Communication and Intimacy

A very dear regular of mine, asked me the other day, “Why do people in relationships and dating always ask, what are you thinking?” And, it dawned on me, she was right!

It appears that a lot of the times, when someone you are involved with, asks frequently, “what are you thinking,” usually it is because they have some secret thoughts of their own. Actually, they are asking you this because they are wondering if you are doing the same thing. Regardless, there is also a fear to be the first one to put the “card” on the table, so, they would like you do to it first.

I bet if you asked yourself this honestly, you would think of many instances when dating/in relationships when this was asked to you, and vice versa. Although it is always scary to put thoughts and feelings out in the open, but yet, your date or partner is picking up on “something,” it is really important to be honest.

However, if you are not honest, it will only build a wall or, at least a bigger wall between you. There are risks we all take in relationships, but communication is key. Therefore, if your date/or partner “pegs” you and you really are thinking about them or the relationship, tell them in the most constructive way possible.

Sometimes we have to take a risk in order to get closer, and if you say, “nothing really is on my mind, I am not thinking anything,” well, you just missed a chance to create more intimacy and grow closer. It’s funny that sometimes in relationships, we don’t realize that our relationship is actually evolving during a clash of wills or discussing the truths that are hard to handle. Actually, it may take a few weeks in order to see that. But do not think the worst. Sometimes, in our darkest moments of fear, in relationships, just when we think it is over, something changes and the relationship is still continuing. Further, sometimes when feelings are discussed, it may take a little while to fully absorb what happened.

Be honest in your relationship. Do tell your partner or date what you are thinking when asked. If you don’t, there is a chance that your partner could come to the conclusion that you two are not connecting. I am sure there are many readers out there that deal with these types of situations a lot in their readings. And thank you to my dear client who brought this to my attention – for you know who are you. And I appreciate it! You are a smart cookie!

Miss Krystal

101 thoughts on “Communication and Intimacy

  1. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    It was an eye opening thing for the team, don’t worry. Besides, wonder boy was out….Keep that in mind…
    I am pleasantly surprised about the teddy bears…Hope it lasts lol
    Even with QB out for longer, still there is hope…And they are young, so I am feeling better.
    Road games are always hard.
    Miss Krystal

  2. Sea Turtle

    Hi Cubes,
    Well, he really is a “Slow Poke”!! LOL! Wonder if Fran has heard from “Warty”…and what is the other name fro Brown Eyes “missing” guy!??
    I haven’t heard form “oldee” either..but “Nudee’ emailed me this morning…
    The emails are brief..but nice to know he is at least thinking of me and interested in getting to know more…
    Hope you are well.

  3. Sea Turtle

    HI Miss Krystal,
    What you say makes a lot of sense to me…I seem to be kind of sensitive to the senses…the sound of a voice, the “scent” of a person, etc.
    When I was first single I went out with a gorgeous guy…very nice, successful, etc…BUT, I didn’t like “the way he smelled” so I never went out with him again…I mean he was clean and all…just didn’t “smell right” to me…
    I’m doing good about staying away from sweets…tomorrow will mark one week.
    Am having trouble accessing this blog lately, so I hope you get this…
    And, you’re right about another thing…the attention “Nudee” is paying to me has been good for my self esteem…”Oldee” wasn’t exactly makign me feel like I was “wanted” or “desirable”…
    Hope you enjoyed your chocolate chip cookies!
    Happy Day!

  4. Cubes

    Hi Miss Krystal!
    Ok so now it’s Monday and you are absolutely correct, they will bounce back. I guess it’s always that first loss that hurts the most. Just like that first scratch on your brand new car. LOL!
    I hope your brother is able to pick up the phone now, sad! Hehe
    Yeah BB is getting better I just don’t watch the games.
    How was your weekend? Mine was ok, but I haven’t heard from Slowpoke, hehe.
    Cubes 😀

  5. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Hi Cubes,
    I was not thrilled about it, either-But Sarkissian knew a lot about USC, remember he was with the Trojans for a while, before….
    Hang in there, Pete will work on the team, he is the best, you are in good hands….
    You will be okay. Hey, bruins went to three straight final fours in BB, and last year, I had to settle….But it was split loyalties for me, because I was happy that the Trojans won the PAC 10 tourney at the Staples center, because it was time! Don’t forget how good in BB Trojans are getting! Should be even better this year! There is still hope to win some good hard games in football, don’t give up. I am sure you still have some Football Joy coming this year.
    Don’t feel bad, my brother isn’t picking up the phone still lol
    poor guy-
    Miss Krystal

