Cougar Town

So when I was in my twenties I mostly dated men in their twenties. Well now I’m in my thirties and not much has changed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an ageist, I have dated men my age and older but I seem to attract and enjoy the company of a younger man. I joke that I’m keeping with the times and following a trend but really it’s not by choice that I’ve recently fallen for a certain younger guy.

This gentleman has an old soul and a young spirit, just like me, so really it’s going very well. Of course at times, we both are aware of the age gap but it’s not like one of us grew up with dinosaurs!

The thing that always gets me is that when a man is older than a woman by ten years or so, no one makes a big stink. It’s all fine and daddy…I mean dandy…but when a woman finds herself with a younger man, it’s about cougars and tigers and bears oh my! But seriously, I see the traditional thought that would cause people to shake their head in dismay but times are different. Women and men are different. I mean we don’t live in caves anymore so why should our hearts or brains?

There’s the “boy toy” school of thought, the “sugar momma” doctrines but then there’s Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins as well as Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, not to mention Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. True love can exist it seems between an older woman and a younger man just as it has between older men and younger women for centuries. It does for me. I would even bet that this cougar phenomenon is not so new and maybe it’s just a little more acceptable now. In fact, I know of a few marriages where the woman just plain lied about her age! I don’t want to lie and I don’t want to feel like I’m fighting some revolution or going with a trend. I just want to love the person I want to love without judgment simply based in age. I’m curious how many people really take issue with these kind of non traditional relationships. Has anyone out there made this kind of relationship work? Have you had to deal with friends or family giving you a hard time? For the record….I prefer being called a puma to a cougar.

17 thoughts on “Cougar Town

  1. flower56

    I am 53 and I find myself in the same situation of no matter where I turn there are only younger men who are attracted to me and I them and they want to talk and spend time with me. They are very respectful and yet we joke around alot and there is a definite connection between us. My spouse passed away 8 months ago and so all eyes are on me at work to see what I am doing, so I get the Cougar thing. I struggle to see if I can find older men but none come my way. Have been intimate a few times with the 27 year old and he has told me that he is here for me at this time of my life, but that he is here for that only and we can not have a lifelong relationship and I assume it is due to my age, he didn’t say. He is a cold fish at times, but then so wonderful to me most of the time. We have a great deal in common and he is an old soul and I am a young soul so we find ground in the middle. I find myself constantly thinking about him. I have only been with 1 other man, my spouse. Perhaps this is why. All I really need is 1 nite a week to be with him to keep me going in life, but we have hit a snag and since at times we don’t communicate verbally very well (both shy), he doesn’t know this. I want to tell him. He chased me and now it seems I have to be the one to chase him. He told me that I needed to tell him when I want to get together, but the last 2 times he has told me he was busy, yet he comes around me all the time during my workday and we get along great. Don’t really know what is up, anyone have any suggestions? I care for him deeply and told him so, but said I knew we both had to find people our own age to go on in life, and he cried and looked at me so deeply and then we both walked away. We are still having fun and talking, but I wonder if I should try to see him intimately again? I truly believe people come to us when we need them and that age doesn’t matter, even though, my being older does bother me and I think it bothers him. I look to be in late 30’s and he looks to be 40. Desperate for comments.

  2. Larry

    If it work then what wrong with it,
    It works for you and its your life ,
    And your beoned 18 then no one has the right to say any thing unless they know that this person could only bring you hurt and damage to your life.
    We all want to be happy with the one we want to be with butlets not let love blined us ,
    You still have to keep a open mined and i think after a bout 3 to 6 mouths you can figer out a lot a bout the person you want to be with and if this person is for you but i stress , Keep a open mined and write down the things you like a bout this person in your life and what you do not .
    There is no need to wast your life if this will not move forword and there is no balance in the relationship or vary little then you have fould a future that will only bring you hurt ,
    Move on,
    It good to keep notes each week and what you are spendind on this relation ship and if this is a balanced and it is not just money you spend but your time and that part of your life you are giving up for them .
    Been there and done this,

  3. richiam

    I am 50 and only seem to attract men 30,and they pursue me. I have become sexually involved, he doesn’t quite know how old I am, he thinks around 40. I can’t bear to say my age. I did tell him that I don’t worry how long a relationship will last and that is a worry for those who want to have children together, otherwize I stay in as long as we get along and have feelings for each other.

    I really don’t seem to attract older men, and it seems they don’t try very hard, as where the younger men do. Just have confidence and be patient, why let love go.

  4. RU Roomate

    Wow…nothing wrong with dating older especially if u r having fun doing it. Just make sure he is good to you or else!!!

