Friends With Benefits

Every relationship stands on its own and shouldn’t be generalized. However, when we allow “friends with benefits” to be an acceptable form of reciprocation, someone may close to hitting a brick wall.

Samantha is a client who kept letting a guy come back to her after he was done with an array of other women. “I keep thinking that one day he’ll just wake up and realize that I am the one for him.” After doing a spread to see where this relationship was headed (which was basically, no place) it was time to see what kept her in this scenario. First off, Justin, her “beneficial friend” came out as the Knight of Cups inverted and she as the High Priestess inverted. Loosely translated, this combination is a man who isn’t ready for a serious relationship and a very healing woman allowing herself to be objectified.

In most relationships there is usually someone who feels more deeply at one point and time. Before embarking on this form of journey be honest with yourself on why you are taking it. We can do whatever we want to do as long as we remember what it is we are doing.

Remember, figuring out where we are in life, who we are in a relationship, how someone sees us, and why we are allow ourselves to be treated a certain way — are key steps to fixing a path we don’t want to be on.

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22 thoughts on “Friends With Benefits

  1. Pingback: 6 Ways to Ask Him Out | California Psychics Blog

  2. melytina

    Very helpful information and comments, it reaches the depths of clerity for many of us. In response to Miss Krystal, once you have clerified with that person and they have agreed you are Lovers and not friends with benefits, does the status of that relationship become catagorized as a boyfriend or girlfriend type of relationship with an understanding on both parts that it is not exclusive?


  3. Sparkle

    I entered into a friends with benefits relationship, knowing fully well that I desired a deeper, connected committed experience. I thought I was a cool chick and could handle it. Well, it backfired like hell. “Hey, let’s just try it and wait and see what happens”. He know he didn’t want a relationship, so the “let’s see what happens” wasn’t a true vision. He ended up caring about me for a year, but his lack of readiness to step into true intimacy caused him to flee, return, flee, return, etc. because he really did yearn for a committed connection – he was just scared. So I say to those of you who want a close committed relationship – don’t venture into a superficial, cool chick benefits deal unless you are prepared for how you will reaact when you become fond of your friend and want more, and he’s still waiting for the next friend to come along.

  4. happy

    Iwent through a relationship with benefits for six months! and that man is now my husband!!! we are very happy. No LONGER LONELY IN THE DESERT

  5. hamlin27

    One-night stands (personally they’re not for me) but it is a lot more difficult to have regular sex with the same man if you are not in a committed relationship. It is too easy to blur the lines, good sex on a regulaar basis requires trust and a willingness to share emotions if you are doing these things then trying to seperate them subsequently is very difficult and can lead to emotional blocking which later can lead to problems forming lasting relationships. So even if you think you can freely give away such experiences later on it takes much more effort to overcome the urge to ‘turn off’ the bonding process…..

  6. Thinkerbelle

    Friends with benefits are just that… especially if you look at sex as fun, as healthy… like GUYS do. You’ve already decided the guy is your friend and that you’re good at sex together, so why not. You don’t do romantic emails, it’s sexy and fun… like getting together for a movie. It’s way better than one night stands. Ive done this with several ex lovers… and they were exes for a reason, but the sex was always fun!!!

  7. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi LimeLight,
    THAT IS something to be proud of.
    However, I read for many corporate, globe trotters who only have the time for a friend offering fringe benefits and they are very happy with that arrangement…..( for the time being, that is).
    Different strokes for different folks…
    Happy 30th Birthday to you this month!!!!
    But I’m with you….for me,personally speaking, a relationship would have to be Karmic,mental,emotional, and physical.

  8. Laura Pringle

    Women who really are ok with this type of arrangement are few and far between. It’s true that when you are intimate with someone more than a few times, a bond establishes… and the natural reaction is the desire to have that sense of connectededness regularly. It’s good for getting thru those transition times… but a long term thing like this just isn’t realistic. It defies the natural order of things.

