you are not enhancing them or making them feel safe? Hmmm…I think it deserves some looking into don’t you? As my Dad, who has been married for 48 years and still pinches my Mom’s bum in the kitchen every time he needs to get to the fridge, says, “kiddo, relationships are 100%/100%, they aren’t 50/50, you both have to give all of yourselves or it’s never going to work.” You’re in this together, act like it.
Before you take the reins and decide your partner isn’t making the grade, first try enhancing their lives and making them feel safe. If they begin to thrive under your new found love and attention, you may see an amazing energy shift! They may begin to give to you what you are giving to them! Problem solved, my friend. Live happily ever after. But alas, if your partner is still sorely lacking in their enhancing/safety skills it may just be time to seek a partner/mate that has you answering these questions with a resounding YES!
No matter where you are in a relationship—the first week or the first fifteen years—answering these questions about your partner/mate and even yourself can help to enhance your life and help you feel safe.