  6. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Hi ST,
    I feel liking a person’s voice is a huge factor in “chemistry.” Being clairaudient, “voices” do tell me a lot. A lot of my clients that work with me in love relationship matters, know that I can “get” the tone of someone’s voice, without even ever hearing it -I am able to “channel” voice sounds.
    But in regards to a strong “connection” on a romantic level, the voice is usually very appealing. Actually, a lot of people who call me to talk about people “online” as far as dating sites etc., I can get a lot just by looking at how a person reacts on the phone, before they even meet in person. In other words, if a person’s voice is not pleasing to you, before you meet them, in person, the chances of you really being “into” them? Slim, no doubt…. Think about it. On the other hand, if you meet someone in person, by chance, and you like their voice, there should seem to be some sort of spark at least….
    I am glad you are having some fun exploring options. It is always wonderful for our confidence, especially if we are not mutually exclusive with someone. You can also practice your flirting, which is something women should never stop doing, and I mean in an innocent way….
    Yes, it’s chocolate chip cookie night lol
    Woke up to a heat wave but this is typical of southern cal weather. Our fall really doesn’t get started until sometime in October. Summer is still going in September.
    Have a lovely weekend.
    Miss Krystal

  7. Sea Turtle

    MIss Krystal,
    I KNOW! I keep laughing over the new names for “our guys” too! we all do seem to have a good sense of humor…I LOVE to laugh and laugh a LOT! (usually laughing at myself)
    Glad your Grandma has had such a long and blessed life…she sounds like a sweetheart!
    Yes, I’m having fun with “Nudee”..he is 1000 miles away..but it’s nice to know that I’m being thought of and that he finds me attractive. Kind of fun getting little emails from him now and then throughout the day…he has the nicest voice…kind of slow and soothing…sexy I would say.
    Not sure if anything more than a friendship will come of it..if he lived here I think it would for sure.
    Oh, well…as with eveything…WE WILL HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE! LOL!
    I’ve been off sugar maybe three days for sure and have lost 4 lbs…amazing how quickly my body responds when I stay away from the sugar.
    I love chocolate chip cookies myself…you go ahead and enjoy…I can’t for awhile as I indulged myself enough during my trip up north and with all of my company for the past 6 weeks!
    Am waiting for the “quadruple points” deal to buy more time..this economy and my business being slow has taught be to be much more careful with my money…you see something good usually comes out of most things!
    Have a nice night!

  8. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Hi ST-
    I know I miss typepad, realized how it was luxury to respond by email. It’s okay though, still workable…
    “Nudee” lol why does this make me laugh so much? You do have a great sense of humor. Libra grandma, who is still alive(counting the days here now for her 100th), says, “You will live a long life like me if you keep laughing like that, never stop lose your humor.”
    “Nudee” LOL I have busted up all week over this one!
    As far as the food, after the butter croissant and cheese basket, I have been doing fine for the last five days. Having some fruit while I write this. But tomorrow, it’s time for some cookies!
    Chocolate chip! Can’t help it, a relative is coming over later on with her famous recipe. Can’t miss that one!
    I am always here for you! All you have to do is call, I am always very focused and ready for your concerns. It is always my pleasure.
    Enjoy the new season. Starts when the 23rd? Now we get to think about all of that halloween candy lol here we go…trick or treat lol
    Blessings and hugs,
    Miss Krystal

  9. Sea Turtle

    Hi Maryanne,
    Nice to “meet you”! 😉 And, thanks for the words of encouragement!
    Not sure how long you’ve been following on here…but I have been waiting for an ex love “Oldee” and he has not called..
    And, now was introduced to this new man “Nudee” (both of their names start with “D”, so Fran came up with the new names)
    We just met around two weeks ago for coffe and talked for around 2 1/2 hours-seem to share a lot of the same views on God and/or spirtuality…the flow between us was “just easy & natural”.
    I am enjoying getting little emails from him and we spoke a few nights ago on the telehone for another two hours-again great conversation.
    So, we’ll see…if he invites me to visit-I just might go!
    And, I’m sure you’re right-things do seem to fall into place if they are meant to.
    Hope all is well with you and I hope that you have a fabulous day!