  9. Robert Pescatore

    Sex is more than sleeping together, it’s a coming together of a man and a woman that really love each other and get married and then sex will be done properly as the Word of God says.

  10. julie101

    I have to agree with Miss Krystal.. You never know where a relationship is going or could go–you first have to ‘get to know someone’.. so ‘friends with benefits’ could very well turn into something more… I started having a little fling with a friend i had met through another friend of mine.. At first it was just ‘friends with benefits’.. we enjoyed hanging out at first-just platonic and then it became more but always with the understanding we would just be friends— with benefits.. ha ha.. well wouldn’t you know after about 6 months we are now MORE than just friends with benefits. I was patient and it turns out that we do have more than a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship… He has admitted his true feelings to me and I too had to admit to him i felt more than just friends as well. I am so glad I didn’t end it and held on–you never know… Our friendship grew into something great– I was patient.. we both just had to admit there was more to it–it took a little time but a lot of good things in life do.

  11. LimeLight

    I have never been able to share my body or heart with a person that will not commit. I guess that’s why I’ve only been with two people (PROUD OF IT TOO!) LOL. It does not bother me because I looooooove me. I am told my body is as precious as his last name. How fast is he willing to give up his last name?
    I will be thirty this month.

  12. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    I have had success helping many people getting the respect they need, crave and want. It starts with your mind. We have to be sharp about this.
    I don’t believe in giving up, if, in fact, I can see a shift in energy coming later. And the client’s heart is depending on it. If I see hope, I will tell you. Sometimes we give up too soon, because we did not like what we “heard.” A lot of times, not always, but it is how you respond and express yourself.
    I have had people change their responses. For example, yes, in deed, have had clients hear the, “I only want friends with benefits.” I am not going to discourage my client, when their heart depends on it, and I can see where there could be improvement….Yes, I have seen it change. I have clients, debate this issue, using all of the things I have been saying on here, in their defense, and not only have they had the person admit, “Yes we are lovers you are right, I am sorry I insulted you saying friends with benefits, can we try one more time?”
    You have more power than you think. This doesn’t work with everyone, but it has worked to not only getting the respect you need, but later, even a possible cohabitation or engagement leading to marriage. Yes I have seen it and there are others on here who have, too.
    I had one situation with a client change from friends to benefits, then to lovers but, not exclusive, from just seeing each other on weekends, and now living together with a ring on the finger and date set!
    Express yourself. Tell it like it is. We live in a modern society where too many people are now sleeping together, and yes, without being mutually exclusive. Seeing where the relationship goes. We can’t turn back the clock, we live in modern times. So we have to adjust to the times, but it doesn’t mean to let your self worth and value go. Not all women need a, “Mutually exclusive” agreement ASAP. Some play ball. And some do win.
    I am not against traditional values. But not all folks are living that way. It’s all how you respond and what you will allow. This one requires us to think outside of the box. It’s all how you respond and handle it.

  13. Abigail Ext 9570

    You are a mind reader…LOL I started a blog on this and for some reason set it aside. You did a wonderful job as usual! I’ve been reading for years so many heart broken women and believe it or not sometimes a man gets it too. There is absolutely no such thing as friends with benefits….its a mask. We are all energy and when we connect on an intimate level you start bonding whether you want to or not. This is hard for woman because we are wired different. Just rememeber if you enter into a out in the open contract of “Friends with Benefits” you are giving the man(woman) permission to have sexual relations with others. As long as you can handle this and are ok with it then by all means have fun. But if you think and I said “think” he/she will have a change of heart you are really taking a huge gamble with very low odds. I never say never but you know the saying know when to hold em,know when to fold em, know when to run.
    Many Blessings

  14. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Even if a person really truly believes, “Friends with benefits.” It’s not real. It’s pretending.
    How can a relationship ever really grow if the person can’t admit the truth? Getting exclusive is an entirely different issue. First things first. And besides, there are always those people who don’t know “where” the relationship is really going. But at least if both parties can admit they are at least, “lovers,” then there is potential because at least there is a realistic level of respect.
    Whether the relationship ends up exclusive or not, you will still feel better about yourself if you can both at least agree that you are lovers, and not “just friends.”
    Thank you Maryanne, Chloe, Jacqueline, and once again, Nunu. You are all awesome!
    Miss Krystal

