Should You Consider Divorce?
No one enters marriage with the intention of divorcing later. Though many couples are aware of the statistic that about half of marriages end in divorce, everyone thinks they are the ones who will fall within the half that stay together until death. Because of such high expectations, it is shocking when you realize that maybe you’re going to be part of the statistic after all. Your first reaction might be denial, but eventually you won’t be able to ignore the signs that your marriage is over and that you and your spouse will be better off if you call it quits.
Here are some of the common reasons why couples choose divorce:
If your spouse is addicted to a substance or behavior and either refuses to enter a recovery program or has failed at several attempts, then you must take action to end your marriage, even if you still love him or her. On the flipside, if you or your spouse were addicts at the time you began your relationship and are now sober, there is still a possibility that divorce is the best direction to move in if you aren’t getting along well. A relationship founded in sickness cannot survive health. Recovery often leads to self-discovery and self-growth. If the boundaries of your marriage cannot expand to encompass that growth, then you must end your marriage in order to move forward with your life.
If you and/or your spouse harbor so much anger, whether rooted in your relationship or based on previous life experiences, that you feel resentment, jealousy, and disrespect for your spouse and your marriage, then staying together will probably breed nothing but negativity. If you’ve tried therapy and can’t move beyond your anger, then move on. A marriage should be a nurturing relationship, not a destructive one.
Although not all couples divorce after the discovery of infidelity, if you simply can’t get over it, despite counseling, then it is probably best to divorce. Marriage requires a foundation of trust and commitment, and if infidelity has eroded those qualities in your relationship, the foundation on which you built your marriage has crumbled.
Boredom or Lack of Passion
“I believe that many relationships stagnate from the routines of their habits,” says Psychic Kim ext. 5512, “and these couples don’t know how to create change and revitalize their love.”
In the same way that baseball pitchers throw a change-up just when the batter thinks he knows what to expect, a good marriage has to change things up every once in a while. If you and your spouse don’t want to exert the energy that breaking habits requires, then it’s possible you no longer value your marriage.
Sometimes when couples marry outside of their socioeconomic class, differences arise that are difficult to overcome because they are rooted in cultural backgrounds. According to family relations authority Richard H. Klemer, the upper and lower classes both spend impulsively, whereas members of the middle class are taught to save and plan purchases. So a middle-class person can become frustrated with a spouse who spends impulsively. The upper and lower classes are also not as attentive to paying bills on time as middle-class people are.
Attitudes about money are tough to change. If you’ve tried earnestly to work out a compromise and hit a dead end, you might need to divorce to protect your financial reputation, as well as your sanity.
You’ve Grown Apart
Sometimes when couples marry at a young age, they realize later that they don’t have enough in common to continue building their relationship as they develop separate interests and priorities. This situation also happens to older couples sometimes after their children have grown and moved out. With no children to focus their attention on, it becomes apparent that they grew apart over the years.
“The person you married is most likely not the same person who now stands before you. Chances are good that you have changed as well,” says Psychic Red ext. 9226. “Looking back may bring joy or pain, but what really matters is now. You still have a whole life ahead of you, one that is different than you had originally planned.”
Remember, being able to honestly evaluate a situation and then adjust your plan accordingly is healthy. To guide you through your transition, call one of our psychics for guidance.
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6 thoughts on “To Divorce or Not to Divorce?”
Chrissi,it is only ONE life you have….you can make it happy, because it is ONLY ONE…you know what you WANT to do, look deeper into your soul, there is the answer…marriage should not be a survival camp, not in 21 century!
If your hubby is the source of your unhappiness…you know what you need to do, get your freedom back, the rest would come…and please, seek a counselling to errase the feeling of quilt. And for your son-strong mom is a happy mom,,,not a victim with plenty of life burden.
