4 Ways to Survive Infidelity

Betrayal is never easy. In fact, being cheated on is one of the hardest obstacles to overcome in a relationship. But if you or your significant other have strayed, it is possible to reconcile, and have a happy, healthy relationship (eventually). Here are four guidelines for surviving a breach in trust.

1. Air Your Grievances

While infidelity may be what’s hurting you at the moment, odds are a whole series of events and emotions led the two of you here, to the aftermath of an affair. Now is the time to address the pre-existing problems. After all, cheating is more than likely a symptom of what’s really wrong as opposed to the sickness itself. Delve deep and assess your previous partnership, even though it hurts. Honest reflection is the only way the two of you will know if you have something worth saving in the first place. Say whatever’s on your mind, because if it doesn’t come out now, it will manifest later, either with words or in actions.

2. Ride the Roller Coaster

Whether you decide to stay or to go, there’s no quick fix to being betrayed. You will likely experience a whole host of emotions, from hatred and resentment to acceptance and love, and no doubt including disgust. All these feelings are part and parcel of this experience, regardless of how things work out between you and your mate. If you choose to leave to avoid facing your feelings, they won’t just disappear. Instead, the effects of the affair will just pop up in your next relationship as an inability to trust or the need to act before you’re acted upon. On that note, you’re going to need to ride the roller coaster for as long as it takes to resolve yourself with what happened and why. It’s the only way you’ll be able to proceed on solid ground alone or with your partner.

3. Reach Out Without Acting Out

While you’re probably embarrassed by what’s happened, you cannot go through this alone. It’s vital that you have someone to talk to, preferably an impartial person, like a counselor, in addition to any friends in whom you confide. Either way, when sharing your pain with those you hold closest, be advised: Unless you skip the seamier stuff, you run the risk of alienating your partner down the road. Why? Because you may come to a place of understanding and forgiveness, but if given too many of the down-and-dirty details, odds are that your nearest and dearest won’t be so kind. They’ll probably hold what they know against your formerly unfaithful mate, which is a recipe for disaster down the road should your reconciliation stick.

4. Invest Time and Energy in Rebuilding

Lastly, it will take a good amount of work for you to overcome the obstacles infidelity has placed in your path. Starting with what went wrong in the first place is ideal, but beyond that, you will need to heal bonds broken solely by the act itself. Whether the infidelity was a one-time thing or an ongoing affair, you will need to set new boundaries for each other about what’s acceptable without being overbearing. You’ll also need to speak about emotions with a candidness you may not have had before, something that’s even harder now that trust is at an all-time low. However, if you both commit to honesty and to making your relationship work, over time, with open communication and establishing trust through action, the bonds can be restored. In fact, they can be stronger than ever. For though ideally it should never take something as serious as cheating to wipe the slate clean, the one upside to infidelity is that, if addressed, it can give you a fresh start.

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4 thoughts on “4 Ways to Survive Infidelity

  1. Pingback: Sex Q&A: Find Your Inner Truths | California Psychics Blog

  2. donna

    Sometimes it is just one more link in the chain of abuse. It is a sign of an abusive partner, the other partner is left wondering what they did not do. The party that cheats is missing something, and that something is within themselves and they are looking for an out side source to fill that missing part. Until they grow up and look within they will always be looking.

  3. Tamara Nicholas

    This is so true, but what happens when you know your spouse has cheated so you confront them about it (hoping for them to admit to it so you know they are ready to give up their affair to show their dedication to your marriage/relationship and move forward with reconciliation). Then after you confront them they bold faced lie about it which only tells you they are, in fact, not going to end the affair and are either not fully committed to your marriage and may love their lover more or they just want their cake and eat it too or they think you’re a complete idiot and will believe anything they say or they just want you to pretend you never saw any of the evidence and want you to just turn your head and look the other way so they can have their cake and eat it too (which you yourself don’t have an issue with really if they would just give YOU the dignity and respect and courtesy of having a “choice” in the matter). You know, “honey, I really need variety but I love you and want a committment and marriage/relationship with you because you’re my soul mate. But I’d really like to have a sexual relationship with this woman I know from another place who I’m really attracted to. Do you mind and (by the way) I’m open to your having the same type of “adult relationship” if you feel the urge or need to have one to be fulfilled fully/completely as well. After all, this is an equal relationship right? I’m really not that SELFISH! I do LOVE YOU and RESPECT you to ALLOW you CHOICES so that if you CAN’T HANDLE me SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN you CAN ALWAYS SAY NO and we can decide at that point if we want to remain married/together. RIGHT? I can look inside MYSELF to determine if ANOTHER PIECE of ASS IS THAT IMPORTANT TO ME. YOU CAN DECIDE if YOUR EGO is THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU. SIMPLE…

  4. onechefpaulie

    im trying to survive my wife of 24 years.her sexy boss hes 22 years younger, they do every thing together,same hours,at a wedding they staired at another. i went to smoke.i came back he ran ouver put his arm around her cheek to cheek, she said, he told me im his right hand,hes drunk ,and,hes the one who got her to go out, she didnt want to go, he said,ill get her to go,and sure enough she told him,,,,ok,,ill go,i dont no wat to think,we sepersted twice,she dresss nice now,colored her hair.hides cell phone.deletes calls,sleeps with phone in her robe.our sex life i have to beg,i feel ugly and hes 27 shes 41,but looks 26,and shes unbelievably attractive,and she nos it.i caught her stairing at him at work,i said im standing here 4 min, she said im waiting to punch out this regestar is 1 min , faster and i new were she was standing she can see him in his office,he saw me and his face got red he immediatly sat down,


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