  10. Psychic Maryanne Ext. 9146

    Please don’t let the distance worry you–one of my long-term clients and her husband lived over 7000 miles apart when they met, and they met at a resort area that was not near either of their residences, states, or even countries.
    Sometimes things just fall into place as they should.
    Best wishes on that new meeting.
    x 9146

  11. Sea Turtle

    Hi Miss Krystal,
    Sorry…I didn’t see your email until tonight…more difficult to keep track of each other with type pad not working.
    Yes, your article was a big help. Very thought provoking…
    As Gina Rose said to me..she wasn’t worried at all about “Oldee” not calling me…BUT was worried about HOW I would respond…I seem to be so afraid to expose myself and to let him know how I feel…
    Granted, I do have valid reasons…but, sometimes as you said, we need to take the risk.
    Still afraid and just thinking of talking to him makes my chest tight…
    Hope you are second day away from sugar…I am a SUGAR ADDICT for sure!

  12. Sea Turtle

    HI Gina Rose!
    I just saw your email tonight! tHANK YOU FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT…
    And, yes, I am seeing ways in which I need to improve…I think my aloofness may confuse him.
    BUT, don’t forget he has been a “player” and a “scoundrel”…was not hones twiht me before…
    Seems as if you still think he will call…?
    That dream that I had of he and I was filled with such absolute JOY and the look on his face was one of pride..he was just beaming…
    I do wonder…?
    Hope to talk to you soon.
    A big hug to you!

  13. Cubes

    Hello there!
    SC plays at Washington so I’m not sure what the weather will be like there. I’m excited to watch him again after the great come from behind win. I hope he stays humble and modest.
    Cubes 😀

  14. Cubes

    Hello there!
    I’m so excited too! Just need to plan my Holloween outings to the amusement parks!
    Yeah, it seems like it’s going to be hot again. We have a 12:30 start so that’s good.

  15. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Hi Cubes,
    I am so excited about Fall coming.
    it will be nice to have some cool fresh air! I think we have a hot weekend coming up here in the southland. I think your game is early this saturday? Hopefully the ocean breeze will hit the stadium!
    Hang in there, before you know it, it will be Halloween! My favorite weather!
    Miss Krystal

  16. Cubes

    Hi Miss Krystal!
    Have you been to Norte Dame? I’ve been there twice and those are the best fans. They are so classy and nice. During the game they give due props. And the campus is so beautiful. I really loved being there especially the weather they actually have the “Fall” season cause you know us like you said we only have a cool ocean breeze for Fall.
    Cubes 😀

  17. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    I remember that game up in Berkley you mention– but SC beat them last year…. 🙂
    We basically root for both teams, we don’t get really upset about bruin vs trojan games….We support both teams.
    We get more frisky when the teams play CAL! CAL has really become a true rival of both UCLA and USC….So those games are a blast!
    Miss Krystal

  18. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    CAL games are the best! I have been to many of them. I went two years ago and the bruins beat them at the last second…
    I was going to go this year, but I am not sure now, due to the QB situation now. Cheers,
    Miss Krystal

  19. Cubes

    That must get wild in your house when the Bruins play the Trojans!
    Yes I have been to a Cal game, back in 03 we went there and that was the only loss that season! The worst crowd not very classy over there. During that weekend we also went to a Dodger Giant game, the fans are mean! We were wearing our Dodger gear and they just said things to us the whole a game.
    Well at the Cal game too and we lost by a field goal! Ugh! Very disappointing!
    Oh that’s too bad about your QB, but their 2 and 0 to start. Hope you beat the Wildcats next!
    Soooooo exciting!!!!
    Cubes 😀

  20. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    I think your QB turns 19 tomorrow, according to ESPN. So he was still 18 for that amazing game..I always say, never celebrate winning, when you play the trojans, until the clock runs out!!!
    That is what Trojan football is about, and known for…
    I am kinda bittersweet about the bruin trojan rivarly as we became a bruin-trojan family…So my big rival is really the golden bears…
    Bruins QB will be out now for a month..Hopefully in time for the golden bear game…Have you been to a Cal game? But hey, there is hope for the bruin team now at least…Just may take another month lol was this a mirage??
    Trojans do better under pressure, I always said that…
    Miss Krystal