I Married someone just in Novemeber of last year (2011) and I feel that the relationship was just built on lies and dishonesty!! We do not live together and he continues to tell lies for whatever reason possible…1st his age was a concern because I found out that he is a year older than my 1st child, 2nd he refuses to tell me the truth on anything, and when I find out he says, ‘D some of the story is right but not all’, which is it?? I do believe that this was a Marriage of Convenience and to betray me in whatever way possible…DIVORCE COURT HERE I COME!!!
If a person has an addiction, whether it be drugs, alcohol, gambling, porn or/and sex…..whatever, and they REFUSE to seek professional help and therapy…..then it’s game over ! period. Ge out while you can, or resign yourself to a rollercoaster life of difficulties if you do decide to stick around.
Anger issues ???? If they don’t not seek anger management counseling from a qualified professional whether it’s clergy, such as a minister or priest…. or clinical thru a therapist…..get out. Or resign yourself to putting up with those explosive and abusive outbursts.
The rest of the issues can be dealt with a good marriage counselor and minister, priest, etc ….IF they will go and work on those issues with you.
It takes TWO people to make a relationship work !
You serve and help nobody, neither them or yourself, by being a martyr. And in the case of addictions can possibly even make matters worse by enabling their behavior to continue.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500
Great article! Addiction is so hard to tolerate in a marriage as the addicted partner usually blames the other for their issues.
And of course- hubby needs me- and now her health has gone so does his ma- and I have to be responsible as I have my son to think of as well
after 22 years I look at my hubby and wonder what I ever saw in him- I know he has had to change- after all he survived cancer, and our marriage survived infidelity on his part, when my son was a baby – he fathered a child with his then lover too- I wanted another child, but we could never have afforded it, he has such different attitudes to me, and standards- but then I let mine slip to keep the peace, as we live with his mother, and she didn’t like the fact that when I cooked I cleaned the kitchen before I did so and washed clothes which were not visibly dirty,which caused many arguments in our early married days- with her- so much so that we decided it was best if I didn’t cook or use our washing machine for the sake of peace- I took on a live in unpaid care-taking job when my son was 3 months old thinking we could escape but it was a big mistake as I was required to be on the premises 24/7, which meant even less time both for hubby and baby son- which led to the affair- and me returning to ma-in-law’s place,with my tail between my legs- she decided to recognise her ‘other grandchild’ as I was selfish and wasn’t going to give her any more- (she’s very fundamental Irish Catholic) he was at the birth of his daughter, and visited regularly until I gave him the option of leaving as I said I wouldn’t hold him back if he was happier with her- he returned but quieter and less affectionate than he had been when we first met. he doesn’t really like me working as most jobs I could get would eat into what he calls family time- evenings and weekends, and the afternoons now since he had cancer, when he returns from work. Last year I heard that my first love had died- we split mostly because his family had a wife brought over that his brother had married by proxy in India, and I never wanted to be ‘the other woman’ in anyone’s relationship- we’d been together virtually since I had been 16 and a half and he 19, though we did break up- usually because I had done something immature- like going off with another guy if he would take me somewhere that my guy wouldn’t and people started spreading rumours that I did things that I hadn’t but every time I needed him, somehow he was always there- when I got run over till I could walk without crutches he called every day the guy I’d been going out with dropped me the minute he heard- (we thengot together again for a while till he married) he even turned up on my doorstep after he married- somehow he found out the guy I let move in was beating up on me- wanted me to get the police on him- but I had no phone and that one had threatened friends and family as well. When I was deeply depressed about the state of my marriage he asked a friend to bring me to his- I was afraid to go as I thought I’d end up wanting him rather than hubby if I saw him- and I know now I was right- as soon as I heard he’d died it was like I had been torn apart- I never felt such pain even when my mum died- and now- I don’t know what to think any more- I feel so alone- some things I did now make sense though, every guy since I had been looking to find him again- as if that could have been possible – no wonder things never worked out and some thought I was immature- first hubby even went back to his mums- I do hope someday we will be together though even though it was not to be in this life..