I believe that if “love makes the world go ’round,” then cheating can bring it to a screeching halt! At California Psychics, sadly, many of our callers seek information as to whether their significant other is cheating on them (and the relationship). They are very aware that if they feel suspicious enough to ask the question, then the answer will in all likelihood be a “yes.” The second question usually follows: “Will he/she be faithful to me after this?
I’m not talking about the “I cheated once and I’ll never do it again” type of thing. I’m referring to the “serial” type of cheating, a way of life for some. From what I have seen, there appear to be a number of reasons why people cheat like this in a relationship, instead of just telling the basic, and much simpler, truth. There are at least four motivations for deception between two individuals. And as long as these motivations exist, change seems improbable.
The first is a relatively simple one. The person feels that the other does not provide “enough” of a quality in their relationship, whether it be sex, understanding, mental stimulation or companionship. There is the feeling that it takes two different people to satisfy what one “needs.” Instead of being straightforward in the primary relationship, or trying to repair what has gone wrong (or has never gone right), they seek an outside interest.
People cheat for a second, more nebulous reason. They cheat because they can. It is a warped sort of power they feel when they cheat and hold not one, but two people ensnared in a relationship on their terms. They reason that they must be a very strong individual to hold this much attention.
Reason three is related to reason number two. Often a person feels such a feeling of insecurity that they feel a driving urge to conquer this emotion with validation from another. Instead of knowing their own worth deep inside, they count on someone else to give them value. Personal validation comes from an outside source.
Lastly, some people become emotional swindlers because they have never learned how to have a trusting, fulfilling relationship with someone else, and have no intention of ever learning. They believe that this type of commitment only appeals to the credulous, and don’t desire to fall into the trap. There are always more people who can be conned.
What draws all of the above factors together is one specific thing. The person is acting in a certain way that he believes best serves his own emotional interests. Living with emotional honesty doesn’t concern him, as long as he gets what he needs. He feels that he must have an emotional reward of this sort to make his life what he thinks it should be.
Do cheaters change? Not very often, I’m afraid to say. They live the way that they feel best serves their needs. Whether it’s because they feel unable to communicate honestly about their needs, the desire for power, personal validation or just ignorance, they wreck informal and more formalized relationships. This is a form of selfishness that will never change, regretfully, until the individual realizes that positive change can only come from within themselves and is not found in another person.