  21. Cubes

    Hi five right back!!!!
    Wow it was an amazing game! A great game! You’re brother’s correct he is “Wonder Boy”, lol! The thing is he’s only 19 and plays like he’s played forever at this collegial level. Although, Pete Carroll says that’s just a number but it still amazes us all.
    Beat the Huskies!
    Cubes 😀

  22. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Hi Joseph-
    Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to explain some points about saturn. Eight years? Wow….
    I will try to see if anything comes to me per your request. I know I appreciate your articles, they are always very informative. Thank you so much.
    Miss Krystal

  23. Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Sea Turtle,
    I see you have been doing alot of reflecting since our last reading… are now aware of what we discussed.
    Great work !!!!!! Stay aware .
    This is not over yet though….
    Blessed Be )O(…Gina Rose ext.9500

  24. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Hi Cubes-
    Wow double nail bitter! Bruins had a miracle!! So did USC!
    Give me five! lol my new neighbors must think I am something…First the Bruins. Then, later, the Trojan game– My brother was feeling just like you. At the end, he was stunned, calling your new QB, “Wonder Boy” lol He is only 18 that is amazing…
    The noise at OSU was overwhelming!
    Well we made it on the road! Pour it on!
    Great game day…
    Miss Krystal

  25. Cubes

    Hi Miss Krystal!
    Yes I’m writing while the game is on, it’s too stressful to watch as they are down in the 3rd quarter!
    I wanted to ask…
    What do you think about telling a friend that you have feelings for or what you think about them when they don’t ask you what you’re thinking? Is there a right time? Do you just prepare yourself for the their reaction and if it will move forward or end?
    Feeling very anxious right now about you know who.
    Cubes 😀

  26. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Hi Abigail-It is wonderful to hear from you! Thanks! I hope you are doing well.
    And I agree, we have to listen, too.
    But I feel we need to also be compassionate about feelings- Great point about listening! Hugs,
    Miss Krystal

  27. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Hi ST-
    Thanks for enjoying and reading this post. I am glad it got you to evaluate some things.
    we have family ties there. Used to be a huge fan of the show Dallas? I won a contest at 12 years old on an LA radio station because I was one of a few people who predicted who shot JR, and I won a few things like albums, concert tickets, T shirts. Little did I know I was seeing my own future, later on, as an adult(radio and predictions). But it all started with Texas, seriously! I have met some really nice people from Texas. But when they move here to Cali, they usually go back home, eventually, to Texas.
    I was at one of the airline counters a while ago, and the ticket agent said the most popular flights were LAX To DFW, LAX to JFK and LAX to O’Haire…But no direct flight from LAX to Louisville, which is a bummer because I go to that area, and it is a very long day to fly to that part of the country…At least I can get to Texas fast! It’s faster for me to get to NYC than to get to Louisville. Go figure. It’s so good to hear from you. I am looking forward to fall weather coming, for us cali people all that means is a cool breeze lol-we don’t get the different colors of leaves, oh well, I will take the cool breeze 🙂
    Thanks so much,
    Miss Krystal

  28. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Hello Joseph, yes, I agree, tell them in the most constructive way….There are polite ways to still tell the truth.
    That is funny about the tie-
    Thanks for the compliment. It is so good to hear from you!
    Please write something about saturn going into Libra….Or at least consider it…That would be a wonderful post. In fact, it would be awesome to have both you and Phillip write your own “takes” on this big transition. Have a good one and thanks!
    Miss Krystal

  29. SeaTurtle

    Hi Miss Krystal,
    Excellent article and written so clearly. You have such a simple yet profound way of putting your thoughts into words…I always enjoy reading your blogs Miss Krystal!
    I can relate to what you have written and am actually at a point of understanding something about myself.
    It seems that “fear of rejection” has something to do with this. It seems “easier” and “safer” not to expose our vulnerablilities..and yet as you state…we must take risks in order for realtionships to have a chance to evolve.
    I am discovering that I tend to push people away (especially men)…subconsciously I reject them before they have a chance to reject me.
    For instance, with “you know who”…I would hope that he would call,and then when he would…I wouldn’t answer and then the cycle would begin again in hoping that he would call.
    I really don’t think “he” has any idea as to how much I “thought” I cared about him.
    I need to work on that… 🙁
    It’s almost impossible for me to open up and be tranparent and vulnerable to a man…
    Your article has given me something to think about.
    What is the worst thing that could happen…? Either a relationship moves forward or not…but at this point…mine has not.
    I did meet a man this past week that I am interested in. We connected on most levels…but he lives in Texas! And, quite honestly, that appeals to me…the distance I mean…
    I hope to talk with you soon.
    I have missed you and Gina Rose and all of the gang…this blog has had a few glitches…
    Happy Weekend!
    And thank you for your support of us New Yorkers… may God continue to bless America and you too!