  15. Psychic Maryanne Ext. 9146

    Another really great article.
    I agree with both Miss Krystal and Chloe.
    Once again, the difference in thinking between men and women can enter into this topic. I have never read for a female client or had a personal female friend who would be interested in a “friends with benefits” relationship. We do get our feelings involved when a relationship becomes intimate. Men have the capability of thinking differently, as these blogs have mentioned so many times. Many of my male clients can have a “friends with benefits” relationship either without emotional involvement or with limited emotional involvement.
    Please read Chloe’s answer to this blog that reminds us we must take at face value what another person tells us they are ready for or want. They do mean it. I also agree with her statement that if someone makes a “friends with benefits” offer to you, it is definitely not a reflection of who you are, so please do not feel badly about yourself or allow the “no one will ever want me for a relationship” thought to enter your mind and linger.
    Nunu is so right about being honest with ourselves about who we are and where we are in a relationship, any boundaries the other person has placed on “where the relationship can go”, and what we truly want in a relationship. You deserve what you want in a relationship and you can obtain it.
    Ext. 9146

  16. Psychic Jacqueline x9472

    Jacqueline x9472 said….
    Thanks Nunu I love your articles they are very helpful, I don’t use cards but love to learn and enjoy the meanings they are fascinating.
    Miss Krystal you are so right, I agree with you on this perspective once you become intimate yes indeed you are lovers, feelings and emotions do get involved, as much as you try to keep them set aside through intimacy they just creep in emotions become very intense and real, the question then becomes are you ready for more, ready to admit that they are there and take it to the next level, clearly the attraction is there or the intimacy would not exist.
    This can be so tricky because it’s through this space where people can and do get hurt, once the intimacy has taken place at that point it is where the reality sets in that they very well could be on the road of falling in love and it in this space where many choose to take a few steps backwards and regroup…..
    Blessings and Big Hugs!
    Jacqueline x9472

  17. Chloe ext. 9421

    Nunu & Miss. Krystal,
    I couldn’t agree with you two more. It’s so important to believe the things people tell you. If they tell you they don’t want a commitment, you really do need to believe them. We can only accept or choose to reject what people offer us but it’s so important to realize it’s not a reflection of your worthiness if someone can’t offer you what you want. It’s simply where that person is at. Believing what they tell you is the key to empowering yourself, and it sometimes means making difficult choices. Perhaps you need to Pass on Mr.I-Don’t-Know and wait for Mr.-I-Adore-You. Happy Readings Everyone!

  18. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Hi Nunu-
    This is brilliant. Thank you. I wrote a little something about this on your other blog.
    As I stated before, I think “Friends with Benefits” is a myth.
    How would you feel if you had a platonic friend, a buddy…For example, if you are a woman and you have a female pal. Both of you do things together, call each other, write emails to each other and are enjoying each others company. Until one day, one of the girls says to someone else, “She’s just a person I know, I call her when there is nobody else around.” Ok, so how are you going to feel if you know that your pal said this about you? Now, multiply it by a dozen when it is “romantic” (romantic being sexual) and the other person says, “She is just a friend.”
    Friends do not sleep together and have sex. Friendship is platonic. When people have sex, they immediately become, “Lovers.”
    Even if you don’t think you would ever want more, you are not being real. Saying something like, “We are lovers but I can’t be exclusive right now,” is more realistic. At least you would be acknowledging the truth.
    If someone says this to you, please do not pretend you are okay with it, if, in fact, down deep, it doesn’t sit right with you. You would be surprised how many people will eventually agree with you, if you just state the facts about this and wait patiently. Believe me, if they really want to sleep with you, you can get them to eventually admit, that yes, “You would be lovers.” Give it a little time. Haste makes waste.
    Miss Krystal


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