  5. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Terese,
    Very well said….and you are so right on.
    I’ve died and crossed over twice….there are no accidents in life….the Universe is on it’s own timeline….we are down here to learn and grow.
    You really do ” get it “.
    Blessed Be )O( Gina Rose ext.9500

  6. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    I definitely noticed a trend in respect to “older woman with younger man.” Out here, in Los Angeles, it is so common. I think women are just getting more independent, and it shows not only in their vibe, but in everything else.
    Regardless, age should never matter. I am not a cougar. I have always acted older than my years. My partner is 14 years older than myself. He is very youthful, and I have an older soul vibration. So that makes it more like a seven year age difference. At least in spirit. lol
    I agree with the karma part. It does not pay attention to age, race, gender or culture. etc.
    All I can say is never say never. All of you know how much I love our country, very patriotic, parents are vets etc. I never thought I would be with a foreigner and a person who speaks english as their third language. Little did I realize, that my love for other countries etc. extended into even the romantic side…..
    Never say never! It’s all good. Whatever floats your boat! Miss Krystal

  7. Kelly

    There is nothing wrong with dating someone with a big age gap. I am dating a man 21 years older then me, and everyone thinks that I am crazy, but I know that the chemistry between us is something I have never felt before and I am not about to ignore that just because of our age difference. The same absolutely applies to the women being older then the man.

  8. Ann

    I was in the business world for many years and married for over 30. I kept myself refreshed by exercise and had a facelift in my early fifties. I never dreamed of being single again but lost my husband to a brain tumor 5 yrs ago. A friend turned lover relationship with a man 20 yrs younger just ended in his death to pancreatic cancer. He wanted to get married but I didn’t know how I would tell him of the age difference. He never asked my age and I never told. I swore I would never do that again as I loved the man very much and even tho I don’t think it would have bothered him, it bothered me. Well, here I am in the same situation with a man who was a friend of the one I lost and I know he has no idea how old I am. I have not had sex with him and so far have kept the relationship at bay. He is a nice guy and I do have feelings for him but I just cannot tell him the truth about my age. I feel like I’m caught between both worlds of young and old and not fit well into either. Any ideas?

  9. Sea Turtle

    Hi Gina Rose!
    Well…the funny thing is that there is a 34 year old gorgeous contractor working at my neighbor’s…and he has been hitting on me…
    All I can do is giggle when I think of it…
    Being the Mom of two daughters (the oldest is 29)…I don’t think I could “go there”…it is, however flattering…
    Have a good day!
    Hugs and smiles,

  10. TereseTerese

    I’m in the reverse situation — I’m a 28 year old woman with a 44 year old man. All through my twenties I dated men who were my same age, give or take a year. I actually used to think that age gap relationships were unhealthy!
    Then I found myself falling in love with a significantly older man, and now I understand. Nothing happens by accident and we’re with the person were supposed to be with at the time were supposed to be with them. If this man and I had been born at the same time, it would not have worked. The person he was at 28 would not have been right for me, but the person he is at 44 is just right. He had important life lessons he was supposed to learn before me, not with me.
    Any kind of relationship were we have to set aside what we think we should want (and what others think we should want) for what our hearts truly want can be very spiritually rewarding. I know I’ve learned a lot.

  11. Faith - 9608

    A wonderful explanation is in Animal-Speak by Ted Andrews. Birds bring messages. To me a sacred messenger totem is a symbol or animal, in your case Hawk medicine, who has come to teach you. Sometimes your totem animal will come to you in a dream or in the Native American Indian culture Shamanism, will come in a vision quest. In your case, Hawk came to you LIVE! and in person! One of the most common forms spirit guides may take is in the form of an animal; bird in your case. That’s what shapeshifting is; a message sent to you by your spirit guide in the form of a Hawk. Very significant and powerful at this time in your life. Even though Red Tail Hawk is my totem, I think I just might have to faint if Hawk showed up in my kitchen!
    Many Blessings to you Believer!
    Faith – 9608

  12. Psychic Maryanne Ext. 9146

    Without trying to at all, I have always dated men who are seven years younger than I am (except for high school and college:).
    Perhaps this is what the Universe had in store for me. The age difference has never mattered a bit in the relationships, although I do think we females tend to think about the age difference more than males do when we are in a relationship with a younger man-that’s a whole other soapbox about the devaluation of females as they age in our culture. Perhaps that is changing, hmmmm.
    Ext. 9146

  13. Faith - 9608

    I loved your story so much about Hawk – couldn’t get my message to post but wanted you to know Hawk is a sacred messenger totem for you now and will help you manifest your gifts in the world.
    Many Blessings Believer, Faith – 9608

  14. Psychic Jacqueline x9472

    Jacqueline x9472 said…. Love it!
    Have to admit I’m a bit older than my spouse, It works for me! I do see this as being a huge, huge trend as one that is just getting started, so many ways, old ways are switching men are now taking the role of the stay at home dads moms are being the sole providers, everything is starting to change, woman are starting to become more in the for front the aggressors and of course I love you men and this is not anything against any of you!!!! 🙂
    Blessings and Hugs!
    Jacqueline x9472

  15. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    It’s high time the tables are turning…..there is NOTHING wrong with older women dating, or entering into a relationship, with a younger man.
    Besides….Karma, or Karmic coonections, do not know race, religion, or AGE!
    I prefer being called a tiger to a cougar.
    Blessed Be )O(…Gina Rose ext.9500

  16. Believer

    Great Article! I have also dated men younger & older than myself and base who I date soley by the connection. Who can make judgement on the connection between 2 people…well I know alot of people do, but I sure don’t….
    All the power to you!


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