  30. Abigail Ext 9570

    Lovely Post Miss Krystal!
    Relationships won’t survive without communication….one of the biggest things those in affairs will say “she listens to me” or “he listens to me”..”my partner does not.” Its work yet it is critical if you want your relationship to survive. How wonderfully put!
    Many Blessings

  31. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Thanks, Cherilyn-
    I totally agree. I always try to tell people, trust is something that happens in time, not instant! It must be earned!
    But hiding feelings can = your partner/date/friend thinking you two are not connecting. This is kind of firey, but sometimes, for myself, I will start with, “Well, since you asked, ….” lol
    It’s kind of a good way to start….I found it works well for me. I am glad my post was “timely” for you and it served you at the right time. Honestly, my client got me thinking about this one.
    We are all in this together.
    I have really enjoyed reading other thoughts that you have shared on the blogs. Thanks so much! Peace~
    Miss Krystal

  32. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Hi Cubes- I am glad you liked this post. It will give you something to consider now when this is asked or directed your way-But this is one thing I learned that is very important! Relationships have risks involved when we want them to evolve! I am glad it got you to think! Good! It’s great to hear from you…I will be thinking of you during the game… 🙂
    Miss Krystal

  33. Cherilyn ext 5108

    In order to be vulnerable, to stay connected, one must feel that a level of trust has been achieved. Trust is built up over time with word and deed. In fact, without trust there will be no communication, and no intimacy. A partner with power and control issues will often dismiss out of hand the thoughts and ideas of the other, just because they rebel against “being influenced”. You have to trust that you will be heard, and that what you say will not be disparaged. I agree with Phillip. It does take courage to put yourself out there.
    Miss Krystal, this is a very timely and thought-provoking post. Thank you for this, and
    Brightest Blessings!

  34. Cubes

    Hi Miss Krystal!
    Great article! I often times find myself saying “oh I’m not thinking about anything”. I say this in fear of opening up too much or not ready to mention what I’m really thinking, but you’re right I might have missed my chance. Also the feeling of vulnerability just like Philip mentions. I don’t want to scare them away! Thanks!
    Cubes 😀

  35. The Lovely Duckling

    Hi, Phillip,
    Your point about fear and vulnerability is exactly right. Opening ourselves up to another, no matter what the relationship is, feels so absolutely unsafe. It is a risk, especially if what is then laid upon the table is judgment. Those who have found a partner who treats them carefully rather than judges them are blessed indeed.
    Lise 🙂

  36. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Thanks Phillip. It is the only way to grow in a relationship, or it could begin to disconnect. And, besides, you can always, say, “Well you asked what I was thinking and I am responding to your question honestly.”
    have a wonderful day,
    Miss Krystal

  37. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Hi Duck-
    Thanks. You make a brilliant point about communication on a platonic level as well….I so agree. And yes, we see this happen a lot in friendships, “Is something wrong, did I do something?” “No, everything is fine.” And then, the walls start to even go up more…..So true!!
    I hope you are having a wonderful week.
    I appreciate your remarks so much.
    Miss Krystal

  38. The Lovely Duckling

    Hi, Miss Krystal!
    Great article–I’m glad your caller asked! What you said is as true of friends as it is lovers, too. Lack of communication is one of the biggest reasons that relationships fail.
    There is no way to reach a deep level of intimacy with someone without being able to communicate. Saying what’s on your mind really is putting yourself out there, and, although it can be scary, it shows that you have trust in that person. Even if you trust your partner, not sharing your thoughts/feelings shows the contrary.
    Duck 🙂
    P.S. I’m glad that you’ve gotten around your writer’s block! I’m working on another article, too, but it’s been put aside while I move my life around. 😉

  39. Phillip 9485

    Hi Miss Krystal, Great post! It has always helped me to realize that there is absolutely NO safety in a relationship. Cutting through our own fears and permitting ourselves to be vulnerable is the key. Balance is important too. The other person will or won’t put something on the table after I share my feelings. That is the risk, but better to have only one wall between us than two. Blessings to you!


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